NYCH3 # 1081

NYCH3 # 1081, Nov 28, 2004

Start:  Spring & Sixth Ave

Hares:  Cockstar, Jon, Head Up Ass

On-in:  Iggy’s Downtown, Ludlow Street

Scribe:  Mean Jean

Soap Opera Digest

The hash is generally considered by most to be one giant soap opera but if ever a set of hares or a trail warranted a soap opera themed write-up more than this one, I cannot recall.

The Bald & the Beautiful

Our hares were Cockstar, Jon and HUA so I’ll let you figure out who is the bald and who is the beautiful!

The warm late-Autumn day seemed ripe for operatic intrigue as I greeted newbies Sanna, her beau, and Irish Declan. We were quickly joined by the Saint and, gasp, Bill Janeway whose second appearance in as many weeks raised eyebrows (and boy does he have eyebrows!) among the few people who even knew who the hell he was.  Hares Cockstar and Jon arrive at the start without co-hare Head Up Ass. Was there some riff amid this not-so-love triangle? Did Jon beat up Head Up Ass to impress former squeeze Cockstar? Current squeezies Karen and Seth arrived from different directions; trouble in paradise? Shana and Maria making a rare appearance…but where was Daniel? Okay, I’m reading too much into this soap opera theme. I’ll stop now.

As the Trail Turns

The pack was sent north and west along a circuitous route that covered Van Dam, Varick, Houston, and Hudson before a tough check sent us east again. Another check in Washington Square Park was solved through the mews before heading to Broadway and over to Astor Place. The check at St Mark’s Church on Second Ave stumped the pack until arms were thrown up and east again it was. We hit Thompkins Square from St Mark’s Place and yet another check at its southeast corner.

General Re-hab Hospital

I’ll digress at this moment in the trail as we hit Tompkins park. Flashbacks to the prior week flood over me as I recall the train wreck that was me practically passed out on a bench whilst Jason stirred up not-so-magic elixir.  Is Mean Jean on a dangerous course to alcoholism and depravity? Or was her soft drink spiked simply with a roofie at her own birthday party? (Or is she just delusional?)

Guiding Chalk

Flummoxed for ages at this check, true trail eventually sent us north and east again to D, then south and west to a chicken/eagle split at Houston and B. Feeling more like de-feathered poultry than soaring, magnificent and patriotic, I clucked my way west along Houston and down Ludlow, pulling into Iggys. Putting the “tri” back into triangle, HUA was there, perched at the bar having finished setting the eagle trail solo. Not a fitting dramatic turn to our story, but there you go.

Trails of our Lives

The rest of the pack arrived stating unequivocally that the eagle was not “just another mile” and HUA, whose responsibility it had been to set that portion, sat there looking angelic as he maintained he followed Cockstar’s plastic map instructions to a tee. Upon further inquiry and examination, his left eye set to twinkling like the cat with the canary and my chickenish decision seemed to have been just the choice.

One Life to Hash

Before Down Downs were dispensed by Got Wood? and Too Long, I did a little breaking and entering to help with visual aids for the Cockstar’s  down down. Her anal tendencies legendary (hey now! I’m talking about her PG-13 cleanfreakishness, not X-rated orifice issues), she had provided each of her co-hares on this rainy day with zip-lock baggied maps and had brought along a half-cup measuring cup from her bakery supplies to douse out the flour. So I naturally was nearly busted by Cockstar with my arm elbow deep into her backpack searching for these items. Nothing to see here folks…move along.

All My Hashers

The Bald & the Beautiful came up for the haring down down and Cockstar remained for another for previously mentioned anal offensives. (I figure a write-up’s worth only increases with each use of the word, anal).  Next we had visitor, Mr Cheesecake from Chi-town. There must have been a sale at Paragon cause there was an inordinate amount of idiots in new shoes: The Saint, Loretta and Eric all drank from the sweaty vessels. Saint having another go for wearinghis hat in the circle. Dave Long had Stormin Norman fill in for his own trail offense of running the trail backwards. Flaccido Domingo  did the deed for misspelling Tompkins Square Park in the previous week’s write-up. (jeez, I hope they ain’t looking too closely at this!)  Andrew Ross was called up for setting his face on fire at the previous Friday’s GGFM and finally AOTW to Yello Smello for forgiving her boyfriend even though he missed the train to Philly for her marathon cause he stayed out all night drinking! Silly girl!

The Hash & the Youngless

And no, I’m not talking about my youngness (I know where that’s gone) Where have all the young men gone?  Used to be loads… all pretty and in need of practical instruction and training.  Where have they gone? Cockstar?