NYCH3 #1112


NYCH3 #1112

Date: June 29th, 2005

Start:  110th St & Fifth Avenue

Hares:  Leo, Dan and Diego

On-in:  Bruckner Bar, 1 Bruckner Blvd, Bronx

Scribe:  Flaccido Domingo


“Bridges Over the River Why?”


When a hare who lives in Brooklyn and hangs out on the lower east side decides to start his trail at 110th Street and Fifth Avenue, you know that he’s decided he has a neat idea that everybody will just love because its so different.  This, people, is why we have hare supervisors.  Alas, no such supervision this time around.


I thought the trail was fantastic.  Admittedly though, I was having dinner on the UES instead of r*nning it, so I’m somewhat biased.  With the torrential downpour at 5 pm, the trail was completely washed out and had to be quickly reset by the hares, this time much shorter than the original and without any checks, but still about five and a half miles long.  One can only imagine how long the original was  The trail apparently managed to cross three bridges, get Devo and Chad completely lost, and inspire Mickey Mouth to ask why a post-pride trail was so straight.  At least the pack was treated to some sort of lemony shot from Empress Norma at the foot of the Willis Avenue bridge.


Upon arriving at Bruckner Bar well after the down-downs (mercifully Cockstar took notes) I found not only a handful of very inebriated hares (no Leo, the ground wasn’t swaying, you were) along with Fast American Dave, Stacia, Norma, Mickey Mouth, Cockstar, Mean Jean, Jumpin’ Jack Gash, Kerry, Chad, Devo, Pussy repellant, Erika, Loretta, Lisa, Ookie Cookie, Dr. Steve, Bruce, StEva, Mike B, Mastercard and visiting Organ Grinder from Cincinasty.  All in all a pleasant experience from my vantage point.  Despite not being in Manhattan.


For the record, the following down-downs were doled out:


  • The Hares – Leo, Dan, Diego, Norma
  • Leo & Diego – One beer for each of the bridges the pack had to cross (3) and for having to give the pack individual maps of how to get out of the Bronx.  [Note to futures hares – when you have to print maps for how to get home, you need to rethink your on-in choice…]
  • Virgins and Visitors Organ Grinder (Cincy) and Henry
  • Chad for shameless self-promotion as youngest and sexiest hasher – and for his musical gig on Saturday
  • Lost on trail – Erica, for assuming that the trail went into the park (it didn’t) and then wandering around in the park for an hour looking for trail (there wasn’t any there) and finally returning to the start and having to cab it to the Bronx to get her bag, and then having to borrow money from Loretta to pay hash cash.
  • Sad bastard awards – Pussy Repellant and Mike B. for being the only idiots who didn’t run trail but still showed up at the on-in in the Bronx.  Mercifully Stacia and I didn’t show up until well after the circle, otherwise we’d have been part of this.  It pays to be on the mismanagement team, no?
  • A$$hole of the Week – Dr Bruce for stepping in dog poop on one of the bridge.  Admittedly lame, but since they didn’t have any AOTW candidates (other than the hares) they figured since the dog poop came out of an  [Editor’s note:  While the JM’s didn’t really have a good reason to give Dr Bruce the AOTW award, after the circle your faithful scribe overheard the following snippet of conversation uttered by Dr Bruce:  “Don’t get pregnant – let that be a lesson to you.”  I have no idea of the context, but maybe he did deserve the award?]


Here’s a fun fact for you:  Tel-Aviv car service, the one that promises they will take you anywhere in or around the city?  They refused to send a car to pick up anybody at the on-in.  Here’s another fun fact:  Carmel was willing to send a car.  It only cost $41 plus tip to go from the on-in to 23rd and sixth.  From LaGuardia the fare is only $25 plus tip.  Wait, lets do some more comparisons.  At $2 per beer (on-in prices), the $50 I gave the Carmel guy would have bought 25 beers.  That’s almost a round or beers for the entire pack.  It would have also bought 6 packs of smokes, with change.  At 20 cigarettes per pack, that’s 120 smokes, or about 4 smokes per person.  Heck, that $50 could have paid the entire pack’s subway fare home.  Fun facts indeed.


Before I let this tirade end, I’ve compiled a few thoughts which might be useful to anybody who intends to hare in the near future.  These have been passed along for years by many a hasher:


  • Nobody ever got a down-down for putting down too many marks
  • Nobody ever got a down-down for having too short of a trail
  • If you’ve been hashing for a while and nobody has ever done what you intend to do, there’s probably a good reason
  • Not everybody is training for a marathon
  • A check every half mile is a good thing
  • Turn.  We hash because running straight for a long time is boring.
  • If there is less than ten minutes between the FRB’s and the DFL’s arrival at the on-in, that’s a good thing
  • If part of the pack isn’t trying to shortcut but gets completely lost anyway, that’s your fault
  • If you have a wonderful new idea for a something on trail, run it by a JM.  They go to special training so that when a hare says “Wouldn’t it be neat if…” they automatically say “No.”
  • Hashers who want to leave Manhattan go to the NASS