Date: June 1, 2005
Start: 96th and Broadway
Hares: Chad & Devo
On-in: the bar f/k/a Cannon’s
(or — better to chase boyz than Peter)
I promised myself after college that I would not r*n after boys. Thirteen years later and I’m still r*nning after them. God Damn it! Old habits die hard.
Well, I guess I’m not the only one with boy-chasing issues, because there were plenty of harriettes at the start ready to hunt the live hares – Chad and Devo – down and “pants” them: Erica, Pamela, Sarah, Kerry, Got Wood?, Karen, Wet Connection, Pearl Necklace, Kindergarten Kim, MasterCard and Charlotte – to name but a few.
Now if you know anything about Devo’s trails, you know they’re long, they suck and they end up in places you don’t want to be and where you have a hard time getting home – and I’m not talking about an “away game” which lands you at his apartment. Last year’s Devo Debacle took the pack over several bridges, through multiple thunder storms and ended up in the Bronx something like 8 miles later. The pack was totally lost and soaked. To boot — the hot line wasn’t set until 10PM. Seriously pissed off, when Lesley and Dave Hardy finally found the on-in about 2 hours after the start, they grabbed their bags and walked out. I don’t think they even paid hash cash. I think the Committee, including Peter, Dave Long and I got about 12 calls, asking where the on-in was. Yours truly was at home, still somewhat less-than-mobile and, when I found out that it would take me over an hour to get up to the on-in from the UWS, Yello Smello and I bagged, watched D’Ali G Show and got hammered. That left MasterCard to do the write-up. It went something like this (original typos):
Went East to the river and then over a pedestrian bridge. Some weren’t sure – about to rain – should they cross a bridge when for sure it should come back out the other side?
Thunder and lightning don’t deter hashers, so they went over and into the muddy trail on the other side where there was a Chicken and Eagle split. The Eagle went around the island (Randall’s, I think) and then back through the woods. Then a balancing act to get over to Randolph’s island and through a fence.
Back underneath the Triborough and a jaunt through the Bronx to end up at the Blue Ox at 139th and 3rd – a cute bar where there was even a hose to rinse whatever mud the rain didn’t wash off. Slow to Blow and Fireman Bob were the JMs for the night
Devo as the hare for a typical Devo trail complete with shiggy and bridges.
Slow to Blow for being the FRB who sprinted by the pack for an Olympic
victory (his first time to get in first.)
"Mr. Scotland" (Andrew) because he fell on his butt. (Although Slow to
Blow used this as an excuse to slap his butt…)
Dr. Steve for bringing us back into Queens (Borough #3) before we realized
we needed to turn around.
Somebody (?)for running ten miles that morning and also for breaking the 4
D for her strange arrow marking
Then the vistors and virgins:
Rumsen Mr. Jackson, Poontang from Orlando, Ellen (friend of Karen’s), Drea*****
Then a self nomination from the floor (what the hell there was more down
down beer)- Slow to Blow for hurdling somebody
Jim for leaving his girlfriend and a virgin alone in the woods to rn with
Ewa’s cell phone
****FYI – Jim’s girlfriend’s name is Karen. How she got “Drea”, we have no f*cking clue.
Needles to say, the pack was somewhat leery as to what Devo and his Devotee (Chad – of ChadandDale) had in store for us. The usual FRBs and FBs (Fat Bastards) gathered at the start: John Burke, Dave the Body Croft, DBB, Bahamonde, Gary, Jon, Peter, Booty Call, Joe, Scot, Rudy, Junior, Pussy Repellant, Jumpin’ Jack Gash, Snatch My Sack, Jesse, Nail Driver AND – surprise, surprise – Dave Hardy and Lesley. There was serious debate as to how much lead time to give the hares. JGG made the executive decision that it was to be 5 minutes and sent the hares off. There was, of course, much smak-talking by the hares about how there would be no short and curly sightings of “hairs” on trail. After 2 minutes, Pearl Necklace set out after the hares (looking for hairs?) and the rest of the pack followed Gary, FRB extraordinaire, who was chomping at the bit.
Trail went into the Park around 105th Street and up and down a lot of hills and shiggy. It was basically a 30-minute zig-zag cluster f&cK of a trail that never went below 102nd and finally exited the Park at 110th after going no where. Trail then headed north, v. north. There were stairs at Morning Side Park and more stairs. There were hills up to St. Nicholas Terrace and then, of course, another hill up to 130th or so. This is where I made the mistake of “chasing” Peter, who was tired of the hills and headed east towards St. Nicholas Avenue because it was down hill. Around North-Bumblef*ck, when neither the pack nor the trail came out of the park and with no end of the park in sight, we headed west into the park and up even more stairs and more hills back to St. Nicholas Terrace, where Peter (proud as a peacock) found true trail by sheer accident. Trail then headed – you got it — north and through CUNY City College and then west — down a mucho-steep decline to River Side Park.
Jack-ass me and a group of fellow-retards (including Pamela, the Saint and a new-ish hasher dude and dudette) followed Peter again. Peter thought he’d be cute and avoid going down into the abyss – a/k/a Riverside Park — but this turned out to be a disastrous mistake when Rudy blew past us and we lost sight of him. We tried to parallel the park trail up above on Riverside Drive and catch Rudy coming out of the park on the street heading east below, but all we were able to was look at our feet (not the street) because we were dodging dog sh*t.
I thought I was so smart. Had twenty bucks cash on me and two quarters. But, up there, there are no cabs or payphones. God-damn it! Look where chasing Peter and boyz was getting me. Nowhere. And – I had to pee. I was getting pissed! Thank God we discovered that the new’ish dudette (forgot her name, bless-her-heart) had a cell phone and called the hot line. Amazingly – now that we were an hour into the r*n — it was set. Peter, of course, refused to abandon “trail” and set off by himself to find it. Enough of chasin’ that sh*&! He’s all yours Lesley. Peter’s little followers abandoned him around St. John the Divine and headed straight down to the bar formerly known as Cannon’s.
All-in-all, not a bad trail for a Devo/ChandandDale-trail. And, Ed Lunch’s mentoring of Chad must be working because when the pizza arrived — somewhat timely – it was four monster-slices a pie. They were so huge, no one could figure out how to eat them. Eventually it was decided that one slice was the equivalent of two and the slices went.
1) the hares – for the first trail
2) the hares – for the second trail
3) the hares – for the poison ivy on trail
4) visitors and virgins – a few – Henry, Jenn, Dan and Ilene
5) MasterCard – arrived at the start late and started after the pack, which was at least 15 minutes ahead of her. In the north part of Central Park, in the shiggy, she caught up with what she thought was the pack. She followed them for a while and, when they apparently stopped, she discovered they were not looking for trail. Rather, they were the Harriers (a non-drinking running club) – not the Hash House Harriers.
6) two Smashmouth Awards: Karen and (oopsies – lost my notes)
7) Dave Matthews Look-Alike Award – to the guy who looked (duh) like Dave Matthews
8) Sluts-R-Us: Pamela, MasterCard, Mean Jean, Erica, Karen and myself for “servicing” service men during Fleet Week
9) AOW – to the hares.
I HATE chasing boys!