Knickerbocker
Hash House Harriers
Trail #12 on 12/2/09
Ever been to Ireland? It rains a little every day. It’s not a hard or unpleasant rain. Eventually you get used to it. We had such a magical rain last night at the Knickerbocker Hash. It was 53 F and moist. So, I began the hash thinking of Manhattan Island’s kissing cousin to the east. As luck would have it there was an Irish bar at the end.
We met at Church and Chambers Streets. I counted 32 Knickerbocker hashers celebrating our twelfth run. I was meticulous in recording these names because I have a theory: I believe that most of you vain bastards will not read the write up unless you are personally mentioned.
Present: Basia
Doggie Erectus
Eric
Ewa
Fast American Dave (aka Generic Dave #6, I believe)
Finger Me First
Fire-In-The-Piehole
Hard Man
Hot Rod
I-Feel Tower
Jeremy
Junky Monkey
Kelly
Kinky Boots
Liz
Mary the Greek (aka Chic Kabob in Scotland)
Mastercard
New York Cock Exchange
Noah’s Dinghy
Pennsylvania Joe
Peter
Pussy In Boots
Richard the Brit Robin
Stewa
Tit Totaler
Trader Blows
Yankit
US Marine Whore
Wendy
Wet Connection &
cute blonde in orange hat (Ed: Pamela)
I called the rain magical because it saved us on a couple of occasions. Our hare, Yankit, set a very tight trail. By that I mean he used a pretty small piece of real estate to create a twisting, turning, rabbit warren of a trail. So much so that it seemed inevitable that we’d cross trail. We did. Twice. But the rain had a cleansing effect on the marks and the hare’s reputation. By the time we got to Thomas and Church to cross trail the first time- his earlier marks were all but washed away from the rain. When we arrived at the Amish Market again, the rain wiped his old marks away like a divine squeegee leaving fresh direction for the pack. Like I said, the rain was magical.
A clue to the origin of this phenomenon might be found in the name of our On-in. We stopped at Biddy Early’s. I asked the bartender about the name. He looked and sounded like Colin Ferrell. He was a true Irishman. He said Biddy Early was from County Clare and was a witch of some sort. This might explain the extra help she gave Yankit on trail. Here’s what I found on Wikipedia:
Biddy Early (c. 1798–1874) was a traditional Irish healer who helped peasants. She acted against the wishes of the local tenant farmer landlords and Catholic priests and was accused of witchcraft. She spent most of her time alone and was said to "talk to the fairies". At some point Biddy acquired a bottle that became as famous as she was. She would frequently look into the bottle, which contained some sort of dark liquid, when considering possible cures for her visitors. She took the bottle everywhere, and it was even with her when she died.
By this we might conclude that Yankit was either talking to the faeries or peering into a little black bottle to give us a worthy trail.
The On-in was in the bar’s basement where we wouldn’t disturb the decent clientele. We feasted on curried French fries, nachos, salad and barbequed chicken. Before we ate, we sang this old familiar song:
The monks of St Bernard
The monks of St Bernard, St Bernard, St Bernard,
They don’t give a bugger at all. (Why not?)
They rise up right early, right early, right early,
And pee through the hole on the wall.
The green leaves are yellow,
The green leaves are yellow,
The green leaves are yellow
And so is the hole in the wall! (in the wall!)
Why do we sing this before eating? The Great St Bernard Hospice and Monastery is located in an ancient pass in Switzerland near the Italian border. The monks breed St Bernard dogs used for mountain rescue. Perhaps it is the cask of brandy the dogs are said to carry that attracted the attention of the hash? Perhaps that is why the song is sung before we eat? Tradition is good enough, I suppose.
Wet Connection and Noah’s Dinghy called the Circle to order. Wet Connection welcomed us to the twelfth trail. Noah’s Dinghy brought our hare Yankit into the circle. Yankit was reported to have said “it’s raining and we’re doomed.” However, Noah’s Dinghy pointed out that thanks to our F.R.B., Junky Monkey, we had an adequate co-hare. They were given the respect they deserve and a down-down.
Rich from that other island to the SE of Ireland was called into the Circle for arriving 30 minutes late and STILL beating everyone to the bar. We lifted our voices and told him he was #1. Basia and Pussy In Boots were called in and “called out” for cell phone use on trail. Fire-In-The-Piehole and Tit Totaler were both called in for overachieving. It was reported that they were given a short-cut but felt compelled to re-run the entire trail. They heard us sing Twenty Toes.
Noah’s Dinghy called for nominations from the floor. Tit Totaler remarked that when she and Fire-In-The-Piehole began to re-run trail, they were followed, despite their admonishments to “go away,” by Liz and Hot Rod. We rewarded these ladies by singing B.I.M.B.O.
Speaking of bimbo, it was at this point that Noah’s Dinghy realized we did have a visitor after all. He called Kelly into the Circle. When Kelly began to drink BEFORE we sang a song, he brought in her twin sister Mastercard for not indoctrinating her properly. We sang “Here’s to Sister Hasher,” of course.
Special thanks go to our most attractive bag handlers yet: Mary the Greek and Wendy. Special trail coming up: Liz will be haring the Greater Gotham Full Moon this Friday at 7:15 at Pete’s Tavern at 18th Street and Irving Place.
Disrespectfully submitted,
I-Feel Tower