NYCH3 #1373


NYCH3 #1373

Date: May 12, 2010

Start: Mr. Wright Liquors

Hare: Mr. Wright (at least to Hot Rod)

On-In: Tap-A-Keg

Scribe: Wet Connection

I recently "cleaned-out" my hash bag because of a strange stench that came from its contents. The culprit was a blue NYCH3 technical t-shirt (You know the one, because yours probably stinks too, admit it).

Foraging further, I found a red hoop earring (from a Santa Slut or RDR event), nubs of chalk, an expired Metrocard, a flashlight (okay, "torch"), a wrapper from a Luna Bar, instructions to set the hotline, a stack of dog-eared NYCH3 "business cards" — and a pair of clean underwear (hey, you never know when you’re gonna get run over on trail and need the spare pair for the ER).

Also in my bag were write-ups. Lots and lots of write-ups. Crumpled in heaps and long forgotten, I carefully unfolded these written reports (a history! a chronicle!) of where the hash had been…and where it was going, at least in terms of mindset. One dated back to July 2008 and was scribed by Noah’s Dinghy and USMW. Looking at it, I thought it sweet that this was before they exchanged nuptials – promises even maybe. I then realized it was a write-up about a trail set by Joe Pennsylvania, starting in front of Mr. Wright Liquors…and ending at…Tap-A-Keg.

"Ah the irony!" I thought. Not only because of Joey’s repeating his trail and my finding the goods on it by merely cleaning out my hash bag (and don’t think the thought of just lifting my material from the last write-up didn’t cross my mind…). No, but because two years later, this trail, though pretty much the same, would be quite different — as it would be the last trail set by Joey P. (Mr. Wright to Ms. Hot Rod) as a single man.  

Now, I know, I can hear you all saying it… Awwwwww….. I know. I know. Cute. Super-cute. Super-duper cute.

That said, for the untrained or uninitiated eye, the trail was much like any other. We ran through Central Park. There were checks. We solved them. We went west. We got concerned about just how far west we were going because the hare lived east. So we tried to go east, but kept going west.  Then the fabulous Vince and I, being back of the packers ended up benefiting from some sort of loop that put us firmly into the middle of the pack and on to the on-in at Tap-A-Keg shortly thereafter.

Now beyond newlyweds, we recently had an AGM where we elected new JMs (who also happen to be married, and who met on the hash…see a theme here folks???). But with one of the JMs out of town, the newly minted R.A. aka Fast American Dave and J.M. Tittotaler led the circle.

Now being a new JM can be tough. You never really know what kind of heckling you might get in the circle, you never know if a joke will fall flat or go well, and well, some times you just need notes. (I can hear the Brit in the back yelling now: "Notes?! Not when I was JM!" Eh, shut up and drink your beer…)

But being a host scribe, I was handed notes on the circle. Fairly common, you say, but I found the notes fascinating. FASCINATING.  For two reasons…

For one, the notes were written on the back of a paper memo (REMEMBER THOSE?) from a medical office. It just so happens that one of the JMs works in a medical office and over the years has described for me and others the copious amounts of memos and their ridiculous contents. This was one of those. You see, it had to do with charts. Color-coded charts. Red charts. Salmon-colored charts. Charts. (And I thought to myself "Aren’t red and salmon quite similar? Maybe there needs to be a memo about the difference between the red and salmon colors, and not just the charts." I swear, folks, if you were to get memos like this day in and day out, it would drive you to drink…or at least hash.

But I digress. On the other side was the list of down-downs. But what I found fascinating…FASCINATING! about this was that the new JMs (okay, from the hand-writing, I’m gonna guess it was FAD), was that in addition to the offenses; listed were also THE SONGS TO BE SUNG FOLLOWING THE OFFENSE!

Whoa. (Okay, angry Brit in the back, I can hear you now, chime on in…) Now I know it happens from time to time that a JM blanks out on a song, which is usually when we point to someone in the crowd and say "Hey, you, gimme a song!" And then that person blanks out…and so on, and so on… but herewith I share with you their "playlist:"

•·         ‘Why Were They Born’ was sung for the hare (Joey P.) and the soon to be Missus.

•·         ‘Here’s to the Virgins’ sung in honor of Hot Rod’s dad and others who ran the trail. (But like, duh, if Hot Rod is his daughter…ah, nevermind).

•·         What a wank’ was sung to Devo for something about peeing as fast as lightning, running fast and flaunting it with Hot Rod’s dad getting another down-down for finding similar relief on trail.

•·         ‘Twenty toes’ was sung for Rack & Roller and Oral Values for jumping out the gates early with a potential win for Couple of the Year with their matching running outfits

•·         ‘Horse’s Ass’ was sung to the hare, for a great tale told by JM Tittotaller about Joey P’s "near miss" with the law. Something about Gracie Mansion and flour, but any more information requested and we’ll all take the Fifth.

•·         ‘Brother Hasher’ to Finger-f*cked and Eager 4 Beaver – something about those darn Vibrams again.

•·         "Asshole" to Ow My Balls! for stealthily selling white technical hash t-shirts to the women, who may actually sweat in them, thus adding the potential for impromptu wet t-shirt contests amongst us this summer.

•·         And finally, a heartfelt rendition of "Just Say No" sung again (this time with irony given the roomful of drunkenly married hashers) to Joey P. and Hot Rod for their exchange of vows.

Awwww…. And with a special hash Congrats to Hot Rod and Joey, the night ended with pizza, beer and fun had by all.

On on.