July 12, 2006
Start: east side of City Hall Park, across from the Brooklyn Bridge
Hare: Oh Shit/live trail set by Fast American Dave
On-In: Jeremy’s (Front St.)
Punk-Ass Bitch: Jenn
Torrential downpours rendering umbrellas useless and causing flooding in surrounding states. Severe thunder and lightning. Could it be Armageddon? No…just Oh Shit setting trail. And the Gods didn’t like it one bit so they launched a tornado at New York. Lucky for us (and unluckily for Westchester County) the Gods have a hasher’s sense of direction and distance. The skies cleared by 6:45 and a sizable group of hashers arrived unsure of what trail lay ahead.
Oh Shit’s trail may have been gone but with Fast American Dave was so afraid that the rain would have washed away his FRB chances he rejoiced at setting a live trail. Mean Jean laid down the law and stated we couldn’t de-pants him but he tied them on tight anyhow.
Not only did Oh Shit of course have flour but he hovered over the pack at the start like a den mother. He advised us to use the buddy system. He passed out little folded maps with the trail and on-in indicated, labeled (nay stamped!) on the outside “Confidential”. Oh Shit was so happy that Fast American Dave would set the live trail that Oh Shit was going to wait 15 minutes before letting the pack out. Mean Jean declared the wait over after 3 minutes and we were off, right into the glaring eyes and path of New York City’s finest. Lesley was closest to the man in blue as he was looking at some flour in the shape of an arrow outside the park’s gate. He was investigating reports of “a highly suspicious male” throwing a non-descript white powder on the sidewalks in the area. Lesley held back the urge to point to Pennsylvania Joe and explained that it was flour and gave him the rest of the script.
Dawdling a bit around the area we soon made our way to the West Side Highway and through the entirety of Battery Park City. We went around to the seaport and to Jeremy’s where we found Dave covered in flour, breaded and ready for the deep fryer. And we complied with the ever-forgotten hash rule that states “bars must have bras and/or underwear hanging somewhere on the wall or the hares must surrender their own.”
After the hare Lesley and Joe B. got down-downs due to Lesley almost ratting him out as the highly suspicious male to the aforementioned police officer. Courtney for stopping in a Starbucks and peeing during trail. For some reason at this point we had an Ass Ranger interlude. Although he didn’t run the trail he showed up to the on-in and we were sure he’d done something recently to deserve a down-down. Andrew for his speech impediment, er, ‘accent’. The pack, when Andrew responded to ‘Are you?’ could not be sure if they had heard a “cab hooting” or Margaret Thatcher in response. Our Assh*le of the Week went to *** for innocently and naively thinking about keeping up with Fast American Dave by ‘accompanying’ him on the live trail.
Although hash cash was only $10 bucks it didn’t included food so we were on our own devices (read: eating wings, cheeseburgers and fries from Jeremy’s). Even without spending hash cash on food there were enough people to easily polish it off and almost build a styrofoam-cup castle to the ceiling…almost.