NYCH3 # 1075 – Red Dress Recovery Stumble

NYCH3 #1075    Red Dress Recovery Stumble

Start:  72nd St. & Broadway

Hare:  Stacia and Dave Long

On-in:  Ding Dong Lounge, Columbus Ave. between 105th and 106th Sts.

Guest Scribe:  JoHn

Date: October 17th, 2004


TM:    Good evening ladies and gentleman and welcome to Fox Sports’ broadcast of the Red Dress Recuperation Stumble.  I’m Tim McCarver and alongside me is Joe Buck and Al Leiter.

JB:     The story tonight Tim is of course the incredible pounding this pack has taken in each of the last two nights.  Make no mistake about it, this group has been beaten up badly.

AL:     No doubt about it Joe.  I was at the start and it was not pretty.  Pale faces, cold sweats, shaky hands.  Talk about a collective hangover….


          “Hi kids, Scooter here!  A hangover happens when adults drink way too much the night before!”


JB:     Er, uh, yeah.  Like I was saying, this was one sorry looking bunch.

AL:     Our scouting report has the pack starting on trail at 72nd and Broadway and heading straight into Central Park.  After some over hill and over dale crap they cut out of the park and across the lower 80’s into Riverside Park.  Uptown trough the park and back across 98th and then up Columbus to the Ding Dong.


          “Hi kids, Scooter here!  The Ding Dong is a dive bar where you can acquire a nice hangover!”


JB:     Is this necessary?

AL:     Defying expectations – and recent precedent – this was a very well marked trail.  Who knew?

TM:    Not now Joe, here comes the pack.  We’ve got Booty Call, Jaime, Kyle, Christine, Magoo, Alice, Lisa, Cockstar, Scottish Andrew, Wiener In Hand, Wrong Way, Mastercard, Rich, British Dave, Lunch, Norma, Andy, Karin, Industrial Entrance, Vince, Loretta, Steve, John (twice!), Ed, Basil, Dave Hardy, Smashmouth, Doug Guiley, Anne, Michelle, Chad, Patrick.  Oh, and here comes Eva, Rick and Marit – did they not run?

AL:     You talk about determination.  These guys have heart.  This pack doesn’t get by on brains.

JB:     They’d be in big trouble if they tried.

AL:     Yes sirree.  Sheer grit and determination gets them through a trail.  Unquenchable thirst helps too.

TM:    Hey guys, did you know they have Bloody Marys on hash cash?!

JB:     Settle down Tim.  Here come the down-downs…


          “Hi kids, Scooter here!  A Down-Down is when you get to drink yummy beer.  Try it when your parents aren’t home.  Its fun!”


JB:     Routine down-down for our hares Dave Long and Stacia.  One down.

AL:     Visitor Industrial entrance gets his for being from Raleigh.  Virgin Jaime just for being.

TM:    Oh my!  JM Dave Long with a whopper of an error!  He forgets to give Jaime a beer so he has to do her down-down for her.

AL:     Those are the kind of mental mistakes that can just kill you in a hash like this.

JB:     The close-up of Jaime’s face says it all.  Confusion, dejection.  What an ass of a move by the JM.

TM:    Next up Mastercard.  This kid’s got heart.  Loses her bag at one bar, her phone at another…

AL:     I can’t believe she’s even here.

JB:     Going to the WebMD Health Checker we see… major pain in the head for Mastercard.

TM:    I’m a future hall-of-famer and I have to put up with this shit?  I need another drink.

JB:     Bill Janeway up next – oh wait, he left.  Doug Guiley pinch hitting since he got a year older yesterday.  Faaahhhk you….

TM:    Come to think of it, this entire pack looks like it got a year older yesterday.

AL:     Stacia next up for losing the chalk within 5minutes of starting to set trail.

JB:     Coming in off the DL are Kyle and Cockstar.  Let’s give ‘em a hand.

AL:     Ahhh, fuck ‘em.

TM:    What’s this?  A fan on the field.  Civilian down-down.  They really should stop serving alcohol sooner at these things.

AL:     Now you’re talking out of your ass Tim….


          “Hi kids, Scooter here!  Talking out of your ass is what mismanagement does!”


JB:     Uh, right.  Ok.  Smashmouth next.  Tim, you might want to slow down on those Bloody Marys.

TM:    Drink it down-down-down-down…  I love that tune!

JB:     Back to the down-downs then.  “That guy there” (Chad) just got called out by the JM just for staring at him.

TM:    Up next is Rick for his Lance Armstrong impression.

JB:     By the way, tonight’s play of the game is when they finished the “Roll back my foreskin for me” song and the bartender was overheard saying “I’m so glad I got stoned before coming to work today.”

AL:     And there’s Karin yammering into the JM’s ear while he tries to give another down-down. And yup, now she’s got the down-down.  Had to see that coming, eh Joe?

JB:     And here comes the final down-down.  Crowd is on its feet.  Oh, it’s a beauty.  Loretta.  For standing next to Basil.  What a great call.

TM:    I said it before, these mental mistakes just kill this pack’s hopes.  What was she thinking?

AL:     Its sad, really.

JB:     Not as said as the JM almost forgetting Asshole of the Week.  And the nominees…. The JM of course for almost forgetting AOW.  And Mastercard.  Just because.  Oh look, a vote.  Should it be the JM?

AL:     Oh the crowd is going crazy!

JB:     Or Mastercard?

          (cue the sound of crickets at night…)

AL:     That settles that.

TM:    Boy oh boy these drinks are good.  Last time I had one this good was back in 1993 in Philadelphia.  That was the night the waitress introduced me to the Rusty Trombone…


          “Hi kids, Scooter here!  A Rusty Trombone is when….”


JB:     All right, let’s stop this nonsense right here.  On behalf of Tim, Al, myself and Fox Sports Network, On-out.

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