Leap Day Hash
February 29 2016
Hares: What a Cunt and Stuff My Fluff (Virgin Lay)
It was the hash of a lifetime. With the realization that this was the first Leap Hash in the history of the Brooklyn H3, and that there would not be another one until 2044, we knew this could not be missed.
The pack assembled in front of O’Keefe’s on Court Street. Chalk-talk included standard marks, checks, boob-checks, and the all-impressive 2/29 Check in honor of Leap Day which meant 4-and-you’re-on. The hares also warned of a Circle Jerk. What a Cunt exclaimed, “Everyone knows what to do during a Circle Jerk? No, really. Everyone knows what to do?… Take care of the person behind you!”
We took off sensitive to our Leap Day rules. We hit the first check a mere 50 meters from the start. By the second check on Jay Street in front of the Brooklyn Court House, we were off-trail for the first time in the night. Around-and-around we went, tripled over where we had already run. Through the courtyard between Shake Shack and Hill Country Chicken some fine street dwellers got into the game and tried to tell us where to go. A few hashers grew frustrated enough to call the hotline. Blackout disappeared. Maybe the Hares had confused Leap Day with April Fool’s. Finally, trail was found.
Then, the rumors spread that we were going to Manhattan. How could that be? This is the BROOKLYN H-Three. The Manhattan Bridge loomed in front of us. As though rubbing lemon juice into a paper cut, the hares had the nerve to take us over the bridge. Was this a joke? The marks on the bridge couldn’t be true.
A huff, a puff, and a boob-check later we found ourselves in Chinatown. It was as though the statue of Confucius said “Here is the 2/29 Check, now find FOUR to your true destiny.” What a foreign strange land these Brooklyn Hashers had to navigate. Is this north, west, uptown, downtown? The river was on the wrong side, and the smell of pork and garbage didn’t help either. We lost Screaming Orgasm in the confusion. Eventually, trail brought us to Stuff My Fluff and Labrawhore in Coleman Square Playground, the skating park under the Manhattan Bridge. The drink reportedly tasted like medicine, and the dumplings forced us to ingest foreign food.
Ready for this trail to end, the pack took off one more time. Soon, we were at a poorly maintained AstroTurf court with an on-left, an on-left, an on-left, an on-left, an on-OH NO!!! It’s the CIRCLE JERK. And jerked we were. We followed What a Cunt’s instructions and serviced those who came after us. But alas, the pack did not solve trail. Now off-trail for the second time in the evening, we were cold, tired, in a foreign land, missing two hashers, and worried the dumplings would cause havoc in our intestines. So, Cum on Moses called it in. “TO THE ON-IN!” he cried. Our little pack followed, scared we would lose more hashers along the way. We short-cut the remainder, passed a few random marks, and arrived at Jeremy’s Ale House by South Street Seaport.
Down-Downs Awarded to:
Our Hares: What a Cunt and Stuff My Fluff
Visitor: Turd Tickler from Jerusalem
Virgin: Just Dan, Turd Tickler made him cum.
Just Ben: for being the ladies’ man, the trail reminded him of a date he was on last week because ”it really wore him out” and then he proceeded to hit on a chyck at the bar.
Cosmopolitits: for seeing the hideous neon lights on the new Dazzler Hotel on Tillary Street and naming it the VAGAZZLER.
Stuff My Fluff: for losing his wallet.
Six Inches Ladies: for finding keys on trail and doing nothing but leaving a chalk arrow pointing to them.
Our Hares: For setting Leap Day Trail, awarded with Leap Day Hash patches from 2008 (or some other year with a leap day) and some other hash kennel.
Our Hares, again: for bringing the Brooklyn H3 to Manhattan.
Just Dan, the virgin: for being a shortcutting bastard at the dick check.
Turd Tickler: for hating people who shortcut, especially his own virgin.
Drag Hag: For backsliding since Obama’s last term.
Drag Hag, again: for drinking before finishing the song.
Tequila Whore & Cheeky Bastard: Tequila thought Cheeky was lost on trail, so she went looking for him. It was false acc, he actually ran all of trail unlike the rest of the pack.
Surprise! I’m Illiterate & Tequila Whore: For Surprise chomping dumplings and Tequila liked the sound of his mouthful of meat.
Stuff My Fluff: for finding his wallet after getting the down-down for losing it.
See you in 2044!