HARES: Geoff & Alice
Start: Lexington Avenue and 68th Street
On In: The Raccoon Lodge
Geoff’s 96th Birthday
Ooooooopsies! Did I say 96th????? I meant 69th. Dyslexia I’m afraid. Yes, yes. The New York City Hash House Harriers celebrated Geoff Steamer Baldwin’s birthday for the ___ time (fill in individually). Does anyone know where the “Steamer” part comes from? I’m afraid to ask.
After a brief pre-lube, Yello Smello, her friend Denver Dave, HUA, Jon, Jonathan and I headed to the start. A reasonably large-sized pack had gathered: Rick, Patrick, Bahmonde, Heather, Dave (the Body) Croft, Sujan, Stacey, Cree, Weyth, Am. Dave #6, Magoo, Dave Too Long, Numb Nuts and newly-married Rich. Even our hares Geoff and Alice were there! Note that the early arrival of a hare generally assures a well-planned trail.
As Geoff ceremoniously explained the marks, Alice and I were left to man the bags and the birthday cake. The pack then set off in a timely matter towards the Park and we began the weekly chore of trying to find a cab that would take us with all of the bags. Even though Alice is of small stature, I realized that all three of us would not fit into one taxi and I volunteered to tote the cake to the on-in.
Late arrivals were aplenty as Marie W., Anodonov and Andrew R. showed up at the start. I had been told by Michel to look out for a friend of his who would be arriving. As the late-comers stripped off their work clothes (someone please ask Andrew R. about his Velcro-lined pants), I spotted a virgin on a cell phone. He nodded affirmatively when I asked him if he was looking for the hash, but never got off his phone. When he finally did, it was too late to explain the marks. I told Andrew R. he was in charge and told the Virgin (the spelling of his name which I am going to bastardize) Shupac to follow Andrew, take his cell and, if all else failed, call 1212HASHNYC.
The usual FRBs showed up at the Racoon Lodge around 35 minutes after the start. There was an ice-water incident outside between Jon and Magoo. But other than that, things seemed to have gone relatively smoothly. As we moseyed into the bar, some civilians/back packers began to arrive: Ookie Cookie, Wet Connection, Doug and MasterCard. Some were sweatier than others.
Down-Downs went something like this:
1.) The hares Geoff and Alice.
2.) Geoff (again) for his birthday.
3.) Marie Wickham for winning (“???”) the Palos Verdes Marathon.
4.) Visitor (Stickey Pages) and Virgins (Denver Dave and Shupack).
5.) Mary “the Greek” and Karen: old timers who showed up again after a long hiatus from hashing.
6.) Ookie Cookie, MasterCard, Doug and Wet Connection for showing up late and having to run with a bag. MC bailed on running all together, having decided that kayaking was more fashionable.
7.) Doug (twice): once for his new shoes and the second time for not waiting until the singing had ended before drinking out of his shoe.
8.) The Redneck Awards. The first award went to Rick for unabashedly yakking up a bug he swallowed on trail. The second one was awarded to Wyeth for sliding in between two cars. We city folk know better than to attempt that feat.
9.) Child Molester of the Week went to Wyeth for wearing a boy scout T-shirt.
10.) The man with the most names on the Hash — Ralph (a/k/a Fast Am. Dave #6/Tripod) – was up next for trying on a pair of glasses only to discover that doing so allowed him to see! We now know why he hasn’t seen a trail mark in five years.
11.) Ralph (again). He brought old sandwiches in his bag and tried to distribute them among the normally ravenous hashers. Suspicious of the refrigeration in Dave’s bag, however, almost every hasher refused them. Those that consumed them shall remain nameless. Nevertheless, we are confident that had Ed Lunch been there, he would have consumed them all.
12.) AOW went to Andonov for no apparent reason other then he seems to get AOW every time he shows up. Dave Too Long received honorable mention.
No offense to our JMs or their down-downs, but the scandalous behavior began after the circle ended. There was beer. And lot of it! Shots of Jagermeister were distributed not once, but twice! NOTE TO SELF: shots after 10:30PM on a school night are NOT a good idea. I repeat: shots after 10:30PM on a school night are NOT a good idea. At this point things got a bit hazy.
Jon and Yello Smello did the Butt Rump. For those of you who do not know the Butt Rump, it’s the the Funky Chicken meets “Doin’ D’a Butt.” MasterCard was doing . . . well . . what MasterCard always does with Stickey Fingers. Yello Smello became Stinky Pinky at the end of the night because her tank top matched her pink sweatshirt. Hey Kyle! You missed the strippers!!!!!! And, according to an anonymous source, a certain Long Man was seen leaving with . . . . you WISH!