KH3 #27 Inside the Hash’s Studio

Knickerbocker Hash House Harriers #27
Wednesday 8 December 2010
Start: 68th and Broadway
On-In: PG Bar
Hares: No Comma and Wet Willy
Scribe: Mickey Mouth


Inside the Hash’s Studio

“Tonight’s guest has won a Shiggy Award for Best Hash on Every Other Wednesday in Winter. He’s a member of the New York City Hash House Harriers. He and his management team have received countless praises from hashers around the world. He also won a special once in a lifetime Booker Prize for Outstanding Writeups. This of course is only a partial list of his achievements, The Hash’s Studio is very proud to welcome Knickerbocker Hash House Harriers.”

(wild applause. KH3  saunters out, gives the audience a wink and a salute.)

“So, Mickey Mouth, we met again! Didn’t I just talk to you two weeks ago?”

Blushing, “Yes, Knick. James Lipton came down with a terrible flu and I was asked to step in. But I am so pleased that it’s you.”

“yeah, I am glad to see you again!”

“Great, let’s begin. Usually, Mr. Lipton talks a lot about the childhood and past performances of the guest. But I feel we covered much of that last time, so I wanted to talk about your most recent performance, No Comma’s Birthday Hash. Many of the critics panned it, with colorful phrases like “the bar couldn’t have been louder if I was stuck inside of a jet-vol-ren. A jet plane stuck inside of a volcano inside of an ambulance siren.” Or “I got more dark beer at a bud light convention than I was able to get at this hash.”   Or, “It was so cold I could warm up by eating icecream.” I think ‘Spies Like Us’ got better reviews. How do you respond? “

“Well, Mouth, thanks for repeating those to me by the way. It wasn’t so bad. Those critics probably weren’t even there. It was a good run, and a good on-in. You know, when you have two very very busy stars like Wet Willy and No Comma, they work 180 hours a week, baby on the way. It’s hard to make plans. I don’t think the location was even decided upon until the night before. So, suck it up.”

“I like your chutzpah, Knick”

“I like yours too, Mouth.”

“There were some very funny quotes from the Birthday Hash, like Wet Connection saying “I’ll bring up the rear with this”, Death Breast’s “Oh, I think you were poking me with your cue,” and when Fire in the Pie Hole said, “Extra….for heating.”

“Yeah, you know, I got great hashers, funny ones. You can’t make shit like that up. Do you remember when Mean Jean was showing how she was wearing not one but TWO hash shirts, lifting up the first one to show the second. Eager 4Beaver staring straight-faced right at her chest said, “Nice.”  Or when the first runner was coming in and Too Long said, “Oh look, it’s our first runner…and it’s a girl!” but it was actually Cheeky Bastard? HAHA, I mean good stuff. “

“Knick, the down down scene was chaos of noise and shouting –“

“Yes, well, that was the sound track they picked.”
“Right, so I couldn’t actually understand what was said. Could you run through it?”

“Sure, Mouth. Down Downs went to the Hares – No Comma and Wet Willy. Virgins Amy and Blake. Hares again for misguiding the TITs. To Cody as a random abuse of power. A genius naming of Pedel-phile. And Happy Birthday to No Comma and DeathBreast.”

“Wow, I think I missed most of that. I have a couple of questions about it. The attire of Blake. You made some bold choices there. Could you elaborate?”

“Actually, Mouth, that was not in the script. Blake showed up in a neon turquoise v-neck looking like the corner of Star Trek Street and Avenue Q and there was nothing we could do about it.”

“Interesting. And Pedal-Phile. That is a very sharp and clever name. Could you tell me what happened?”

“HAHA, sure. Well, he was late to the hash and his friend said she would wait for him because he texted her that he was almost there, coming in a pedicab.”

“Many hashers wonder why you didn’t call him ‘Coming in a Pedicab’?”

“Sure, that’s the easy name. If you think about it, ‘Pedal-phile’ is brilliant. And the hashers that came up with that name, gifted individuals.”

“Great. At the end of these interviews, Mr. Lipton asks his guest a serious of questions. So here goes, What is your Favorite Word?”

“What is your least favorite word?”

“Hash Cash is done.”

“What turns you on-on?”

“Hash marks.”

“What turns you off?”

“Bud Light.”
“What sound do you love?”

“A distant cry of on-on.”
“What sound do you hate?”
“A distant cry of false trail.”
“What is your favorite curse word?”
“&*^%$#@   the   (*&^%$ of *&^#@!*   when    &%$#@!   in your     &^^%!@@###$”

“What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?”


“What profession would you not like to do?”

“any work really.”

“If heaven existed, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive to at the pearly gates?”


“Thank you, Knick. It’s been such a pleasure again.”

“And again, Mickey Mouth, the pleasure is all mine.”