Wednesday, June 8, 2010, 7PM
Start / Prelube / On-In: Patrick Ryan’s, 3155 Broadway at 125th St.
Hares: Devo & Just Gus
Scribe: Just Nancy
Just when you thought that heat-height index couldn’t get any higher, here comes another sticky, hot-as-balls Wednesday night hash. Already running 15 minutes late (plus an extra few for jumping on the wrong damn train to 125th St), I booked it across town and caught up with the pack after the first check. I had no idea what to expect of the trail, but quickly learned it was a Devo trail. Which meant miles, stairs, hills, and more miles.
We ran through some basketball courts, Saint Nicholas Park, and through city college campus. After climbing what felt like the 100th stair of the trail, the temperature just seemed to get hotter and hotter. People complained of the usual—extreme thirst, lightheadedness, fatigue. We even had a case of swollen balls (more on this later). But alas, a couple of open fire hydrants along the trail provided some relief for the hashers.
I took the chicken at the first chicken/eagle split so couldn’t tell you what the rest of the trail looked like. But my guess is that the remaining splits managed to throw the group off into all kinds of directions as the pack arrived in several waves at the on-in.
We rehydrated, then dehydrated some more as the beer flowed and Pimpy Longstocking and Tit-Totaller delivered the down-downs:
Hares: Devo & Just Gus
Visitor: 2 Fuck Canuck
Virgins: Just Jocelyn, Just Mary, Just Juan, Just Christopher & Just Larry
I Feel Tower & Sir Shaves A Lot: For peeing on the trail—a second trail offense for Sir Shaves a Lot in two weeks. Get it together SSAL. Nature is NOT your bathroom.
Foreign My Twat & Just Juan: For attempting to high five kids on the trail just to get royally rejected.
Just Mark: Our case of heat-induced swollen balls. Since he also once paid hash cash using $2 bills, the circle deemed it appropriate to name him–$2 BALLS.
Donner Kebab & Devo: For falling on the trail.
Just Julia: For running through one of the fire hydrants and exclaiming: "This is better than sex!!!"
Devo: A**hole of the week, for emailing a smart-ass reply to Joint Master, Tit Totaller, who asked him to shorten the trail due to the heat.
Just Josh: For almost getting hit by a car, but not even noticing. For this, the circle named him–SKID MARKS.
Tit Totaller: For ripping her skort climbing over a fence, but was was happy she didn’t hurt her vagina.
After an eventful round of down-downs, we waited for the pizza. Then waited some more. The pizza was finally delivered and we stuffed ourselves until our stomachs couldn’t take anymore so continued to punish our livers until the hash cash was out.