On In: Uh oh? But it was on Water betwn Pine and Wall
Scribe: Mean Jean
Top Ten Reasons You’re Getting a Lame-ass Top Ten List for a Write up
10. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (That’s the international sign for “writer’s block”)
9. Believe it or not, I do have a life.
8. Okay, I don’t have a life, but neither do you if you’re sitting here reading this drivel.
7. I need a dye-job and the blonde hair is from what I derive all my creativity.
6. The Horror, the horror, the horror.
5. I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.
4. I was too busy writing Top Ten Favorite Lines from Literature to be bothered.
3. I’ve come down with short term memory loss and I can’t remember much
2. I’ve come down with short term memory loss…oh, I said that already, didn’t I?
And the number one reason why you’re getting a lame-ass Top Ten list for a write up…
1. I’m a working girl and my man doesn’t pay me to sit around and write funny stuff for free.
Top Ten Reasons Devo’s Trail Sucked
10. Devo set it.
9. Six and a half miles is not a subset of the advertised “3-5 miles”
8. Well, it didn’t really suck but I don’t want him to start thinking we like him.
7. You can talk to HUA all night at the On In and still not hear til the next day via a second-hand email that he’s getting MARRIED.
6. My scintillating shortcutting pissed off Heather and Lesley.
5. Traditionally, the first mark after a check should be in the same borough as the check.
4. HUA put down the dreaded, feared, maligned-since-Wet-Willy-tried-it-four-months-ago PACK CHECK*…and, due to JM standing, emerged unscathed.
3. The On In was at the last bar in
2. Virgins, virgins everywhere, never-to-be-seen-again.
And the number one reason Devo’s trail sucked…
1. Well, Devo set it.
Top Ten Infractions against the HASH, punishable by drinking crap beer out of plastic cups
10. The hare, Devo, for not setting a really crap trail—what about tradition, man!
9. Joe “the Body” Croft, who the day before made Slow to Blow trip and twist his ankle in Central Park, all but killing his triathlon bid.
8. Virgins & Visitors, too many of you to name, too many we’ll never see again, so who cares!
7. Lesley, for sporting her new geeky sports watch that she couldn’t even work.
6. HUA for his PACK CHECKING; bald Rick stood in for him as JMs are too good to do down downs (note sarcasm).
5. When one baldy drinks, they all drink…three baldies emerged from the woodworks.
4. Rick and Dave Long for wearing bad 1980s band t-shirts.
3. Mastercard, for her usual tardy habits, this time for arriving twenty minutes late to the start of the Queens half, yet to register
2. Dave Long, for the insidious Trailmaster crime of forgetting the plunger
And the number one infractions against the HASH, punishable by drinking crap beer out of a plastic cup…
1. AOTW, to Cree for sending his young brother to sell the haberdashery. Of course Cree wasn’t there so Cree again because his young brother Wyeth had to be a stand-in redneck for the down down. “Squeal like a pig!”