August 23, 2006
Start: the Astor Place cube
Hares: Ewa and Molly
On-In: Lucy’s (Ave. A and E. 9th St.)
Although August is supposedly vacation month there was once again plenty of new faces (and all the old ones you hope forgot what you did that last time you got really drunk). But as Peter reminded us: just wait ‘til February. Then we’ll know who the new hashers are that stick around.
If we only had tape-recorded Ewa’s chalk-talk…WOW. Truly one of the joys of my short hashing experience. She needed two people to translate and I wonder with there being two hares, why couldn’t Molly do it? But where would the fun in that be?
The huge pack stayed together for the beginning, oh, three miles or so. At first I thought I recognized the trail I had co-hared about a month ago but then I realized we were passing by every major landmark and every hash-frequented street in lower Manhattan. Some hashers were destined to r*n the same west village loop of the trail two or three times. The “backs”, as we were then called, got a golden ticket from Steve who avoided the whole loop and led us toward the final three or four miles, which included a west-east full-width of the island r*n along Grand Street before turning north and back west a little to Lucy’s. Although most of us made fun of Don for wearing a GPS watch the size of a UPS scanner on his wrist most of us also kept passing along his little bit of information about the trail being 6.89 miles.
The bar was all ours when the down-downs commenced and the older Polish bartender was loving every minute of it. She clapped and danced along while we punished one and all for offenses. First the hares for marking the trail using magically disappearing chalk and by scratching rocks into the sidewalk. If you were one of the hashers that got caught in the black hole on trail and ran the same path over and over again you may finally have noticed the checks had numbers inside. We speculated the number represented the times Stewa had had sex in that doorway in front of the check.
Perhaps a dozen virgins and visitors triumphantly made it to the on-in. If ever there was doubt that New York hashers—1. not only hate singing but 2. don’t even know that many songs anyway—it was cleared up when we used the same exact song for both the visitors and virgins and no one cared. A visitor named Shop Teacher from the Brevard, Florida hash made it in. An enthusiastic hasher, he even made it to the Br**klyn hash that week despite staying in New Jersey.
GPS Don and Crazy American Dave looked eerily alike and drank for being separated at birth. For “lactose-loading” on trail Fast American Dave added some beer to his three on-trail milkshakes and on-in ice cream cone.
I don’t think he got a down-down but the next note I have on my sheet (I even numbered the down-downs…well I tried…but I was already drunk by this point) is “Joe B. = ASSH*LE”. Hmm? I wonder what he did? Maybe you should ask him.
Someone named Courtney may have tried to run through a car door at one point. And keeping with the recently consistent tradition of “when 1 (insert noun here) drinks…they all drink” our other friend Courtney joined in.
Did you try calling the hotline while on trail? After five or six miles…maybe after a difficult check…maybe after running the same section of trail two or three times you decided to give up? Well tough because Ewa didn’t set the hotline until late. And then Peter had to reset it in English. Good thing though because even Fast American Dave called to find the on-in. Wait, let’s clarify. He had to convince C*ckstar to call the hotline.
And in the TMI category we found out that when Molly went to Ewa’s apartment so they could set trail Ewa told her she had already set trail. You see, Steve had gotten back early from some time in London and Ewa set trail earlier in the day, anticipating his return. Molly was shoved out of the apartment and told to c*m back in an hour so they could have their, um, some, quality time. Assh*le of the Week went to Ewa for abandoning her co-hare and for setting an extremely long trail with all the pent up energy from not getting’ any.