BH3 #505 – Toga Hash
March 15, 2010
Start: Grand Army Plaza
On-in: Cherry Tree
Hares: Ding, Sandy Syphillis, Sh*t Fit
Scribe: Trader Blows
Ahh Idus Martiae, The Ides of March is upon us. We don’t have too many Greco-Romans in the hash, but it gives us an opportunity to wear togas and expose pale skin, so here we go… I arrived 20 minutes early to the start, as usual, to find that I’m the first one there. The wind was picking up, it was getting dark and overall nasty. Soon after the three hares showed up: one of them, Ding, covered in flour and flaunting a cool stencil that he used to make arrow marks.
After the pack fully assembled, the hares informed us that the chicken was about 3 miles and the eagle was about 5. We lost the trail almost immediately, and when it was finally located, we somehow ended up in the dark woods. I emerged from the woods with Oral Values, Technically Foul, Tim and Ed. We knew we were in trouble when we finally found arrows and they were pointing in the direction we were coming from. The hotline was called and we discovered that we were three and a half miles from the On-In. Med evac attempts failed after the cab refused to pick up 5 sweaty fools in togas. Three and a half miles later and over an hour and a half on trail, we finally walked into the bar. Before we had any time to recover, the
circle was called. The down downs were given to:
* Hares: Ding, Sandy Syphillis, and Sh*t Fit
* Such a shitty trail wasn’t only the mistake of the hares, but also of our hareraisers, Dogface and Sandy Syphillis.
* Oral Values, Technically Foul, Tim, Ed and Trader Blows were given some beers for being DFLs.
* I wouldn’t know it, but apparently there was a drink check and apparently some hashers found it. Red Headed Steve, the hasher formerly known as Shit F*t was last seen getting drunk on his own supply. For that he was renamed Facial Discrimination. (Editor’s note: Buy the man a Prairie Fire to celebrate the renaming when you see him.)
Now we get to my favorite part of the evening: the awards:
Most likely to be invited to the orgy (Male):
Nominees are: Porno Putz, Noah’s Dingy, Virgin Michael, and Trader Blows. The award goes to……. Porno Putz
Most likely to be invited to the orgy (Female)Nominees are: US Marine Whore, Twisted Nipple, Sandy Syphillis, and Headlights. The award goes to…… Headlights
Least likely to be invited to the orgy (Male)
Nominees are: Smashmouth, Splat, Ding, and Hoboken Dave. The award goes to……. Smashmouth
Least likely to be invited to the orgy (Female)
Nominees are: Ding, FMIG, and Dogface. The award goes to….. of course… FMIG
The circle ended but the pizza was nowhere in sight. The hashers continued doing what they do best: drink beer. All hell broke loose when the bartender sprayed water in his hair and started playing consecutive Bon Jovi songs. To allow some hashers to preserve the little dignity they have left, I won’t talk about stripper pole performances by those hashers with and without the Y chromosome. The pizza eventually arrived after some of the hashers already gave up and went home.
See y’all next time,