NYCH3 #1171
August 9, 2006
Start: 96th St. and Broadway
Hares: P*ssy Repellent and Eric
On-In: Reif’s Tavern at Second Avenue and East 92 Street
Scribe: Joe Pennsylvania
This is my very first hash write up. It isn’t very long. Drink it down, down, down, down…
Okay, pretty weak start. Let’s see. I need material to fill this page. Have you ever wondered what would a newspaper story would look like if a reporter from each of the four major New York City newspapers reported on a hash?
New York Post:NEW YORK, NY – AUGUST 10, 2006: A hash took place last night on the Upper West Side. After a pre-lube at Dive Bar, the hashers gathered and after instructions from hares named Pussy Repellent and Eric, set off for the run. The trail headed towards Riverside Park, where a check confounded the group (because the hares used a minimal amount of flour on true trail), then over to Central Park, where the runners were greeted by a chicken-eagle split. Both splits crossed the park to the Upper East Side and into a tavern called Reif’s Tavern, where copious amount of alcohol was consumed. Hash cash ran out at about 10:30PM, and all hashers somehow made it home safely. Neither Paul LoDuca, his completely hot, Playboy bunny, wife, and his 19-year-old smoking hot little chippie vixen girlfriend were present at the event.
New York Times:NEW YORK, NY – AUGUST 10, 2006: A hash took place last night on the Upper West Side. After a pre-lube at Dive Bar, the hashers gathered and after instructions from hares named Pussy Repellent and Eric, set off for the run. We are against the war in Iraq. The trail headed towards Riverside Park, where a check confounded the group (because the hares used a minimal amount of flour on true trail), then over to Central Park, where the runners were greeted by a chicken-eagle split. We are against the war in Iraq. Both splits crossed the park to the Upper East Side and into a tavern called Reif’s Tavern, where copious amount of alcohol was consumed. We are against the war in Iraq. Hash cash ran out at about 10:30PM, and all hashers somehow made it home safely. Did we mention we at the Times are against the war in Iraq?
Wall Street Journal:NEW YORK, NY – AUGUST 10, 2006: A hash took place last night on the Upper West Side. The run took place simultaneously with Microsoft’s 800 million tender offer share buyback. After a pre-lube at Dive Bar, the hashers gathered and after instructions from hares named Mr. Repellent and Mr. Eric, set off for the run. The trail headed towards Riverside Park, where a check confounded the group (because the hares used a minimal amount of flour on true trail), then over to Central Park, where the runners were greeted by a chicken-eagle split. Both splits crossed the park to the Upper East Side and into a tavern called Reif’s Tavern, where copious amount of alcohol was consumed. Hash cash ran out at about 10:30PM, and all hashers somehow made it home safely. Hey, does that chick Salt Lick still work here?
New York Daily News:NEW YORK, NY – AUGUST 10, 2006: A hash took place last in Lower Manhattan. After a pre-lube at Dive Bar, the hashers gathered and after instructions from hares named Pussy Repellent and Eric, set off for the run. The trail headed towards Battery Park, where a check confounded the group (because the hares used a minimal amount of flour on true trail), then over the Brooklyn Bridge, where the runners were greeted by a chicken-eagle split. Both splits crossed the bridge to Brooklyn and into a tavern called Reif’s Tavern, where copious amount of alcohol was consumed. Hash cash ran out at about 10:30PM, and all hashers somehow made it home safely. [Followed the next day by the obligatory paragraph correcting the fact-challenged News’s misreporting].
Anyway, back at the Tavern, down-downs were administered by Cockstar, clad in a little summer dress and fresh off a relaxing vacation in Fire Island. Cockstar was filling in for the two absent JMs. Her first order of business was to administer down-downs to Eric and Pussy Repellent for setting the trail. Another down-down went to Rob, who somehow went a full two miles off trail. Devo was called to account for showing up late and running with his bag. A gentleman named Mark was called up for a down-down because Cockstar thought he had a nice body. Numerous visitors and fresh meat (ahem, virgins) took the stage for their medicine. One young lady took so long to chug that we actually got to sing the word “masturbating”! Thank you for that whoever you are! AOTW went to Dave Hardy, a runner/hasher of considerable talent. Apparently, Mr. Hardy does not set pack marks for the rest of us plebeians because he does not think we are worthy of enjoying the fruits of his superior hashing ability. What else? Hash cash ended, some more hashers stayed to watch Sideshow Bob, dressed in his best Greg Luzinski jersey, try in vain to root his beloved Sox (the White ones) to victory against the Yankees (they fell just short). The Mets won again. Paul LoDuca apparently managed to keep it in his pants for the entire game. Everyone apparently arrived home safely (Ed Lunch was not in attendance) and hash number 1171 entered the history books.
On out.