April 5, 2009
Scotland Day Run
Start: St. Andrew’s Pub – 44th St between Broadway and 6th Ave
Hares: Mean Jean the Down Down Machine, Legs Lesley and Fire in the Piehole
On in: Danny and Eddies
Scribe: Eager for Beaver
It is a little known fact that Scotland’s famous scientists have also been avid hashers and great contributors to the pastime:
· Sir James Dewar invented a kind of flask, to keep his Dewars from spilling on trail.
· Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, invented the telephone, which he first used to call the hotline on one of Dogface’s trails (this was in the late 1800’s, before our trailmaster learned the "mark each corner and middle of the block" rule from Hardman).
· Thanks to the great Scottish anatomist Sir John Struthers, if there’s anything us NYC hashers know about, it’s anatomy.
Using this genetic advantage, our hares got positively scientific on our asses, setting a convoluted trail through the green highlands and farmlands of New York City. The prelude at St. Andrew’s Pub in midtown was packed with both men and women in skirts – this thoroughly confused the pack as no one knew who to hit on. Fire in the Piehole chalk-talked the pack in what I guess was Pig-Latin, which thoroughly entertained him but had nothing to do with Scotland or cross-dressing at all. The pack was then sent uptown along Broadway, then 7th Ave, and back to Broadway with the first check at Columbus Circle. The trail then went, annoyingly, further west through Lincoln Center before finally getting to the weird part – Central Park.
The trail in the park was more convoluted than the Scottish coastline, weaving over, and then back along the bridle path. The pack continued north and east over some rocks, through huge piles of wet mulch, along Sheep Meadow, down and around Turtle Pond until finally seeing concrete again past the Metropolitan Museum.
Although the hares were rumored to have set trail using a sextant, HP scientific calculator and a bunch of magnets, they apparently couldn’t be bothered to dial a phone. So at some point on trail – probably the check-back 5 in the park – several dress-wearing hashers called in to the hotline only to find that the on-in and start locations had not been set. So much for Alexander Graham Bell’s contribution to the Scottish gene pool.
The trail ended at Danny and Eddies on the upper east side. The pack, relieved to have survived the trail and find beer at the end, called for justice, which was dispensed with a William Wallace-like vengeance by the JMs:
· Mean Jean, Legs and Piehole were punished for the trail.
· Just Lisa for getting lost just trying to find the start.
· Everyone wearing a kilt got theirs.
· Mark got AOTW for yelling ‘Make A-Hole’ at the pedestrian horde.
· Bottom for stepping on a dog and hugging a Japanese tourist. Just Chris and Red Headed Steve witnessed the events, and reenacted them for the pack.
· Mark’s dad for his 52nd birthday.