Start: Chambers &
Hares: Lisa, Andrea, Jo(h)n
On-in: Brass Monkey, Little
Scribe: Mean Jean
Hash Do’s & Don’ts
Do fatefully select a stunningly gorgeous and warm early spring day for your trail; this way the scribe, who the week before had to set a trail in the pissing rain, can be bitter and angry at you while writing up your trail.
Don’t bet a JM that a guy with the balls enough to walk naked through a restaurant the week before won’t have the guts to show up this week, Cockstar; you’ll lose and have to pay his hash cash!
Do buy the econo-pack of Crayola sidewalk chalk so that everyone setting a trail in the next month will rob you blind of it, Jo(h)n.
Don’t piss off the cops by hurdling the tire-bursting barrier at the entrance to
Do lay trail in
Don’t set a check at the entrance to the
Do bring the pack through Little Italy and Tony’s Nut House; ah, memories of Toga Toga Toga! (Damn that was a fine write up of mine!)
Don’t worry about Soho’s narrow sidewalks whilst setting trail on a gorgeous day; we love playing in traffic—why would God make bumpers if he didn’t intend for F*ck Me I’m Gay to use them!
Do set trail across Holland Tunnel traffic; HUA lives on car exhaust.
Don’t end in the Meat Packing District where street names have no meaning and virgins new to
Do pick a bar next to a dog run so Lesley can entertain us with her complaints that all those dogs shouldn’t be in our beer garden.
Don’t hover outside for 45 minutes on a gorgeous day with Jonathan, Jumping Jack Gash, his wife, Peter, Dave Long and WC while Booty Call is inside at the bar; that is, unless you don’t like beer.
Do run out of hash cash before the down downs even start; hashers have a great sense of humor about such things.
Don’t forget to collect hash cash from
Do wear an easy-target t-shirt at the on in that says “Please don’t eat me” because the JM is clearly too wimpy to call you on it during down downs.
Down downable Do’s & Don’ts
- Don’t be a hare: Lisa, Andrea, Jo(h)n
- Do be a Virgin or visitor
- (But don’t expect me to remember your name if you are)
- Do wear new shoes to a hash, Roland and John; we like to watch you drink out of them.
- Don’t assume you know where the on in is based on the hares’ reputation, WC, who was a little late getting back from Tom & Jerry’s.
- Do cement your odd reputation for picking up books on trail, Fast American Dave; oh, and grab chick books especially (Love Story, Valley of the Dolls, How to Meet Mr. Right, Right Now).
- Don’t get picked as Flaccido and Booty Call’s down down stand-ins, Rob and Scott; you may never recover. This time it was for pub crawling in place of hashing and setting pack parks on trail anyway.
- Do drop your laundry off regularly lest you get a stinky clothes down down like Chadendale.
- Don’t be an asshole of the week like Meatballs; keep your togs on—nobody wants to see that (though I hear nobody saw much anyway).
Do feel guilty about hash cash running out, Andrea, and buy the pack another giant tub of PBRs on your own dime! Yum!
Don’t invite the hash back to your apartment for an On On In, Dave; do you really want people like us to know where you live?
Do show Booty Call the view from the roof garden; “yes, over here by the dodgy railing, Patrick.”
Don’t underestimate Fast American Dave, ladies: he’s well-sheltered, well-employed, well-read and well-hung! And he’s finally figured out how to get a bra off.
On on out.