KH3#10 – Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me the OnIn!

Knickerbocker Hash House Harriers #10

Wednesday 4 November 2009

Start: 15th and Irving

On-In: Bull’s Head Tavern

Hare: Rack n’ Rollher and Barf-Fly

Scribe: Mickey Mouth


From KH3 and New York City this is, Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me the OnIn! The KH3 write up. I’m Wet Connection and here’s your host, Mickey Mouth (the crowd roars!)


“Thank you WC, thanks everybody! We got a great write up for you today. We’ll be talking about the trail (what trail?!) and the on-in as well as the hilarious antics that flowed that night, like BudLite Lyme through Trips&Balls. So give us a call 1-800-HashNYC. It’s time to welcome our first listener-contestant. Hi, you’re on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me the OnIn.”

“Hi Mouth, I’m Offensive Discharge from Denver Colorado.”

“Hey, Off Disc, how are you? So what do you do there in Denver?”

“Right now, I am contemplating shoveling the 5ft of snow that just fell.”

“A real snow-job, huh, Off Disc. Wait, I need to go powder my nose” (crowd roars!)

“Mouth, we are not amused.”

“Well, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel. She can be seen often on the Annandale making sure no one else gets on. Or cooking up delicious feasts. It’s Ms. Mean Jean the DownDown Machine!” (applause!)

“Hello OffDisc, we miss you!”

“Hey Mean Jean!”

“Also say hello to one super function of a man, he can be seen excelling in road races and making babies, spread the sheets for Just Rich! (applause!)

“Hello Just Rich!”

“Cheers OffDisc!”

“And finally a man who stole the heart of USMarine Whore, and uses his blackberry for downdowns, It’s Mr. Noah’s Dinghy! (applause!)

“OffDisc, welcome to the show. You are going to play Who’s WC This Time. WC will read you 3 quotations from the Hash, you’re job is to correctly identify or explain 2 of them. If you do that you win WC’s voice on the next hotline you set. Ready to go?

“I really really want to win this!! I have been wanting this for years!”

“well, ok, here is your first quote.”

“They’re trying to get up to your ass.” This was overheard in the back of the bar, behind the water. (crowd roars!)

“Hmmm, that’s cheeky! I’ll have to guess Mean Jean?”
”You are right! Mean Jean callously snided this comment when Mickey Mouth was bellyaching about the terrible pain her legs were in. Here’s the second quote. Who said ’Because they asked me’ when, well they did?”

“Oh…I heard this one…oh it’s…damn. I don’t know, Eager4Beaver?”

“Ohhh…sorry it was IFeelTower, describing why he told a whole hash crowd how he lost his cherry and got his name. Ok, you got one more. If you get this right, you win! ‘I hope you knock over every glass of wine you ever stand next to.”

“Wow, let me pour through my memory, who is rather frank-ish. SmashMouth or Just Peter…I’ll guess Just Peter?”
”You are right!!! WC, how did OffDisc do?”

“He’s wins Mouth! 2 correct answers!” (applause!)

“Well done, OffDisc. Congratulations!”

“Wendy, Wendy!! We won!”

“Ok, right now panel it is time to answer some questions about this week’s hash. Mean Jean, the hash started at 15th and Irving but where did it go?

“Well Mouth, it went South, and East and eventually North. There were some checks”


“Just Rich, before the hash, someone was in Union Square, stripping down to his skivvies, in fact, stripping down to his birthday suit, in order to change for the trail.”

“Hmmm, well gov’na, it’s got to be a chap…who cares naught for hoi polloi opinion…was it Splat?

“Indeed it was! We have it on good authority that Splat was naked-assing it on a park bench.”

“Hey, Mouth, can I butt in?”

“I couldn’t bare it!” (crowd roars!)

“Wait your turn Noah’s Dinghy. Can we put all this behind us now and get back to the show?….Oh ND, whose beer was sooo lite that it was mistaken for water?”

“Heavy man, I would have to guess either Trips&Balls or Scottish Lesley….i’ll go with Trips&Balls”

“No! It was Scottish Lesley!” (applause!)

“Thank you everybody. Right now it’s time for Bluff the Listener. Call 1-800 HASHNYC to play the game. Hi, you’re on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me the OnIn.”

“Hi, this is Scooter from NYC.”

“Hi, Scooter, how’s NYC? What do you do there?”

“I’m good, thanks. I am a lawyer for the city.”

(Dead silence…..)

“Hmm, ok. Welcome anyway. You are going to play the game where you have to tell truth from fiction, something as a lawyer you may not be so good at. WC, what is Scooter’s topic?”

“4 November Hash.”
”Hi, Scooter, this is Mean Jean. On Marathon Sunday, Dana drank all day and all night. She got so drunk that she doesn’t quite remember what happened to her later that night. No, it wasn’t snogging the bouncer or hiding in the fireplace. She tried to put on her coat but it was still attached to the coatrack. This did not stop her, she put on her coat and then fell face first into the coatrack, earning her a hash handle ‘Rack n’ Rollher’”

“Cheers Scooter, this is Just Rich. FAD is a man known for his nasty temper. In fact, “Fast American Dave” may be what he thinks FAD stands for, but in fact stands for “Ferociously Angry and Disagreeable”. If the H***** D*****s didn’t have a need for such speed, he might be one of only a handful forced out of the famously friendly NYC hashes. So what was it that happened just the other day? FAD was seen smiling! Smiling like the world was new and there was a vegetable samosa on every plate.”

“Hey, it’s Noah’s Dinghy. The NYC hashes are known as the embodiment of hash spirit and character. Hashes around the world can be heard saying such things like ‘4 miles?’ what is this, a r*ce? Do like the NYC hash, make it all about the drinking.’ Or ‘let’s be like the NYC hash and wear hash t-shirts!’ or ‘Sing! Sing those songs, as many as the NYC hash hums!’ Indeed, but even legends have a blemish. It is said, that one day, many moons ago, a NYC hasher showed up without a hash shirt…They say he got lost on trail.”

“Alright, let’s review your choices. A one night stand from Mean Jean, a congenial FAD from Just Rich, or a hash of legend from Noah’s Dinghy. Which of these is the real story?”

“Well Mouth, it’s tough. They all sound true. But I am going to go with B. FAD can’t be that mean all of the time right? There has to be a soft spot in there somewhere.”

“Alright. We spoke to the hasher who actually relayed the story…”

“I was sitting there nursing my craft ale wondering if I could put a Bose stereo system in my boat when I saw Rack n’ Rollher stumble to the coat rack, essentially put on the coat rack and then dive right into the coats like a sailor stumbling into a Wanchai titty bar.”

“That was Just Peter and he is the one that witnessed the fall. I am so sorry Scooter, you did not win our game but you won a point for Just Rich.” (applause!)

“oh well, thanks!”

“Now it’s time for the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you would like to play, leave us a message on the KH3 Facebook page. Hi! You are on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me the OnIn.”
”Hi Mouth, this is Cockstar from the UWS.”

“Hey, Cockstar, what’s going on over on the UWS.”

“The dog. I got hammy problems. What isn’t fucking happening up here.” (applause!)

“Hmmm. Welcome to the show, Cockstar. WC is going to read you 3 hash related limericks with the last word missing from each. If you can fill in that word correctly, you will be a winner, ready to go?”

“Fuck yeah”

“She broke from the herd, her feelings were getting stirred, then runners came over, Trips&Balls couldn’t holda, and then she flipped them the ____”

“Oh fucking hell, bird?”

“You are right! (applause!)

“Lesley in the tooth may be long, and may think improper a revealed thong, but she’s fast for her years, aw hell faster than most peers, she got into the Boston ______”

“No fucking way?! Marathon?”

“Right again!” (applause!)

“Joe Pennsylvania can commit, and he can run lickety split, but he was running round and round, like a clock being wound, and boy sometimes he’s such an _____”

“HAHA, oh yeah, love smit!”

‘Oh, I’m sorry, it was idiot. Joe Penn r*ns around like an Idiot. WC, how did Cockstar do on our quiz?”

“Cockstar wins our prize Mouth. She had 2 correct answers.”

“Well done, Cockstar, welldone.” (applause!)

Now we will finish up the show by asking our panel, now that the KH3 is back and r*nning, how will the hashes be in the following winter season. But first Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me the OnIn is proudly supported by the KH3 and written, produced and punned by Mickey Mouth. Now Panel, how awesome will the KH3 season be this year?”

“So awesome that English Matt will bring not only 2, but scores more of his lovely male friends.”

“So awesome that a haring function for excel will be invented and called the KH3”

“Knicker? Bahamonde didn’t even knower!

“This is KH3, Knickerbocher Hash House Harriers…”

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