Official Organ of the Greater Gotham Full Moon
Hash House Harriers
G2FMH3 Hash #204 – Friday, January 25th, 2008
Hares: Eager 4 Beaver with moral support from Empress NormaStart: 110th and BroadwayOn-In: Homer's World Famous (Amsterdam at 83rd)
Punk Ass Bitch (Scribe): Tim
The hash started out with a bang. Fortunately this was not a literal bang, considering that the police were involved. Still, it came as quite a shock to see the police interview one of our fellow hashers as a suspect in a string of upper west side robberies. Although looking back on it now, I'm not sure that my shock had anything at all to do with the fact that the police suspected one of our own of being a felon. Rather, I think it was more a case of hypothermic shock setting in after standing around in the cold for 30 minutes while the cops checked out Gabe's id. (By which I mean his identification. Clearly they didn't do a Freudian analysis of Gabe's inner most desires. That would just be preposterous.)
Once this case of mistaken identity was finally sorted out, the hare distributed chalk and we were on our way, thankful to get moving in order to keep warm on a cold night. Unfortunately the moving didn't last too long, however, as the trail was completely lost at a check upon exiting Riverside Park, and we were once again left standing around in the cold. I may have started to think some negative thoughts in regard to the hare at this point, but it turns out that it was not his fault at all. It seems that somehow there was an erroneous pack false mark placed between the check and the first real trail mark. No one knows how it got there. Many theories have been suggested, including UFOs, wandering packs of children, temporary insanity, and divine intervention. We're waiting on the chalk analysis results before making a determination. But rest assured, we will find the culprit.
Things went much more smoothly from this point on. The trail made its way through Columbia, and then went up and down the stairs of Morningside and Central parks. We r*n around a little more, then turned down Amsterdam for the home stretch, and arrived at the On In, Homer's World Famous.
Usually when you think of an On In, you expect a somewhat dim bar where you can sit in the dark and shamelessly try to drink as much beer as possible before hash cash is exhausted. Homer's World Famous was a deviation from the norm; this was a brightly (some might say garishly) lit family style diner. And although such an environment would make most behave more respectably, there were several among us who refused to be bound by society's constraining conventions. In other words, we proceeded to get kind of drunk. This process was greatly aided by the hare's decision to forgo the traditional hash pizza, and instead just order copious amounts of french fries. Regular fries, steak fries, curly fries, waffle fries, shoestring fries, crisscut fries, fry shapes that haven't even been named yet. But nothing solid to serve as a dinner, or to help one maintain some small semblance of one's sobriety. Or dignity.
The circle was formed up, family style diner be damned, and down downs were bestowed upon the worthy (or unworthy, depending on your point of view). First up was the hare, Eager 4 Beaver. There were no particularly egregious offenses noticed in how the trail was set, so this passed with a minimum of heckling.
Next up were virgins Ross and Cindy. In a surprise twist, Cindy then revealed that she was not a virgin, but in fact a visitor from some city or other, the name of which escapes me now. With her cover blown and secret identity exposed, she then told us her hash name is bossy p*ssy.
More personal information was revealed during the next down down, which Gabe was given for hashing while black. While singing the down down song “he's got a little tiny penis but he's alright”, Gabe gave a not so inconspicuous eye roll to indicate his disagreement with at least one of the two previous statements.
Tit-totaller was given a down down for trying to get wine from a bar next door, and apparently for trying to break into a bathroom while it was in use. Gabe gave Empress Norma a random abuse of power down down. Eager 4 Beaver was called up again for setting the trail wearing the awesome combination of suit and sneakers, a look that received its undeserved bad reputation due to an unfair association with other true 80s fashion disasters). Finally, Sideshow Bob got a down down for trying to make the hash respectable through some intricate scheme, the details of which I no longer recall.
After the circle broke up we were told it was time to move to the adjoining room, a regular bar where the hash cash would continue. After several unsuccessful attempts to get everyone to move to the other room, I think it was Red Headed Steve who was finally able to get the herd going. We congregated in the next room, and enjoyed the seemingly endless hash cash. Some passed the time by engaging in thought provoking discussion, others by playing air hockey. But like all good things, the hash cash eventually came to an end. It lasted an impressively long time, making it almost until midnight. Faced with the prospect of having to pay for more beer at that point, we all turned into pumpkins and left.