Date: June 22, 2005
Start: Broad and Wall Streets
Hares: MasterCard et al.
On-in: Local 138
TEQUILA – Does a Body Good.
Or, at least Mean Jean tells me we got to “five tequila” a piece (or at least some of us did) at the Committee Meeting on Tuesday night. For those of you who don’t know what happens at a Committee Meeting, we sit around at a bar – this time it was outside at Blockhead’s on 50th between 8th and 9th Avenues – generally get pissed and pissed at each other. If you’re not there, we gossip about you. And, we try to solve world peace, design new shirts and decide what to do with all of the money we have in the kitty. Then we eat dinner or, in this case, not and retire to another bar.
However, at this particular meeting, we discussed hare raising or the lack thereof. My understanding was that Jumpin’ Jack Gash had signed up Drew (of Chadandale) and Meatballs for the #1111th r*n. The week before the r*n, Drew informed JJG that he would not be able to co-hare. That left MC with a week to confirm with Meatballs that he would be able to cover for Drew. So, on Monday the receding hareline emails go out with: “Does anyone have Meatballs’ email address?” Turns out Meatballs was in Europe – so no go on the being able to cover for Drew.
So, given it was MC’s f*ck-up, we made her hare. At the conclusion of the meeting, around 9:00PM, almost everyone went to another bar (shockingly, I had the sense to go home). Wednesday morning, I sent Flaccido an email:
What time did it end?
To which I got the following response:
MC left my apartment at 2AM. We were mapping trail.
Hmmmm . . . 2AM at Flaccido’s means that there was a copious amount of Bourbon consumed and some sort of GPS mapping device employed to lay out an intricate trail with lots of clusterf*cks and circle jerks. So, when the email announced a start at Broad and Wall – a block from MC’s office – there was no surprise.
As usual, MC showed up late at the start. Rich was there manning the visitors and virgins. Co-hares Flaccido and Booty Call, however, were no where in sight. Bad sign. It was kind of tinkling rain and no one was particularity psyched to suffer through what was surely to be a sh*tty last-minute trail. To the hares’ credit, we were informed that there would be not just one, but two beer checks.
After chalk talk, MC told the pack to leave our bags at the corner – duh!!!!!! Ummm . . . . MasterCard, someone said . . . it’s kind of hard to get a cab at this corner given that there’s no traffic allowed down this street. Right. OK. Then bring your bags to Wall Street and Broadway. Once we dumped our bags, MC informed us the start was a check at the corner from which we had just come. Damn it!
Now at this point I get lost. Mickey Mouth and I hit just about every street except the one with true trail. By the time we got back to the start, the pack was gone without a pack mark in sight. Having insider information that the 1st beer check was close to the start, we headed to the east side, figuring it couldn’t be in Battery Park. Apparently the trail went south and around the Bull on Broadway where there was a circle jerk. Then, I assume, east. We caught up with the pack around Stone Street and trail went east and north, past the Fulton Fish Market and the Seaport and then past the New Jeremy’s – a couple of us were convinced that’s where the first beer check was going to be.
Nope. Trail continued north through City Hall to the 1st beer check at the Patriot. Dave the
Body was heard commenting: “Amazing how they pipe the same smell in here as Off-the
Wagon.” Trail then went west, past the Reade Street Pub and then north (I think) up
Greenwich. We hit parts of China Town and Little Italy – only to go to the Toga R*n Pre
Lube – Tony’s Nut House for beer check No. 2. From there, trail went north and ended,
unpredictably, at a new on-in: Local 138.
With Rheingolds-a-plenty (@$2 each) and promises of good beer to come later, the pack moseyed into the back room (quickly dubbed the VIP Room — (very intensely putrid)):
1) MasterCard and her minions; Booty Call, Flaccido Domingo, Rich and Stacia. Flaccido claims he heard applause for “his” trail. I think he’s full-o-sh*t.
2) Flaccido for doing what he calls “mapping trail” at 2AM with MC.
3) Flaccido for being a “Trail Nazi” while setting trail, refusing to let anyone else make a
4) MC for showing up to set trial an hour late and promptly stepping in dog sh*t at the first check.
5) Visitors and Virgins: Mora, Mary Margaret, Denise and Boner Malfunction . . . to name but a few.
5) Karen Z. and Pussy Repellant: Karen, because she fell tits over ass at the Bull on Broadway at the circle jerk and Pussy Repellant for alcohol abuse when he dropped his can of Rheingold VIP room at the on-in.
6) Speedy Gary was called up for the new shoes he was wearing. However, he refused to drink out of them because he had r*n in another pair. The new ones, apparently, were for the ladies to admire and he steadfastly stuck to his guns as the Circle jeered.
7) Ewa/BaboonAss/Stinky Pinky (thank G*d) did not drink out of brand-spankin’ new pink shorts, but out of a cup.
8) Dave the Body got engaged to Stacey – so there was a Just Say No chant.
9) Sanjay. The previous week he informed us that he had been banned from ever setting trail at the NYCH3. Now we know why. After reading last week’s write-up, Mean Jean got an email from Offensive Discharge (who currently resides in Denver and who was winner of the Worst Trail of the Millennium at the 1,000th R*n), who asked whether this was the same guy he set trail with five years ago.
10) No surprises here. AOW went to Speedy Gary for being such a pussy and not drinking out of his shoe. This time, he did.