Start: St Patrick’s Cathedral, 5th Ave
On-In: Dive 75 (75th & Broadway)
Being the Scribe is often tougher than it seems. After all, the events that we describe week in, week out are broadly identical:
1. Run to a bar
2. Drink beer
It’s not rocket surgery.
Still, each time we are required to come up with some original way of describing this repetition. To be fair, there are some distinguishing factors that make our job a little easier: the trail might be different, the bar might be different or the beer might be different.
On this particular occasion, none of those things is true. The hare, the start, the trail*, the bar and the beer were all the same as they were for the St Patrick’s Day Hash in 2007. So, at this point, I could do some gag where I just include the write-up from the previous year. However, the problem is that I already did that…last year. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, for the third year on the trot we have the same hash. So, as a public service, remember to print off this handy cheat sheet for next year’s trail:
1. From the start, head up 5th Ave and into the Park.
2. Take a wander up the Mall.
3. I hear Belvedere Castle has nice views at this time of year.
4. The great lawn resembles a shamrock leaf…and a large circle jerk: don’t be fooled.
5. If you’re above the 85th Street Transverse, you’ve gone too far north.
6. If in doubt at a check in the Park, head west.
7. Upon exiting the Park, make a beeline for 75th & Columbus: don’t let any wayward hash marks persuade you otherwise.
Now, we don’t have the same bunch of clowns showing up each week and, even if they do, their propensity for stupidity is in fact a bottomless pit which preserves us from utter boredom by providing us with endless entertainment, the scribes with reams of material and the JMs with bountiful opportunities for Down Downs.
This evening, however, it seemed as if there hadn’t been any noteworthy calamities on trail (which I put down to the fact that if one runs the same trail often enough, one eventually gets it right). Nevertheless, this evening’s honorary Master of Ceremonies, Smashmouth, called upon our Hare, Basil, to drink. The list of what was wrong with the trail was apparently the same as last year’s list.
This being the St. Patrick’s Day Hash, DBB also felt it only proper that the Irish amongst us should be honoured with a Down Down…or if you weren’t Irish but knew an Irishman/Irishwoman then you should apparently also drink (that would be the category into which your humble Scribe falls). I was joined by Basil, YankIt, Trish and some chap in a “Flip” hat (No, I have no idea).
Which shenanigans bring us to the Visitors and Virgins segment of the show, the latter first: Anne Marie and Steve. (I’m told Anne Marie is actually not a virgin but just never shows up and is presumed therefore to have recovered her virginity by virtue of her extended abstinence, while Steve is a work colleague whom she dragged along for the evening). The Visitor this evening was some chap from Okinawa who contributed to the singing with gusto. Indeed, it seemed as though he would have been more at home in a circle that involved a back yard, a cooler and a block of ice to sit on (If you don’t know, don’t ask). By contrast, I’m sure this was all a bit tame and civilised for him.
Here endeth the circle. (Yes, really that short).
Beer and pizza was forthcoming and our happy pack of hashers sought solace in the fact that at least this element of predictability was infinitely preferable to the predictability of, say, a Summit Hash in Manhattan that is chaotic from the start and ends up in a crappy Chinese Restaurant. (Again, keep this handy cheat sheet handy when *that* hash shows up on the Receding Hareline).
1. Be somewhere else.
The aforementioned happy pack included Victoria, Empress Norma, Lisa, Heather & Joe, none of whom I saw on trail (largely because I showed up at the start with Mastercard-style tardiness). Heather (no, the English one), Abby and Lexi’s Bitch sans Lexi were also in attendance. The Old Guard™ were represented by Alice & Geoff, YankIt & WetConnection and DBB & Andy M. The Young Whippersnappers were represented by Junky Monkey and Laura who, apparently, has never made it into a write-up…until now. There were others but they either left before I had a chance to say hello or were not polite enough to introduce themselves to me.
*To avoid a trail being set too close to other trails (which involved people running around in white sheets or bunny outfits (again: if you don’t know, don’t ask)), there was a programming change to this year’s St. Patrick’s Day hash: Basil was asked to set his trail for the NAWW as opposed to the NYCH3. Not a big deal, you might think, except if the only trail you set all year is during the day and you’re asked to set one at night, you might forget that some places (such as…oh I don’t know..The Central Park Zoo, par example?) shut between you setting the trail and the pack running it. Basil consequently managed to bestow a small dose of chaos upon his otherwise sequacious pack. While one might debate whether it’s ultimately the Hare Raiser’s fault for confusing poor Basil, what you can’t do is give Basil credit for accidentally creating some variety on his trail.