Knickerbocker Hash House Harriers #28
Wednesday 22 December 2010
Start: 20th and 3rd Avenue
On-In: Lolita
Hares: Barf-fly and Just Josh
Scribe: Mickey Mouth
Showtime! At the Hash-pollo!
“Just Peter, I wonder if this will really be as good as they say?”
“Leggs Lesley, who knows, probably hit or miss.”
They sit down in 4th row orchestra seats, right in time for….
“Hello, Harlem! I’m your host Mickey Mouth and it’s Showtime at the Hash-pollo! (wild applause). Tonight, well, like every Wednesday night, you will see incredible performers and lousy hams. Clever jokesters and atonal divas. Are you ready? (applause). I SAID, are you ready? (wild applause!). Great! Before we start the real show, we like to encourage the youngsters out there to dream big. So, let me make this clear, there is no booing for this boy. You will have plenty of chance for that later, believe me. So put your hands together for Speedo Gonzales!”
Speedo G. dressed in an oversized suit, fidgeting with his clip-on tie and shuffling his feet, walks out hesitantly. “Don’t be shy, Speedo, come on. Audience, help him out here!” (more applause)
“Hel-lo, I will be singing you a theme song from old-time classic TV. The Brady Bunch.
Here’s a story, of a birthday Barf-fly, who tweeted from 5 bars in a row. She had to set hash, and sort the bar out. Could she do it? Well, we just don’t know.
Here’s the story, of newbie Just Josh. Who is he? I haven’t a clues. But he was going to set trail, and man a drink check, Or were they takin’ us for fools.
And then the Wednesday when the Barf-fly met the JJ. The bar smelled like farts and quick went the cash. But this group would somehow make a good night, that’s because they’re the knickerbocker hash, that’s be-cause they’re the knickbocker hash!
Thank you!” (the audience roars!).
“Wow, that was excellent! Thank you Speedo! Ok, audience, now comes the part you have been waiting for. You know the drill. Boo-em or cheer’em, their fate is in your hands. So let’s begin! First up? It’s Punk Ass Bitch.”
“Hey, folks, I hope you are all doing well tonight. You won’t believe what I heard on the way over here. The hare did not have any bag hag planned for the hash!? Whoa! Is that not insane? I mean that’s like setting trail in blue chalk, or leaving the start before Smashmouth. Or, actually, it’s like not wearing a hash shirt. It’s a mortal sin!! (the crowd chuckles…one boo). And then! Some unnamed hasher named , Laurel brings luggage? Luggage?! We should charge for that shit, yo! The airlines do! (boos start all around) What are you booing. No bag hag! Luggage, this is crazy stu-“
Siren goes off, Mouth comes on stage, “You’re out!” Punk Ass Bitch walks off. “Let’s hope we can do better with the next one? Here is, oh, I like this name, Hot Rod!”
“yeah, yo yo yo NYC. Kick it! (to the tune of New Edition’s Cool it Now)
Everybody bring it round here, it’s time for downdowns, call up the virgins and hares.
Barf-fly, J. Josh and P. Love Mission or is it machine? I can’t read my rendition.
Punk Ass Bitch and Fireman Tim, for wearing shorts, nice legs but silly men.
And the hashers keep telling them to…
Drink it down, you got to drink it down, ohhh watch out, you’re gonna spill the beer.
Drink it down. You got to drink it down. Drink it down. Why are we wait…
Smashmouth Trifecta took a toll, Steva, Hot Rod and Rack and Roll
Becapped Fireman Tim drank two quarts, maybe he’s cold cuz he’s wearing shorts.
(Audience is clapping along, cheering)
Last time Cheeky B. early went, had to go to work in Macy’s basement
And the hashers keep telling them to…
ALTOGETHER NOW
Drink it down, you got to drink it down, ohhh watch out, you’re gonna spill the beer.
Drink it down. You got to drink it down. Drink it down. Well then we will wait…
Thank you!”
(The crowd roars!! Applause, encores…)
“Wow, Hot Rod that was fantastic, listen to the audience, they loved you!”
“Thank you Mouth. Thank you audience!”
“Ok folks, we got another one for you. I hope you like it. It’s Pimpy Long Stocking! Give it up!” (applause)
Pimpy LS walks to the center of the stage. He’s wearing high socks, shorts, hash shirt. He starts to run in place. Then stops. Looks around. Puts hands akimbo. Purses his lips. Takes out his phone. Dials. Shakes his head. Takes a bow.
He turns around, and back again.
Now he pretends to be chatting with people. Flitting from pretend person to person. Big laughs. Interested looks. Pretends to be drinking. Finishes his drink, turns it over to show it’s empty. Points to the pretend glass and signals for one more. Goes wide eyed and throws the pretend glass on the floor.
Boos start immediately. Sirens ring. Mouth says “You’re out!” Pimpy LS walks off.
“Urg, sorry about that, you did not like the modern mime huh? Ok, we got one more for you. Here’s Pussy in Boots!” (applause)
Pussy in Boots walks out. Stands front and center. “ahem, Ode to KH3 8 Dec. Oh, 8 December you weren’t so bad, despite all the disadvantages you had. FAD whined “This is the night I leave the hash sober,” But did he really leave without any blur or s-slur? The dumplings came, but maybe 1 pound? Certainly not enough to go around. Some were so hungry they drank the sauce. That’s not beer but soy sauce they tossed. A lot more happened, but my notes I can’t read. Better tolerance or penmenship is what I need.
Thank you!” (wild applause!)
“Thanks Pussy in Boots. I think you mesmerized them. Ok folks. That’s the show! We are going to take a break and then come back and you’ll vote for the best one!” (woots and hoots and applause)
“Hey Leggs, how’d you like it?
“Just P, it was hilarious!!!”