Date: Sunday, Nov. 26th, 2006
Hares: Cockstar and Pussy Repellant
Punk-Ass Bitch (Scribe): Salt Lick
On-In: Crocodile Lounge (14th Street between 1st and 2nd)
Jerry Springer Meets the Hash
The NYCH3 is no stranger to girl-on-girl action. But we’re lovers more than fighters, tending to flick tongues rather than flare fists. That all changed Sunday at the Crocodile Lounge when a petite pig-tailed newcomer broke Mean Jean’s First Commandment, “Thou Shall Drink Your Down-Down When Given It.”
We should have heeded her warning.
“You see that little girl with the pigtails?” FMIG whispered as the pack aimlessly walked around SOHO following an impossible backcheck. “She’s evil.”
Always serving as the welcome wagon, never the instigator, FMIG had warned Geeya that wearing an IPOD while r*nning is frowned upon and would certainly result in her having to quickly consume a half-cup of Bud Lite while standing in the middle of a circle later that afternoon. Her response?
“I drink when I want to.”
Don’t Hashers always want to?
Apparently, she didn’t know the rites of passage as this had only been her second Hash and she had managed to escape the first time prior to her de-Virgining. She would not get off so easy this time.
Upon being called forth for her sins, she broke the Second Commandment, “Thou Shall Not Speak While Being Accused in the Circle.”
When Geeya refused her beer, Mean Jean, being always the fair negotiator, gave her a choice: Drink it or wear it.
Cockstar made the decision for her, pouring the aforementioned beverage on Geeya’s head. Instantaneously, the little girl’s face turned crimson and some say they saw her pigtails turn straight up on her head, resembling horns.
“You *!@#!!!” she yelled, chasing after Cockstar with a full pint glass of beer she actually had intended to drink and pouring it over her head. Always Cums First, fearful of an angry woman carrying sharp objects, quickly grabbed the glass from her and her hands turned to fists as she met the Hare’s eyes. Cockstar turned purple and a few shades of blue yet maintained her composure as her Co-hare, Pussy Repellent, stood by in case any clothes happened to tear off in the ruckus. What really went down after that moment is unclear, but Geeya is said to have vanished into the pits of despair (somewhere around 23rd Street).
Consequences of the Girls-Gone-Wild incident are as follows:
–The Brooklyn H3 was self-dubbed the “Kinder, Gentler Hash.”
–FRBs will be required to carry a sign reading, “Let’s Get Ready to Rumble.”
–Jumpin’ Jack Gash approached the committee about doubling Hash Cash to pay for security.
In Other News….
Free Pizza Yields New Song.
Hashers can overcome any obstacle when cheap beer and pizza are involved.
Cockstar and Pussy Repellent received mass applause for finding a new on-in with Skee-Ball, beer bargains, and free, yes free, pizza. Lunch, of course, feared that nothing in life is truly free, and compiled a pizza sandwich, grabbing as many slices as he could and even dragging them into a less-than desirable environment. Believe it or not, the move sparked a new Down-Down song.
The lyrics (30 seconds or less per the Third Commandment):
Who ate all the pizza?
Who ate all the pizza?
You fat bastard, you fat bastard, you ate all the pies.
Anyone else receiving this Down Down may be in the running for the “Ed Lunch Wannabe” award at the next AGM.