NYCH3#1191 – Chanukah Chash
December 17, 2006
Start: Spring St and Ave of the Americas
Hares: Dr. Steve and Seth
On-In: Fontana’s
Scribe: Blackout

Mid-December and still damn near 60 degrees.  Sucks to be a skier, but good hashing weather!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.  Holiday theme r*n #2 of the season was the somewhat annual Chanukah Chash.  At the start the hares alerted us that the cry of the day was ‘oy-oy’ rather than ‘on-on’, and were passing out yarmulkes (sorry Kinky Boots, they’re for the guys only).The start was at Spring and Avenue of the Americas, which David Byron-Brown can now attest is not the address of the Patriot.  Perhaps foreshadowing later events, as the pack took off the proto-FRB’s missed the very first turn (cue ominous music).

The trail quickly meandered into Chinatown, and except for a short respite along the East River trail, pretty much hit every corner of the sprawling Sino-city.  Surprisingly, even in December there still are some real smelly alleys in Chinatown.  I’m still not sure exactly what was going on with the FRB’s that day…they were kind of like f*cked-up geese that go west for the winter.  Those of us smart (or just hungover) enough to take an easy pace kept on r*nning into the lead pack again, and again, and again.  At every check, it appeared that the FRB’s would return from one (presumably false) direction only to dash off again in a second (again wrong) direction.  Note that when I say ‘FRB’s’, I mean Fast American Dave and the few poor souls that would closely follow him in his capricious gallivanting.  After three or four iterations of above process, the pack stumbled upon a ‘pickle-check’ at Guss’ Pickles, in keeping with the r*n’s theme.  After this brief interlude, the trail went another few blocks before ending at Fontana’s Bar near Eldridge and Grand.

Down-downs were copious as usual.  The hares, Seth and Dr. Steve (Jew and a ‘Jewannabe’) were first.  Next up were those of Jewish persuasion in attendance (my notes get sloppy here, maybe only three or four?).  We had one visitor: ‘Likes to Bang Poles’ from South Korea, as well as the ‘virgin’ Maia (claimed to have ‘done’ a hash in Puerto Rico).  Dr. Bruce and Norma got a down-down for taking the specials list to heart and ordering Bloody Marys.  Pussyfoot (Patrick) got a farewell as he is venturing back over the ocean.  Smashmouth also got a drink for confusing Festivus and Chanukah Chashes, and waiting for the crowd to turn up at the Patriot.  Assh*le of the week went to Fast American Dave (or is False American Dave?), for copious incorrect pack-marking.  Also, under the radar of the JM’s but not the scribe, was Kindergarten Kimberly’s birthday announcement.

The on-in location was a pleasant bar with a good deal, though there was a mysterious ‘private screening’ in the back.  A small crowd filtered through the gauntlet of hashers to the back room, where they mingled for about an hour before watching a short film, and I do mean short: it couldn’t have been longer than about 10 minutes.  Also noteworthy was the wall art, mostly of old muscle cars, with the occasional celebrity or pinup girl.  One crowd pleaser was the portrait of Elvis with a green complexion and medieval-style halo…alas, it wasn’t in velvet.  The imbibing continued well past the end of the hash-cash, always a good sign…


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