NYCH3 #1403 – Santa’s Sluts
Start: Raccoon Lodge (Warren and W Broadway)
On-In: Raccoon Lodge
Hares: Finger F*cked, MILF and Cookies, and the rest of the Harriettes
Scribe: Just Peter
Neither rain nor snow nor gloom of an overcast winter afternoon can
stay hashers from their appointed rounds, especially if those rounds
include a drink check. Despite some precipitous precipitation earlier
in the day, the annual Santa’s Sluts run started downtown at the
Raccoon Lodge promptly at 3pm. Or as promptly as one can evict
hashers from a warm and cheap pre-lube. With no virgins or visitors
present, the pack was summarily dismissed and enjoyed a short tour of
the downtown area. Since SantaCon had unleashed thousands of Santas,
elves, and assorted other costumed characters just the day before,
neither tourists nor locals were particularly impressed by the
costumed display of a few dozen slutty runners. A drink check at the
Patriot provided the pack with enough Red-Headed Sluts to stumble the
remaining block and a half to the on-in back at the Raccoon Lodge.
The circle was opened with the Hymn to the Hares, recognizing Finger
Fucked for setting a trail that balanced the need for a good r*n and
the pack’s desire to get the hell out of the shitty weather. The
first trail offense was levied against Pussy in Boots, I Feel Tower,
and Peter, for their inability to open the door to the Patriot. A
picture of what this may have looked like is attached. TitTotaler was
called out for being the only hasher to take the slide which was part
of the trail. Finger Fucked was called back to the circle for her
poor math skills. When giving instructions to the pack at the start,
she told the pack both "three and you’re on" and "no falses". For
failure to recognize that "no falses" means "one and you’re on",
Finger Fucked was given the #5 song. Wet Connection was part of a
group that distracted a poor toddler so badly that the bike-riding
tyke crashed and hit her head on the sidewalk. WC apparently said
"aw, she’s alright, she’s wearing a helmet!" and continued on without
breaking stride. Ian was called out as Asshole of the Week for his
lack of clothing – the JMs (and the rest of the pack) were just glad
that he wore more than a red speedo.
After the circle, the Hariettes proceeded to pass out awards and
prizes for costumes and general sluttiness. Death Breast won the
award for Sexiest Reindeer, while Ding won a lump of coal as "Most
likely to be on the naughty list". Boxing with Santa is not likely to
get you on the "good" list Ding! The Fruitcake award went to I Feel
Tower, who was once again wearing his yellow-wig-topped costume, which
is somehow inappropriate for every costume r*n. New York Cock
Exchange won the "Shot Girl" award for disposing of the remaining Red
Headed Sluts after the pack had finished at the Patriot, while Fast
American Dave received the "Clearly doesn’t celebrate Christmas" award
for his complete grinchiness. No one seemed to care (or note) who won
the Mr Santa’s Sluts award, but the pack made a wise decision in
declaring the bartender to be "Miss Santa’s Sluts 2010". While there
may not be a direct correlation, the beer flowed smoothly and
liberally after the awards ceremony and long into the evening.
On On!