NYCH3 #1300

NYCH3 #1300

(With Pub Crawl!)

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Start: Bryant Park

On-In: Bar East, 90th and 1st

Hares: Fire in the Piehole and Fast American Dave #6

(With Joe P. the Previous Night)

Happy New Year everyone & welcome to the first NYCH3 of 2009, which also happened to be NYCH3’s 1300th trail. Convenient, that. Before this scribe relates the events from that trail, here’s a quick overview of everything you missed from the special pub crawl the day before.

The New Year’s hangovers were barely healed when Joe Pennsylvania (ably assisted/supported by Hot Rod) assembled the pack for a very special event. Thirteen bars on 1/3 for the 1300th. With that many 13s what could go wrong? But more on (or should I say moron?) that later. The trail (OK, the drinking) began promptly at 13:00 (see, another 13!) at the Kinsale Tavern. Ah, they looked so young & fresh-faced there. That didn’t last long as by bar number 2, Brother Jimmy’s, they were swilling booze out of jars. Brother Jimmy’s also features a $22 all-you-can-eat-&-drink ribs & beer special on Sundays. Potential On-In location? Bar number 3, the Crowe’s Nest brought up many lovely & horrific memories of the Marathon. We were also joined there by visitors from Baltimore, who this scribe dimly remembers were named Golden Showers & No Name Whore. The punishing 0.31 mile trek between The Gael Pub & The East Ender had the pack crying out in hunger & thirst. But many of the pack waited until the next bar, Ryan’s Daughter, to ‘borrow’ some dinner from another party. A Swiss flag was also ‘borrowed’ there & remained strategically placed in an alpine location for the rest of the evening. Our beloved JM Lauren had the good sense to ditch the pack to have dinner with some friends, then had the even better sense to bring her friends back to the pub crawl. After many more adventures, the pack washed up at Aces & Eights. What could be more appropriate for the bitter end of a pub crawl than a bar named after the Dead Man’s Hand (quick quiz: why is it called the Dead Man’s Hand?). Anna & Steve showed up only for the last bar, but they gave a whole new meaning to the term ‘back in the saddle again’. In the final reckoning, here are the survivors of 13 of 13: Joe Pennsylvania, Hot Rod & Splat (potential mates take note, their fitness has been clearly demonstrated). We also have honorable mentions to Blackout & Leo for achieving 12 of 13. Finally, for your edification, here is the full list of 13 bars in order: Kinsale Tavern, Brother Jimmy’s, Crowe’s Nest, Reif’s Tavern, Pat O’Brien’s, Molly Pitcher’s, The Back Page, The Gael Pub, The East Ender, Ryan’s Daughter, Danny & Eddie’s, East End, Aces & Eights.

With that your honorable scribe can recall no more until 15:00 the next day when the pack assembled at Bryant Park. The pack gathered to watch the zamboni clear the ice-skating rink. Everyone loves the zamboni. I think it’s just that the word is so cool: zamboni; zam – bo – ni; zam – …, sorry, where was I? Ah, yes, Bryant Park. There the hares gathered the pack for what would certainly be a challenging 1300th trail. With Fast American Dave & Fire in the Pie Hole as the hares, how could it not be. They promised chicken & eagle trails, with the eagle weighing in at 13 km (there’s that 13 again!). 13 checks were promised as well. If you’re not triskadekaphobic yet, you will be. With a huge pack turned out for this special event it was hard to get the pack’s attention focused on trail. But shouts of ‘Beer! Go to the beer!’ seemed to work. This scribe isn’t even going to try to describe the ensuing Death March up to the Upper East Side, except to note that ‘misleading’ seems to have been the word of the day, see below. Trail wound up through Central Park then came to a much-needed end at Bar East (honestly, Upper East Side bars need to get a bit more creative with their names). The thirst of the pack was overwhelming. Fortunately at least some of the pack had had their hunger satisfied, see below.

And now without further a-doo-doo, here they are, the 13 down-downs of the 1300th:

1. The hares, Fast American Dave & Fire in the Pie Hole.

2. The visitors, All The Way In & F**k Me I’m Actually Gay (no, no relation to FMIG, though he should be).

3. The virgins, Jen (Mary made her come) & Heather (Lisa made her come to the pub crawl the night before & apparently she didn’t get enough!).

4. The pub crawl hares, Joe Pennsylvania & Hot Rod.

5. The sole survivor of the whole pub crawl, the aforementioned Splat, was honored with a down-down.

6. Lauren drank for her ‘alternative’ math on the pub crawl (hint: half of 13 is not 6).

7. Maribeth drank for her concerns about fellow pack members ‘misleading the Persians’. There was a whole lot of misleading on this trail, so she was hardly alone in her concerns.

8. Hot Rod received the Smashmouth award for a spectacular, mud-covered wipe out.

9. Basia drank for stopping for a hot dog. Since when is a bit of sausage a crime?

10. Wet Connection drank for misleading some Japanese tourists (told you this trail was misleading).

11. Peter & 69 Down drank for being misled onto the eagle trail when they thought they were on the chicken.

12. One of our visitors, All The Way In drank for luggage on trail. Seriously, the hares had to get a second cab to haul this monster sack.

13. Jumping Jack Flash drank for moving away, apparently to a desert somewhere. Sounds dry, how about another beer?

Yes, I know, that just wasn’t quite enough was it? Well, fortunately for you, we had four special encore down-downs (or maybe Lauren was having math trouble again?):

14. Another one of All The Way In’s monster sacks was spotted while he was changing. Eager 4 Beaver shouted ‘Where?’

15. Evone spotted a turkey on trail. Was that on the chicken or the eagle trail? See, even the birds are getting misled.

16. We had a down-down for all the old JMs. How they got us this far, we’ll never know.

17. Meredith drank from her shiny new shoes. They were a Christmas present from her hubby, isn’t that sweet! With down-downs finished the pizza feeding frenzy began. On on to 1400!

On out,