NYCH3 #1425 – May 4, 2011
Start: South end of Union Square Park
On-In: Flannery’s Irish Pub, 14th and 7th
Hares: Pimpy Long-stockings and Joey Pennsylvania
Scribe: Just David
The inclement morning squalls foreboded gloom and misery on the new JMs’ inaugural hash, and you would not have been faulted for skipping out due to an inflammation of your seasonal allergies.
But you, fellow hasher, you would not be deterred! For you predicted a 50/50 chance that Pimpy would be haring the trail, with a 99/1 chance that said trail would be live, and thus a 25/75 chance that THIS trail would be the trail that you de-pantsed him. This only comes to a 12.4% probably that you would get to see the full glory that are his… legs, but that was a chance worth taking. Perhaps this explains the favorable gender ratio.
As you gathered at the south side of Union Square, you heard those magical words "Live Trail" and warm waves of anticipation wafted over your… heart as you shivered in the spring cold. Yet! Pimpy wasn’t setting trail? But maybe some of it? All sorts of confused. (More on that later.) But there was no time to process as he pointed to the first mark and you were off!
Arrow, arrow, check, arrow, check, arrow, arrow. And so forth until you arrived at Flannery’s.
After grabbing some beer and attempting to sort out who set trail ("Wait. Joey Pennsylvania set the trail? But you set some of the trail? Is that legal?"), you circled up for the down-downs.
•· Hares – Pimpy Long-stockings and Joey Pennsylvania. (Hymn to the Hares)
•· Visitors – There may have been one? You were too busy drinking. (Brother Hasher)
•· Virgins -Five virgins, four girls, one guy. Someone must have told you about the new JM. (Here’s to the Virgins)
•· Just Megan and Just David – In your excitement to pants the hare, you impaled a few innocents. One was a suitcase. (Wank)
•· Just Mark – You brought ten, genuine two-dollar bills just in case you caught the hare. (He’s Alright)
•· Fire in the Piehole – you were caught running crazy at a check. To be fair, Pimpy has that affect on people. (He Ought To Be)
•· Bag Hags (Ow My Balls and Just Mary)- Frustrated at being deprived of the de-pantsing opportunity, you took out you irritation by fighting with the cabbie and by gabbing on the phone, respectively. (Down, Down)
•· Just Matt and Cheeky Bastard – Anxious to drown your disappointment in beer, you fought over where to put the pitcher. You compromised by spilling it all over the floor. Then they were doubly sad. (One Skin)
•· Just Darlene and Lazer – You didn’t quite understand this down-down. Something about Laser making Darlene come twice? As if there wasn’t enough incentive already. (Down, Down)
•· AOTW: Joey Pennsylvania – After all the waiting, you were expecting an explanation for the Live Trail fiasco. Instead, Joey just got asshole of the week for denying you Pimpy’s… well, his ass. No explanation, no nothing. But somehow, you feel vindicated.
You continued drinking, eating, discussing strategy for the next Pimpy Live Trail, and, as the night and the beer didn’t, cajoling Pimpy to just take off the damn shorts.
Next time. On-Out.