BH3#623, 25 Jun 2012
Start: Borough Hall Steps
Hare: Trader Blows
Oh the vagaries of New York weather! Like so many other naïfs, I believed the forecast of rain in the early afternoon that Monday, supposedly to be followed by clearing. Some old-time native NYCers might have known better, but some of us (including most tragically the hare), continued the rest of day, business as usual, unaware of the deadly menace soon to be beating down from the sky.
The exact timeline is hard to pin down, but based on careful study of the remnant evidence, it appears that the derecho (sometimes called a willy-willy by Australians) hit the greater New York metropolitan area at 5:03, reaching Brooklyn Heights at approximately 5:12, when Trader Blows was approximately 90% done with his flawless trail-setting . The otherwise clear winner of Trail of the Year (maybe of the Century, according to one anonymous source) was tragically cut down in its virgin state, never to be hashed.
In the aftermath, a remnant group of surviving hashers gathered at Borough Hall, where Trader Blows gave us the bad news: the trail that night had been quickly reset using flour, and was rain-shortened.
Thanks to the graces of His Noodly Appendage, the skies did not spew venomous raindrops for the rest of the evening, allowing the pack to navigate the streets of Brooklyn Heights, Carroll Gardens, and the thrice-blessed Columbia Street Waterfront District – allegedly named WoBQE (N.B. TO TELEVISION ANCHORS: PRONOUNCED “WO-BEEK”) by overzealous realtors. After innumerable hazards and daring exploits, the pack arrived at the Micnic Pub, to drown their disappointment in beer.
Down-downs were consumed by:
-the hare Trader Blows
-a visitor (Claim to Flame)
-Death Breast for inappropriate moisture
-Conelingus for disrobing immediately upon setting off on trail
-Claim to Flame for running with a backpack
-Trader Blows for not marking the on-in, Pecker Wrecker for nearly being FRB but running past said unmarked on-in, and Piece of Slut for then arguing with other FRBs over who “entered first”…
-Doggie Erectus who brought Scooby Snacks or some other form of tasty food to the start but declined to share
-Fluffy for having the gall to leave us for Thailand
-Smashmouth, drinking for the bar’s theme of British 80s Night
Later pizza arrived and was consumed. Beer was drank. Hashers mingled and flirted. Bears were doing it in the woods. Hurricanes were forming in the tropics. Etc. Etc.