NYCH3 # 1099

NYCH3 #1099

Date: April 3, 2005

Start:  St. Andrew’s (44th St. btwn 6th and 7th)

Hares:  Mean Jean and Legs Lesley

On-in:  MJ Armstrong’s

Scribe:  Cockstar



April 6th is Tart (an) Naked Day, depending on what Jean is wearing and who chooses to drop trou at the bar.  Here are some random facts about Tartan Day and their hash equivalents:

Numerous groups and societies throughout Canada and America have taken the anniversary of the Declaration of Arbroath (1320) as their national date to celebrate their Scottish roots. 

Numerous r*nners throughout the world have taken Wednesdays and Sundays as their weekly day to r*n for beer.

Before the Declaration of Arbroath, Scotland was organized under a clan system. Many members of the great clans traveled to the New World and named the places in which they settled in honor of their clan names. Today there are areas named Campbell, Cameron, Crawford and Douglas, throughout the US.

Before the hash was created in Kuala Lumpur in the 1890s, people either drank or r*n.  Many members of the hash have traveled all over the world and have gotten hash names, such as: Bottom, Head Up Ass, Pussy Repellant, Nail Driver, Meatballs and Finger Lickin’ Good.


Many locations in America were nostalgically named after the places the Scottish immigrants had left behind. There are eight Aberdeens, eight Edinburghs, seven Glasgows and eight places, simply known as Scotland, in the United States today.


On the New York Hash we have many people with the same name: (6) Daves, (3) Karens, (5) Jo(h)ns and (3) Bobs.

There are many societies in America, such as the St Andrew’s Society – named after the patron saint of Scotland, that attempt to retain aspects of Scottish culture and heritage.

There is also a bar, located at 44th between 6th and 7th Avenues, where we gathered last Sunday to  get our drink on before r*nning

Popular Scottish sports, such as golf and curling, were imported to America by the Scottish immigrants.

Curling (the 12 oz kind) and hurling (as in puking) are both popular sports on the hash.

Whisky is the national drink of Scotland and none can surpass it for quality or taste, which is why real connoisseurs will always insist upon it.

Beer is the universal drink of hashers and none can surpass it for calories and alcohol content, which is why true hashers will always insist upon it.

Central to life at the time of mass immigration to the United States was the Kirk (Scottish word for the church). When the Scots moved to America, they brought their religion of Presbyterianism with them. Today the Presbyterian Church has over 3million members and, is one of the largest mainstream Protestant churches in the US.

Central to hash life is the Circle (hash word for public humiliation, beer chugging and horrific singing).  When the hash moved from Malaysia to other countries, the hash brought the Circle with them.  Today we have absolutely no idea how many members there are on the hash because there is no official membership.  That being said:  we are not mainstream and are a helluva lot more fun than then New York Flyers.

There were three distinctive groups of peoples of Scottish ancestry that emigrated to America: the Lowland Scots, the Highland Scots and the Scotch-Irish.

There are three distinctive types of people who will gravitate towards the hash: FRBs, drunks and MAJOR drunks.

OK.  Enough with the trivia and let’s get the down low on what went down or who got down or who went down on whom Sunday.

At the Start/Bar

Early arrivals: me, Mean Jean, Lesley, HUA, Pussy Repellent, Charlotte, Chad, Fuck Me I’m Gay, Jon, Jumpin’ Jack Gash and his Very young nephew Ben, Kerry, Bruce, Scottish Andrew and what looked suspiciously like a convention of Devos (w/dates).

Later Arrivals:  Peter, Marie, Meat Balls, Dr. Debbie, Devo, Caroline, Nail Driver, Dave Long, Rob, Marit and Patrick.

Late Arrivals: Wet Connection and Dave Hardy.

Really Late: Got Wood(?).

Pathetically late:  MasterCard (one and a half hours into the on-in).

Having set trail in proper r*nning attire, the Scottish hares ordered their pints first before buggering off to the loo to change clothing.  Five minutes later they were back at the bar, donning matching Wee Jimmy hats and variations on Scottish plaid.  Lesley chose a green and blue mini-kilt, equipped with a very large and menacing pin, whilst Mean Jean opted for a tarty red/black/green plaid, the meaning of which she explained was contained in her book of plaids.

Trail, I hear, went west through the northern part of Times Square and headed towards Eleventh Ave. A bit of Lincoln Tunnel traffic dodging in the 40s and upper 30s, where the trail headed straight into a pedestrian barrier and where sensible people backtracked to use the traffic light, but many, we heard–boys mostly, just jumped across.   Back east to a check at 34th and 9th Ave., with true trail going through the Madison Square Garden underpass, through a parking garage and east again to Seventh Ave. Then it was a zig zag further east and south, around Madison Square park, down Broadway to a check in Union Square then east again through the two parks that straddle Second Avenue and then on into MJ Armstrong’s.


Not the usual fare there:  quesadillas, chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks and (surprise?) authentic Scottish meat pie thingies.  The usual suspects sauntered up to the juke box to select what would turn into “Drunk Hashers Dancing Like Chad” – in case you don’t know the move is akin to the white man’s overbite coupled with lots of fist pumping.  There were the usual hash complaints about too little food and the GOAN FUCK YERSELF response form the  hares.  The Circle was called:

Mean Jean and Lesley as the hares, brought a Scottish flag with them.  They drank again for bringing shite Scottish weather with them as well and again for a third time for two Wee Jimmy hat offenses.  Virgins:  Caroline (girlfriend of Devo), Jeremy, Sabrina and Anga.  The Devo Convention (Devos 1-3; sounds a little like a bunch of men I’ve dated) was called up for the brotherhood.  Someone was overheard yelling: “Don’t ANY of you wear contacts?”  Original Devo remained for yet another for the punishable offense of wearing a purported Scottish kilt.  In reality the “kilt” was more likely Caroline’s plaid skirt.  Well, when one person wearing Scottish garb drinks, they all drink (HUA, Bruce, Peter & Kyle).

Random riddle:

How many pairs of new shoes does it take Wet Connection to understand that if she wears them, she’s going to drink beer out of them?*

 Visitor Christophe, who lives in Boston was called up for a quickie.  Devo and Caroline drank for dating.  DBB and Mean Jean were up next for r*nning their 1st 10K race that morning.  Jumping Jack Gash was humiliated for whipping out his . . .  (no he wasn’t the Naked Guy – that’s later) Blackberry/Trio gizmo at St. Andrews, only to reveal that it was carefully encased in a wireless email condom.

AOW went to the new guy who wore the England sweatshirt at a Tartan Day hash.  Actually, it should have gone to the hashers as a whole for acting like total assholes the rest of the night.  There was surly behavior towards our nice bartender, broken glass, asshole complaints about no late night  beer deal and the rumored penguin walk one of our fellow hashers (who shall not be named herein) along the length of the bar upstairs, with his pants down by his ankles.  I saw nothing.


*We’re still counting.