June 21, 2006
Start: Mister Wright Liquors (3rd between 89th and 90th)
Hare: Joe B.
On-In: Cabin Fever (York between 76th and 77th St.)
Punk-Ass Bitch: Jenn
There were like 30,000 people all squished into the park, panting and desperately racing…oh wait that was my trail. After the JP Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge I called the hotline and proceeded to the on-in. Any information regarding the actual trail is unconfirmed and purely accidental.
Despite a start location named Mister Wright Liquors there was no pre-lube to be had (well unless you knew Mister Wright because then you found out there was a lot more than drinking going on in his back room). The trail weaved in and out of the park and at one point went down the east side past the thousands of racers in the corporate challenge.
Considering the lack of complaints from the circle the hare must not have done a horrible job. But I know what you’re wondering…What about the bag hag? How did the bag hag do? Well bag-mule Sideshow Bob would like us all to know that he maxes out at 37 bags. And hey, did you get a chance to look at his cat-statue pictures?
We asked visitor Cornhole Hussey from Long Beach for a song, as short as possible of course, since this is New York and we will throw beer on you if you sing too long (or at least cut you off). She pleased and impressed us all with a short diddy about beer in heaven. Anyone get those lyrics?
For misbehaviors at a boob check (Joe B. really likes his boob checks) Mike, Crazy American Dave, and Gillian were made to drink. The men were exploring their feminine side by immorally following a boobed hasher on a check while Gillian declared she “had balls” and was not going to check despite anxiously waiting male hashers.
YankIt was part of the walking wounded and we discovered that he tripped on a paper bag. Cockstar inquired whether there was a “Colt40” in the bag at the time. Just so we’re all clear Colt 45 is one of my favorite 40s and it does indeed work everytime. Mean Jean shared that she too was a little injured. Sideshow Bob asked how she had gotten the neck injury. She didn’t answer but it probably had to do with the mysterious bearded hasher from the week prior.
Lisa (Milano, not the other one) and I were called up for being racists and wearing our corporate shirts to the on-in.
Not having a bonafide Assh*le of the Week, the award went to Crazy American Dave for usually doing something crazy. He was so excited he almost forgot the acceptance speech he had written and clung to for the very occasion. No matter because we cut him off quicker than music at the academy awards.
The bar was spacious, the pizza loomed large and the beer flowed smoothly. Wet Connection played our favorites dance hits on the jukebox and a pleasant evening was had by all.