NYCH3 #1294 – Mean Jean’s Birthday Hash

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Hares:  Mean Jean’s Royal Court

Start:  Union Square

On-In:  Plug Uglies, 257 3rd Ave.

Scribe:  Panic Button

Greetings Wankers and Wankerettes,
Despite suffering through a family filled weekend of prenuptial activities (Don’t worry folks, it’s the elder Button sibling who bit the big one), I was able to save the weekend by squeezing in a big apple hash before my long journey back to beautiful southcentral PA.  Lacking the cement jungle of a big city, most of my local hashes involve 1-23 stream crossings, acres of poison ivy, angry rednecks and hopefully a rabid animal or two.  One thing NYC does have, though, is a lot of mobile bipedal shiggy and a great live action version of the old arcade game "Frogger".
After arriving entirely two early for the freezing weather, I wandered around Union Square and danced with hobos to keep warm.  As the hashing hour approached, I found some marks which I presumed to be the starting point in the Southwest corner.  Soon after, some gullible virgins arrived and asked if this was the start. I confidentely assured them that it was.  Note: It is usually a poor decision to follow and/or listen to Panic Button, a theory which is further proved at virtually every hash I attend.  Luckily, a local hasher found us and directed us to the circle near the subway stop.  After connecting with the lovely harriettes AARPenis and Doggystyle, I wisely ignored chalk talk and the pack was off.
The trail was well laid and fairly uneventful (sounds like a good relationship).  I distinctly remember one hasher who, after nearly getting hit by a very responsible and always careful Jersey driver, proceeded to calmly ask him to "WATCH WHERE YOU’RE WAS F*ING GOING. LEARN HOW TO DRIVE!"  I always thought the appropriate response was "Hey! I’m hashing here!"
After following some pack arrows getting a shitty tour of the city, we ended back at Pug Uglies to celebrate the beautiful Mean Jean’s birthday! I’m pretty sure she was turning 23. After swilling some delicious Sam Adams, circle was called.  I’m sure a bunch of half-minds drank for some outrageous offenses.  We serenaded the bar with everyone’s favorite "Happy b-day, f* you" & the short and sweet "Him, Him, F* Him" for some wanker of a visitor.  The easily perturbed hasher drank for road rage, but was forgiven when it was revealed the driver was from Jersey.    I can’t remember who else had to drink or for what…..ah well, I’ll drink for that next time i’m in NYC!  I was able to nab a train out of town and was back home in plenty of time to get to work by 8 AM the next mornning.
Thanks for the hashpitality, it was great to see some old faces and meet plenty of new ones! Cum on down and visit us in the land of Susquehanna shiggy anytime!
Panic Button