NYCH3 # 1036 – Superbowl R*n

NYCH3# 1,036, February 1, 2004

Hares: Trish, Ed Lunch, Crusty

Start: Hoffman Stadium

On-In: Hoffman Stadium

Scribe: Mean Jean

The SuperHash Halftime Show is brought to you by Trish Hoffman and Genny Light.

Genny Light: Make your down downs suck even more…make it a Genny Light.


Bob: It’s halftime here at the SuperHash and on top of some really high class entertainment planned, we’re also going to recap the highlights and look ahead to the second half where we expect some serious drinking, singing and fondling to take place at the On In. We’re real glad you joined us today. Let’s throw it over to Boomer.


Boomer: Well, Bob, it’s a beautiful day for any hash but especially good for this year’s SuperHash. That was quite a trail the pack ran during the first half.


Bob: That’s right, Boomer. A little on the long side though but you know you’re going see that kind of game plan when Crusty is the Hare.


Boomer: True enough, Bob. And we should mention that Crusty is standing in for longtime SuperHash hare Ed Lunch, injured in that unfortunate dive for the last French fry at Pauline’s last week. Haven’t see players shaken up like that since LT broke Joe Theisman’s leg on Monday Night Football. Anyway, let’s go to the video tape for the highlights. Okay here we see the pack gathered outside Trish Hoffman Stadium. It’s quite a line up today for this A to A run. The regulars like Sarah Downunder, Cockstar, Jon, Magoo, Peter, Lesley, Manslave and Barbara are joined on trail today by some recent MIAs: Bottom, Sideshow Bob, Rich, Tripod, and Rick. The first thing that we must take into account is that Head Up Ass appears to be running with an injury.


Bob: That’s right, Boomer. HUA is back for his first running hash in a couple of weeks and what a trail to come back to. Did you think that eye patch was going to hinder his play today?


Boomer: Well, Bob, you never know but of course he turned in a remarkable performance leading the FRBs on trail and being among the first back to the On In.


Bob: That’s right. Well here we see Crusty giving last minute instructions to the players; wait, is that a cognac he’s holding? Oh, he’s gonna pay for that later. He sends the pack east towards East End Avenue  and there’s a quick turn south then back west.


Boomer: Yes indeed, Crusty pulled the classic zig zag trail for the first mile ending in a check just west of a foot bridge heading over the FDR. That check brought most of the pack across the foot bridge but was eventually solved heading west and south by one of the DFLs.


Bob: Oh yes, those DFLs come through for you when the game is on the line.


Boomer: Not a lot happened until Second Avenue. Let’s set this up: Taking a look in slow motion, we can see Mickey Mouth waving the pack West toward Central Park. But why is she just standing there?


Bob: I think a lot of people were wondering the same thing. Now you can see Mean Jean approaching and–RIGHT THERE–you can see Mickey whispering “want to go back to the on in?” and Mean Jean shaking her head “no”.


Boomer: The crowd certainly wasn’t expecting that reply, now were they Bob?


Bob: No Boomer, they weren’t. But MJ chugs onward toward the park with Barbara, Lesley, Got Wood?, and Joe the Body Croft in tow. It was a pretty straight shot into Central Park where melting snow wrecked havoc with the marks but here’s the Body leading the girls forward beyond the East Drive. We can see Mean Jean peeling off behind the Museum. It looks like she’s had enough.


Boomer: Yes indeed. Well, the conditions in the park are not ideal and let’s face it: there’s beer back at the On In. I think it was the right call.


Bob: Speaking of the On In, I think it may be time for our halftime show.


Boomer: We’re in for some fine entertainment today. First up is the circle, then what we’re all waiting for: Head Up Ass joined by Baboon Ass in a rendition of “If were a game, what game would I be”.


But let’s take a look at the Circle now:


*      Hares Trish, Crusty and Ed Lynch and Ed Lynch’s son, Lynch Lite, or “Snack”

*      Crusty and Ewa for drinking uptight, expensive spirits at the start

*      Virgins: Leslie and “Snack”

*      New shoes: Ookie Cookie, Crusty and Mad & Horny (lucky for them they got to drink out of cups to save the Astroturf at Hoffman Stadium)

*      Magoo Award to, who else?, Magoo for standing atop a mark whilst complaining that there was no mark

*      Fashion Offenses: Rick for his early 80s Bon Jovi t-shirt and Magoo for his “I’m always prepared” knee-padded running tights

*      The “I can *uck him but I can’t spell his name” down down to Cockstar

*      The Running With Bag on an A to A down down to Kyle (flag on that play; turns out he was joking around and had actually run from home)

*      Ookie Cookie for annoying JMs during their circle prep powwow

*      AOTW: To Ed Lunch for arriving late so that enough of the pack would be there to help him carry in all the beer and other gear up the stairs.


Okay it looks like we’re ready for the Big Show:


HUA:   “Pin the Tail on the Baboon Ass”

BA:      “Squeeeeeal”

HUA:   Slots

BA:      “Squeeeeeal”

HUA:   Twister

BA:      “Squeeeeeal”

HUA:   Spin the Ewa

BA:      “Squeeeeeal”

Always (Game)

BA:      “Squeeeeeal”

HUA:   Ker Plunk

BA:      “Squeeeeeal”

HUA:   The Winner: Missile Command

BA:      “Squeeeeeal”


HUA:   I’ll have you naked by the end of the Circle


Boomer: What the hell… he’s grabbing around her ass. He seems to be ripping something, omigod. He’s pulled off the left side of her pants. We can see her left ass cheek. Thank God for that quarter-moon appliqué covering the crack.


BA: Oooooooh Yeah!


Boomer: Oh the humanity!


Bob: You know what this means? We’re never going be able to show an ass cheek on television again. That’s just not right. How do we go into the second half from here, Boomer?


Boomer:  Fuck the second half, man. I’m On Out.

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