Knickerbocker Hash House Harriers #13
Start: Knickerbocker Club 62nd and 5th
On-In: P&G Bar
Hare: Just Rich and Just Liz
Scribe: Mickey Mouth
Just Rich bellows to the pack huddled against the blustery snow storm, “I cannot tell you! How important this expedition is! If you succeed! You will help all those that come after you! The way will be hard! But remain strong! Have faith!”
He turns towards the ToS Four, clad in short trousers, FAD, Eager4Beaver, Wet Willy and Fire in the Pie Hole, “Testicles of Steel! You know your mission! Do not be daunted by those who put on jeans and buffs! Be stout! Even in the face of peacoats! ONON!”
The pack beleaguers forward. “Good Luck!” yells Just Rich. “good luck,” he whispers to himself. Just Rich turns to the ones left behind, they have dug deeper into their parkas. “Just Liz! Take Ow My Balls and get to base! Mickey Mouth and I will follow!” Just Liz and Ow My Balls grab a tauntaun and take off. The storm rises up! Wind! Ice! Just Rich yells, “Mouth! Find a tauntaun! We have to get out of here now!”
Mickey searches, scrambles, tries to glimpse the reins of a free tauntaun. Success! Mouth hollers to Just Rich, “I’ve got one! Come quick!” Just Rich clambers over and mounts the tauntaun. Mouth throws the bags on, but the snow is falling too fast! Ice is forming quickly around her. “Just Rich! Leave! Go on without me! For the good of the hash!”
Just Rich, barely keeping the tauntaun under control as it rears up, “No! Mouth! Grab on! You can make it! I won’t leave you!”
Mouth, with her last remaining strength, “No! I cannot! I cannot go on any further! Because….live from
[over the loudspeaker…] It’s the Knickerbocker H3… With the KH3 Mismanagement… And the usual suspects… And a virgin… Featuring P&G bar & comedy club… And your host, Mickey Mouth.
MM: “Thank you so much. Thank you very much. It’s fantastic to be here hosting the KH3 live recap show. It was great hash, even though we ended up on the West side. (silence)…ok, you guys are as cold as the weather was. Speaking of weather, the temperature is as low as the hash standard at
[Commercial Break]
De de doo dum de de dum…It’s the Newly Wed game, with your host Mickey Mouth!
MM: Hello! Welcome to the Newly Wed Game! Let’s meet our lovely couples shall we? Just celebrating their anniversary, is Wet Connection and Burke! Just hitched this summer, it’s Eager4Beaver and, oh, playing the part of his lovely wife will be Mean Jean! And finally, the lovely Tit Totaller and Fire in the Pie Hole. Welcome. I will ask you some questions about your spouse and if you get them right, you win hash cash. Ready?
Burke, Wet Connection witnessed an event when she was young that forever scarred her against canines. What is it?
Burke: She has a problem with dentists? Maybe one became enameled, I mean enamored with her, and tried to cop a feel when he was drilling?
MM: Oh, no, I am sorry. At age 6, she went to go get the dog Klugle for a walk, and instead found his owners knockin’ boots! Doggy style if you know what I mean….ok, Mean Jean. Eager4Beaver really likes to hit the family hottub. Why?
Mean Jean (playing Allison): Oh, ahem, (changes her voice a little) I know this. He hops into the hottub with me and the sisters and mom and he can’t tell who is rubbing their craggly toes up against his. It really becomes a HOT tub…
MM: that’s right! Now Tit Totaller. Who, after taking an oath to serve, protect and support the Riddle Run, who backed out not because of work, but for a lousy vacation?
TT: Fire in the Pie Hole!
MM: Yes. Very sad. Ok, it’s a tie, we’ll do a run off next week. Come back and see us then!
[Commercial Break]
Camera pans the P&G bar…hash circle…slowly focuses in on Scottish Lesley, with hoodie up…and in the most ghetto she can muster…
(boom….booom) Lazy DownDowns (boom…boom)
Lazy downdowns! Time to gather ‘round. Talk about the run and the crimes that went down.
2, no 6, no 12! Baker’s dozen! Nuf’ downdowns for even Vinny, my cousin!
Just Rich and Just Liz set a trail to the brew. Didn’t use google maps? True that, double true!
One returnee and one virgin more, they acted like they never saw a beer before!
IFeelTower knocked a cripple ol’ lady to the ice, but he did the right thing yo, he picked her up nice!
Andy called the owner of the hat for cattle, the reunion was touching like Sleepless in
He is now Hat Trick? That sounds too ambitious. The NYC hashes ain’t that crazy capricious!
PussyinBoot’s crime, is left to fate, my memory is lost like in 50 First Dates!
DBB tried to make Mickey Mouth a sucker, but they called false accusation on him, mother fucker!
It’s the chronic (what!) cles of KH3!
[Commercial]
It’s Weekend Update, I’m Mickey Mouth and today we have an exclusive look at a newly erupting scandal in the KH3, the Fluffer, or well, lack thereof. The Fluffer serves a vital need in other hashes, making the virgins feel special, wanted even. If an isolated species just keeps reproducing with each other, they become slow, dim-witted. There needs to be variation in order to adapt. This is the roll of virgins and the Fluffer is the lube that slides the virgins right in. The KH3 Joint Masters, Mean Jean, Noah’s Dinghy and Wet Connection, are here with us today to answer some of our probing questions. Mean Jean, why don’t you have a Fluffer?
MJ: Well Mickey, we are a new hash kennel and we want to be open to ideas; we are not hampered down by history. Fluffing is a special art. For example, I fluffed Peacoat Brian into an inch of his life, but he already had a commitment and couldn’t stick around. Was my effort wasted? Would a professional Fluffer have succeeded? These are all very good questions.
MM: Are you considering expanding the role of the Fluffer?
WC: We are open to explore all these possibilities. A few men at this last hash, veteran hashers, did need a little coddling. Eager4Beaver was heard saying that his testicles were about where his nose was. But Wet Willy reported no problems with his own testicles and the cold weather. So, you see, we have a number of issues that need to be addressed. And how the Fluffer, if any, could address the needs of the KH3 will take time and research.
ND: We are considering contracting FAD, the NYCH3 Fluffer, to serve as a consultant while we seek the proper fit for the KH3. The fluffy, I mean, the Fluffer – we certainly don’t need another Fluffy – could become a vital role if we do it right.
MM: Mean Jean, Wet Connect, Noah’s Dinghy, thanks for coming in. You have left us with important questions to contemplate.
[Commercial]
KH3, P&G and Mickey Mouth say “Thanks, and good night!”