START: 42th Street & 8th Avenue
HARES: Wet Connection
On In: The 19th Hole
Top 10 things that sound “dirty” in golf, but aren’t:
1. Check out the size of his putter!
2. Nuts! My shaft is bent.
3. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
4. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip.
5. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves
a lot to be desired.
6. Damn, I missed the hole again!
7. Mind if I join your threesome?
8. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
9. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit
10. Hold up . . . I need to wash my balls first.
A decent-sized pack gathered at the start on 42nd and
Wet Connection (the Big Wet ‘C’) arrived for a quickie chalk talk and the pack was sent off south on
Patrick (not Booty Call, but perhaps with the same drinking habits) our usual bartender there, was serving just about anything we wanted on tap. Booty Call and Lisa would make a later appearance. The bar stank of sweat and smoke, the same culprits hogged the bathroom to change and the usual suspects manned the juke box.
Our fearless JMs, Dave Long and Got Wood?, managed to jot down a list of down-downs, but only after Got Wood? diagrammed the reorganization of Mean Jean’s closet on the back pages of the last two weeks’ write-ups. The Big Wet C was called up for nothing other than being the hare. Three virgins, who shall remain nameless because I didn’t catch their names, were up next. Unsuspecting Dough Boy and Legs Lesley were forced into the Circle to consume a couple of beers as punishment for their flagrant talking during the Circle.
Bra-bearing-girl (it was blue satin with green satin trim – not even a jog bra!) was called up for shamelessly changing her shirt in the front window of the bar and acting as a magnet for Peter’s eye balls. Jolly Dolly, a visitor from
Red haired Karen got to drink from her brand-spankin’ new shoes. Common’ Karen, you can’t be that desperate for a beer! Patrick (the bartender) refused to drink beer when summoned into the Circle, but instead poured himself a stiff vodka/cranberry before we were able to serenade him with our traditional Good Night Ladies song and thank him for his years of faithful service.
AOW went to Pussy Repellant for failing to distinguish between a dog’s bark (woof-woof) and the on-on call. [Anyone think these two down-downs should have been reversed?]
Hash cash lasted for a while and I think Sideshow, Christina and I only spent $5 bucks of our own money before we high-cabbed it home around . I will miss my 19th Hole. [ Was that “golf speak” or just plain old dirty?]