BH3 # 533
Start: 4th Ave. & Pacific St.
“Hares”: Just Josh and Trader Blows
Live Hares: Barnacle and Speedo Gonzales
Scribe: Sandy Syphilis
Dear Brooklyn Hash,
After three amazing years together, running through parks and ghettos, dodging strollers and small dogs, terrorizing the locals and shouting sweet nothings into the night, it is with a heavy heart that I tell you I am moving on. I want you to know that it’s you – not me. I hope this brings you comfort in the moments of darkness that most assuredly lie ahead.
I will always look back on our last hash together and smile. Just Josh set the trail with flour but unfortunately torrential rains washed everything away. Ever the racist, Barnacle stepped up to the plate to set a live trail, joined by Speedo Gonzales. The pack was mostly successful following the freshly lain trail, although were slowed down considerably by the check points placed roughly every 10 feet.
The pack arrived at Soda Bar on Vanderbilt 4 or 5 miles of trail later, a little damp from the on and off again rain but in good spirits. We were blown away that this bar was classy enough to offer waitress service to our motley crew. The hash was on good behavior, with only a handful of gentleman sexually harassing her. But of course, we never really do behave well, and so the down downs were announced:
- To the assortment of hares, Just Josh, Trader Blows, Barnacle and Speedo Gonzales.
- For our silly visitors, The Gimp and Twisted Tits (ouch?).
- To Screaming O for running into a booby trap… those boobies get you in trouble, huh?
- A resounding “JUST SAY NO!” to Screaming O and Blackout for their recent plans to live happily ever after.
- To Just Mika for making all the ladies wet – calm down, she just grabbed a tree branch and shook the rain out onto the ladies behind her. And then she took off her pants.
- For being the only one considerate enough to mark the trail, Eager 4 Beaver. And while he was bending over doing that, he also mentioned to catch the attention of NYPD’s finest – what a flirt.
- Just Emily, Speedo Gonzales and Sandy Syphilis for puppetry of the… er, rather, for making shadow puppets on the projection screen while other bar patrons tried to watch the game.
- Me, again, for attempting to leave the hash, again. No one actually believed it.
- And finally, Whoremaster, for asking to be taken off the committee he is not even on. As punishment, Headlights appointed him JM. Whoremaster’s first order of business was to reappoint Headlights, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
Kudos to Just Josh for the hash cash that never ran out. This hangover is for you!
In all seriousness, I will miss the brash, sweaty and incestuous ways of the Brooklyn hash. There may be other hashes in my future, but I will always remember you as my first. Until we meet again, or Chicago deports me.