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The Truth |
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Official Organ of the Greater Gotham Full Moon
Hash House Harriers
G2FMH3 Hash #188 – Friday, January 5th, 2007
Mickey Mouth's 5th Annual Birthday Riddle R*n
Start: 9 West 57th Street
Hares: Mickey Mouth and the Mouthketeers
On-in: Reif's (92nd & 2nd)
Punk Ass Bitch (Scribe): Noah's Dinghy
It was early January in New York, which of course meant that as we gathered near the start for Mickey Mouth’s riddle r*n, temperatures hovered in the low 60s with high humidity from a rainstorm earlier in the day. We started near a large 9 on 57th Street, through which Fire in the Piehole suggested that Salt Lick could easily pass. Though we never found out, the lady declining to assist in the experiment, it likely would have been easier than finding some of the riddles.
Mickey and Mean Jean arrived to inform us that frequently solving the riddles would lead us not to the next one, but its approximate geographic area. So we were to be not just cryptologists, but cartographers as well. This was apparently owed to a combination of the weather and concerns about foot traffic. As a result, they had set also an ordinary trail, which occasionally followed the same route as the riddles, and was estimated to be about 8 miles. More than a few scowls fell across hashers’ faces, which only brightened when Jean urged the women hashers to do their best to stay with the pack once in Central Park. Happy Birthday, Mickey!
We were off, and soon proved that in fact hashers are a well-educated, quick-thinking bunch, as most of the riddles were solved speedily. At least, they were once a lucky hasher managed to find the well-concealed riddles. No one located the riddle supposedly left near Bethesda Fountain in Central Park. Mickey insisted it was on a nearby walkway; if so, continental drift swallowed that path before any of us arrived. Fortunately, the trail happened to intersect nearby, and we simply r*n to where US Marine Whore awaited with the next riddle and a drink check.
After that, riddle-solving got considerably easier. At least this is what I was told: the weather had created a considerable amount of fog in the park, which was appropriately dark and empty. Seriously, you could have filmed a Jack the Ripper movie that night. I decided to stick close to a couple female hashers; we lost sight of the remainder of the pack, never found any more riddles, and finally gave up and called the hotline. (Actually, my knees were killing me and I couldn’t have r*n faster if I was on fire, but it was at least 27% motivated by chivalry.) But I understand others found their way with ease, so good on them. Wankers.
The on-in made up for all of this, however: there was beer. And pizza. Then came the down-downs for the hares – Mickey, US Marine Whore, Mean Jean, Dave Too Long, and Dr. Steve. We had two visitors: Not Half Bad from Lisbon (which to judge from his accent is in the Dublin section of Portugal), and a woman who introduced herself as I Can’t Say It, It’s In Thai and Means Something Like Bitch. They’ve got some creative though complicated naming going on in Bangkok. The FRB down-down initially went to Yank-It, who was promptly disqualified for calling the hotline after the first riddle. You have to appreciate his commitment to beer if not theme hashes. True FRB beer was then awarded to Jonathan, who actually solved riddles. However, the passing of the bag never took place, as it remains in Devo’s possession. Fast American Dave and Wet Connection were called up for their guesses to the riddle US Marine Whore had given us: an 80s TV butler. The answer was “Mr. Belvedere,” and we were supposed to go to Belvedere Castle. Wet Connection tried Mrs. Beasley from “Family Affair,” while FAD guessed “Charles in Charge.” Who knows where they would have gone based on these guesses, but I suppose Dave would still be wandering the park, desperately looking for a statue commemorating “Joanie Loves Chachi.” Upon hearing about this, Mickey and USMW sang a half-remembered version of the “Charles” theme song, unfortunately reminding everyone that there was apparently a time when Scott Baio was considered cool. Moving along, one of the earlier riddles informed us to head for CPW and every hasher’s favorite sexual position. Dave Too Long received a down-down for hanging out at 68th Street, wondering where the check was. I have no idea what or who a “68” involves, and I don’t want to find out. Mickey was then serenaded with “Happy Birthday.” The down-down for DFL, like FRB, turned out to be a hot potato. It first went to yours truly, who r*n right past the on-in, and didn’t look up to realize this for a couple more blocks. Apparently 92nd Street comes after 91st, but not after 95th. Someone should look into this. Then DFL went to Bottom, who had arrived at the start late, and was ordered to drink for some missing hashers. A while later, the missing – Empress Norma, Fuck You I’m Straight, and his friend (who actually left with the pack) – finally made it. FYIS and his friend stuck around and drank their down-downs, some 2.5 hours after beginning the hash.
That bit of drinking out of the way, we got back to drinking, and a good time was once again had by (nearly) all. Until next time,
On out!