NYCH3 # 1090

                     Start:  Spring and Lafayette Sts.

                     Hares:  Dr. Steve and Ookie Cookie

                     On-in:  Superfine, Frontand Pearl Sts in Brooklyn

                     Date: January 30^th, 2005

                     Scribe:  Flaccido Domingo

        “Four Bridges and a Tunnel”

In attendance:  Dr. Steve, Ookie Cookie, Stacia, Booty Call, John, Michy Mouth & Doug, Mike Bahamonda, Pearl Necklace, Fast American Dave, Bruce, Joe, Wet Connection, Mastercard, Pussy Repellant, Meatballs, Jonathan, Phil, Geoff, Heather, Lizz, Ed lunch, Slip ‘n Slide, Pamela, another Joe?, Kim, Alice, Chris, Timmy, HUA, Chad, John, Stephanie, Seth, Mark, John Burke, Crazy Bob, Karen Z, Alysa, Amy.  Oh, and me.

………………………………

The Course:  [Much of this is entirely made up.  I was too lazy to r*n.]  Starting in SoHo the pack was off like a bolt of lightning.  Heading north and then west, Micky Mouth used her keen hashing instinct (and her knowledge of where the on-in was) to sense the hares’ devious misdirection.  That was the last time she was on trail as far we know.  The rest of the pack meanwhile found themselves tearing through the DKNY store.  Across Canal Street and through TriBeca, the pack got their workout going over three different pedestrian bridges.  South into the financial district and down into the PATH station at the WTC.  Finally back east towards the courthouses the hares found a checkmark at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge.

Now here you have to stop and imagine the scene.  The assembled FRB pack didn’t know the name of the trail.  Checking everywhere *but* the bridge turned up no sign of the trail.  Collectively the pack had one thought:  “No f*&king way the trail goes over the bridge.”  Further checks around the bridge – still no trail.  Finally the front pack bit the bullet.  Sure enough, way down the bridge they found the third mark.  Here’s the kicker – nobody set down a pack mark.  As the rest of the pack found the check they all had to suffer the same fate.  Total disbelief followed by tired resignation.  What could they do?  Their damned bags were in Brooklyn.  And so it went, even for the DFLs.

Finally down in DUMBO they found their much deserved golden nectar.  Yuengling and Brooklyn Lager to be exact.  And sandwiches.  And fries.  The food part somebody told me about.  There wasn’t much of it, and I kind of missed it.  It happens.  Didn’t miss the beer though.  Don’t seem to ever miss the beer.  But I go on.

The assembled pack had the treat of Stacia’s triumphantly gimpy return.  Always good to see her, and apparently she’s ahead of schedule with her rehab and vows to be hashing by summertime.  In the meantime she’ll have to make do with drinking without r*nning.  As she put it, its not fair that her three favorite things are r*nning, drinking and sex.  She can’t run, apparently she’s not getting, um, er, never mind.  So she’ll be overcompensating by drinking a lot.  Any single hashers who want to help her out know where to find her.  [By the way, if I’m absent from future hashes I hope some hasher will present this write-up as evidence at her trial.]

Before long Heather called the sweaty masses to order and the down-downs began:

–          The hares, Dr. Steve and Ookie Cookie.  For explanation please see discussion above re: check mark at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge.

–          Steve again for various sundry hotline-setting offences

–          Virgins and Vistors:  Stephanie, Mark, Amy, Phil and Kim (poor thing, nobody made her cum)

–          Booty Call and Karen Z for managing to get open containers citations from the NYPD during the Idiotarod.  Mastercard would have been up there too, but she got to the on-in late.  Surprise surprise.

–          Wet Connection for adamantly refusing to go to Brooklyn while standing at the check at the foot of the bridge.  True, everybody did this.  But she is the Brooklyn JM after all.

–          Steve because Heather is quite partial to the “random abuse of power” down down.  Remind me to never play asshole with her.

–          Slip ‘n Slide – those sure were nice new shoes before she had to drink out of them

–          And AOTW went to your faithful scribe, not only for turning 35 but also for telling Heather that I was in line for a down-down for getting older.  I’m pretty sure that Heather wanted to give me multiple down-downs but somebody mentioned to her that I like free beer.

And so it went.  The usual good times were had by all.  People made mention that Mean Jean was off in some sunny beach while we were in Brooklyn amidst the filth covered snow.  Those who had been to the Idiotarod on Saturday nursed their enlarged livers.  Not surprisingly there were many usually present hashers absent today.  They had last been seen at the Idiotarod.  Go figure.

Many thanks to Dr. Steve and Ookie Cookie for setting a fun trail and picking a good on-in.  Even if it was in Brooklyn.  On out.