The Truth

Official Organ of the G2FMH3

G2FMH3 Hash #149 – Friday, February 6, 2004

Hares: Bill now known as Wet Willy and Screamin’ O

Start: The Arch in Washington Square Park

On-In: The 19^th Hole

Punk Ass Bitch (Scribe): Cock Star

Wet Willie’s Water World

 

Opening Theme

 

Sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful hash,

That started on a Friday night, when everyone got trashed.

When everyone got trashed.

The hares were two seasoned harriers, the pack was set for fun,

They set out south in the pouring rain, for a well-marked short r*n.

A well marked short r*n.

 

The weather sucked, the marks were gone, the entire pack was cross,

If not for the hot line and a dry cell phone, the group would have been lost.

The group would have been lost.

 

In they slogged to the 19^th Hole, soaked and donning frowns

With Andrea,

Ewa, Rich and Cree,

Scott, Doug, Diane and Bahamonde.

HUA and Scott,

Magoo, Geoff and Jon, how they carried on

at the G2FMH3!

 

 

C*ck Star’s Log:

 

As we settled in to what would certainly be a stormy night, the skeleton crew nestled up to the warmth of the bar.  Fluffy was first to begin fueling with a couple of pints, followed by C*ck Star, who has recently taken to rocket fuel (a/k/a L.I iced teas).  After about ten minutes navigators Bill and Screaming O arrived, looking much worse for wear.  Their rain gear was soaked and their hands caked with flour.  Sensing disaster at hand, Screaming O tried to explain that when they started setting the trail: “It didn’t look like it would be raining — just misting —  maybe.”

 

Deck hands Cree and HUA arrived next and proceeded to cider up at the bar.   Next in was a rather burly Aussie and current Auckland resident Emphazema, who at least had the sense to fuel up with a proper sailor’s libation – Guinness.

 

Alas, Screaming O’s words of warning would be lost on the rest of the mercenaries, who gathered under the arch at Washington Square Park at 19:30.  Notables included Jesse, Rich and buddy Sujan, Magoo, Geoff, Doug, Mean Jean, Scott, Krista, Brooke, Jon, Roy, Ewa and Fast American Dave #6.

 

Bill was nowhere to be found.  As it turns out, he had been ordered to scout out a taxi in the torrential downpour.  He located one on 6^th Avenue and Washington Place. When he asked the cab driver to wait at Washington Square Park, however, his request was refused and Bill and said taxi proceeded to head south down towards Houston, only to circle back and pick up the bags.  To Bill’s credit – he tipped the man handsomely for an $8 ride.

 

Screaming O was thus left to defend their trail.  She explained that the trail had been set in flour and that the pack should be looking for marks under things (???????).  Ummmm .  .  .  perhaps that’s why no one could find the stinkin’ trail!  With the rain pouring and the winds gusting, the motley crew headed south through the park.  Note: C*ck Star’s log gets a little murky here because she had the sense assist with the bags and cab it to the on-in.

 

OK, so a little sea gull told me that the trail went south through the park and then, pretty much, nowhere.  After only a block, the pack lost the trail and Cree headed in the (obviously) wrong direction.  Desperate, most of the pack started to follow Cree.  After only a couple of blocks, however, the pack realized who they were following and promptly abandoned Cree in search of the true trail.

 

Faint traces of flour or racin were located by the NYU dorms near Mercer.  The trail went further south towards Houston only to end (again) at a circle jerk around a group of buildings.  These two brilliant hares had the foresight to include three circle jerks on the “trail”, which was set in the dark and in the rain.  At the first circle jerk, Mean Jean and HUA abandoned ship, called the hot line with Jean’s cell phone and proceeded to the on-in.  They were the first ones in.  There’s team work for ya!

 

I’ve been told the trail then proceeded south again towards SoHo.  Someone found a pack mark heading east and, after a couple of blocks, another check at Lafayette.  The sinking ship continued to drift east onto the Bowery.  Another check sent the remaining “Pack of Seven” (Roy, Rick, Scott, Jon, Geoff, Doug and Fast American Dave #6) towards Sty Town.  For whatever reason, a six pack decided that Sty Town was not an option, aborted the mission and headed to the on-in, who’s location has been whispered amongst them via a game of telephone.   Roy was thus left to brave the high seas and showed up right before our two wayward sailors: Alice and Emphazema.  Both had walked from the start to the on-in.  Alice, at least, had the sense to inquire about its coordinates.  Emphazema did not and walked in DFL.

 

Called up to the plank first were our navigators Screaming O and Bill.  Kudos to both of them, for neither tried to sell the other down the river for their washed-out trail.  Next up to the plank were G2FMH virgins Brooke and Krista and visitor Emphazema.  Brooke and Krista remained for a second swig at the plastic cups because they visited a friend at another bar/lounge en route to the on-in.  Apparently they were not permitted to stay long given a distinct sweaty and salty odor.

 

Carla was serenaded with the sailor’s golden oldie “Happy Birthday, f*ck you!” Then came the naming of Bill.  Ahhhh, poor lad.  Bill was christened (no champagne mind you) with “Wet Willie” because all of the trails he has set in the last year or so since he started hashing have been in the piss-pouring rain.

 

The Crofty Award was bestowed upon our new mate Young Jon for falling on his a** from a standing start.  Roy was called up to the plank and permitted to award a random down-down to Cree who, Roy claims, pretended to have r*n the entire trail.

 

A mutiny began as a ship’s jury was appointed to judge the treason of the hares and their respective offenses.  The jury consisted of the Pack of Seven.  Beer was doled out to the hares for violating the three cardinal rules of hashing:

 

CR #1:             There can never be too many marks; 

CR #2:             Checks can never be too easy; and

CR #3:             A trail can never be too short.

 

Finally, HUA nominated Cree for a down-down because he had elected to take Carla to the hash for her birthday.  Rumor has it he whisked her off to the Waldorf hotel afterwards for a fancy shower.  HUA then graciously offered to procure some class for Carla on her next birthday.

 

 

Closing Theme

 

This is the tale of these drunken sots, they partied for a long, long time,

With down-downs, darts and dancing too, it was just sublime.

The pack grew thin, the time was late, they were done with partying.

It’s true I hear that Crazy Bob and Kim were the only ones standing.

 

No flour! No marks! Just circle jerks, and pissed-off harriers, 

Like no other hash in NYC, we’re a motley group of curs.

So join us here each month my friend, you’re sure to get sloppy

With thirty drunken harriers, here at the G2FMH3!