NYCH3 #1204


NYCH3 #1204
Date: 18th March 2007
Start:   St Patrick’s Cathedral
Hares:   Basil & Loretta
On-in:   Dive 75 (75th & Columbus)
Scribe:  Fire-In-The-Piehole

There aren’t many rules in the Hash; almost by definition it eschews such formalities but I believe it’s fair to say that, as a guideline if not a rule, a successful A-to-B hash is generally predicated upon the assumption that one doesn’t know where one is going to end up let alone how one’s going to get there.

Now, those of you who don’t suffer from Alzheimer’s may recall that my write-up of this trail in 2006 was a plagiarism of Cockstar’s write-up of the 2005 trail. So when I arrived at the familiar site of St Patrick’s Cathedral for the St Patrick’s Day Hash and overheard our esteemed Hare utter the phrase, “I didn’t have a lot of time so I didn’t try to do anything too original” to Wet Connection and Mean Jean, cathedral-sized alarm bells started to go off in my head.

There are two things to note here, for those unfamiliar with Basil and his use of the English language. Firstly, in the above quote the word “too” is entirely redundant. Try reading the sentence again, this time putting the emphasis on “anything” and skipping the word “too”. Secondly, Basil’s been around quite a while; his perspective on life is more – how should I put this – “big picture”. So when he says he “didn’t have a lot of time”, he’s talking about the fact that he set his last trail a year ago and has only had 12 months to prepare for this one. A “lot of time” for Basil, or at least sufficient time to prepare for such an event, is presumably measured in interglacial periods.

Coincidentally, the current interglacial period is at risk of being lengthened through some anthropogenic forcings that are quite beyond my understanding but about which Al Gore knows a great deal. Therefore, in order to reduce our impact on the environment and as a public service to future generations of St Patrick’s Day Scribes, I thought we might economise on our paper usage. To wit…

———8<———-CUT———–8<———HERE———-8<————-

Start: St Patrick’s Cathedral
On-In: Dive 75
Date:  __ March, 20__
Hare:  Basil
The trail went north into Central Park, round Belvedere Castle and ended up at Dive 75. Basil was given a down-down for repeating last year’s trail. There were __ visitors. The Virgins, of which there were __, were told to drink. ___________ was given a down-down for __________________. ____________ was given a down-down for wearing new shoes. ___________ was AOTW. There was beer and pizza. We all got very, very drunk.
On On

———8<———-CUT———–8<———HERE———-8<————-

Start: St Patrick’s Cathedral
On-In: Dive 75
Date:  __ March, 20__
Hare:  Basil
The trail went north into Central Park, round Belvedere Castle and ended up at Dive 75. Basil was given a down-down for repeating last year’s trail. There were __ visitors. The Virgins, of which there were __, were told to drink. ___________ was given a down-down for __________________. ____________ was given a down-down for wearing new shoes. ___________ was AOTW. There was beer and pizza. We all got very, very drunk.
On On

———8<———-CUT———–8<———HERE———-8<————-

Start: St Patrick’s Cathedral
On-In: Dive 75
Date:  __ March, 20__
Hare:  Basil
The trail went north into Central Park, round Belvedere Castle and ended up at Dive 75. Basil was given a down-down for repeating last year’s trail. There were __ visitors. The Virgins, of which there were __, were told to drink. ___________ was given a down-down for __________________. ____________ was given a down-down for wearing new shoes. ___________ was AOTW. There was beer and pizza. We all got very, very drunk.
On On

———8<———-CUT———–8<———HERE———-8<————-

Lather, rinse, repeat.
That ought to keep you going for a while.

In all the excitement, or distinct lack thereof, I’ve omitted to bring to you the down-downs for this year’s event. Yes, Basil got one for repeating last year’s trail and, lest we forget that he had a partner in this criminal non-adventure, so did Loretta. Hardy received a down-down for posing as an Orangeman on trail. Since most people were busy reaching for their Wikipedias to look that one up, he managed to escape with his life. There were Visitors & Virgins. Exactly how many is uncertain and you don’t really care anyway. Cree received the “Clever Bunny” award. Don’t ask why ‘cos I don’t know why. FMIG was awarded the Hasher Etiquette Award for spitting and greeting passers-by. I’m not sure of the direction of the spitting or the nature of the greeting or whether the greeting comes before the spitting. I’m sure my copy of Debrett’s will tell me.

Finally, Lauren was awarded Asshole Of The Week for reasons which are also, thankfully, lost in the mists of time…at least until next year when we can, without doubt, look forward to a repeat performance.

Past performance, it seems, is a guide to the future after all.

On On


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