NYCH3 # 1087 – Mickey Mouth’s Birthday Riddle R*n

NYCH3 #1087, January 9, 2005

Start: Public Library 5th Ave & 41st St

HARES: Mickey Mouth and the Mouthketeers

On In: Panchito’s

Scribe: Cockstar

MICKEY MOUTH and the MOUTHKETEER’s Annual Birthday Riddle R*n

            The crowd gathered between Patience and Fortitude, the library loins, a/k/a the Public Library on Fifth Avenue and 41^st Street.  And what a crown it was!  Special guest appearances from Patt Cuff and Roy and regulars Rick, Booty Call, Got Wood, Pussy Repellent, Drew, Alice and Geoff, Flaccido Domingo, HUA, Seth, Karen, Lunch, Bahamonde, Joe and Stewa gathered at the start.  Before Mickey Mouth explained the rules of the riddle r*n, she counted 45 or so hashers.  As the usual late suspects sauntered up to the start – Master Card, Fairy Queen, Peter, Lesley, Wet Connection, John Burke, Patrick and Numb Nuts amongst others – the crowd quickly grew to over 60!

It was the tail of two trails: one a riddle r*n – billed at 4 miles — and the other a regular r*n set by Dave Too Long.  Mickey surmised at the start that he was still setting trail at 3:15PM.  He was.  With the regular r*nners heading north on Fifth Avenue, the first clue read: “We TAYLORed this r*n, so you could see the LORD.”  HUA whispered in my ear: “Where’s Lord & Taylor?”  So the riddle pack, having been advised to stay in groups, headed south on Fifth to L&T – just two blocks away.  Booty Call and Jon, who arrived a few minutes late, took off south without having read the clue and – by some stupid chance – literally r*n into the second clue.

“Where the men in red dresses, on in’ed in great successes.”  Now even I could have gotten  this one — had I r*n.  CODA – duh!  CODA, as I remember, was on 34^th  Street somewhere east of 5^th Avenue.  Unfortunately Lizz had had too many beers at the RDR on-in to remember where it was and had to rely on the masses’ collective memory.  Query:  OK not to remember the location of the bars attended after the RDR on-in, but how loaded was she when she GOT there?  The next clue read: “If you’re Mouth’s AGE, you might have seen REM play there.”  Now the pack knew Mouth was 33 and that bands as popular as REM play in large venues.  So off to Madison Square Garden at 33^rd they went.

Upon arrival at MSG they discovered the stumper:  “Open all night and all day.”  FRBs Fast Am Dave #6, Drew, Rich and other assorted speedies were perplexed.  So perplexed were they, they had to wait until Wet Connection lumbered up to the check almost DFL and said “24^th and Seventh Avenue.”  Fast maybe, but not so bright!  “I knew that!”, Pam was overheard saying for the fourth – and not last – time.  At 24^th Street the next clue read: “Don’t go BEYOND where you bathe and sleep.”  Bed Bath and Beyond was the next destination, where Mean Jean gave out the first of two live clues: “If this was your FIRST HASH, you would buy records here.”  “Best Buy!” Drew shouted and took off in the wrong direction, while the rest of the pack headed towards Virgin Records on 14^th and Broadway.  From there it was to the Stonewall Tavern based on the clue: “You’ll have a gay old time at this riotous place.”  I would have trotted over to Marie’s Crisis.

At the Stonewall, the pack was directed to the following destination: “John Claude found Goldie Hawn’s daughter here.”  At the corner of Van Dam and Hudson Streets, the next clue read: “Bridge over troubled tunnel traffic.”  Hmmmm, no clue from your scribe but, as I said, I wasn’t r*nning so who cares.  By this time, I was probably reading the nifty clue booklet Mickey had assembled, having a few chips and a beer while the pack racked their brains.  Turns out it was the traffic bridge at Canal and 7^th Avenue.  From there it was over to Prince and Elizabeth Streets, based on the clue: “If the Queen of England had a son, where would you find him?”  That was a long-ass haul which, considering the trail ended in the West Village, was highly unnecessary and cruel.  From there it was: “Where “Hash” cash is more than $15.”  Now if you grew up in New York City like Mouth and I did, Washington Square Park used to be an easy place to score a dime bag.  Ahhhh . . . . inflation. 

“The beer is near, do not fear!  But one more verse then you’ll solve your thirst.  There’s a street that can’t be beat.  It’s a crooked way but it won’t lead you astray.”  I would have gone thirsty I’m afraid, because Minetta Lane and Panchito’s – Doug’s family’s restaurant – would not have jumped out at me.  But the masses figured it out and in they poured around 4:25.  Total r*nning time for the FRBS – 1 hour 10 minutes.   Ouch!

            Panchitos was cool.  We had the entire back of the restaurant to ourselves with tables arranged with chips and salsa for starters, low-hanging lamps (v. dangerous), plenty of cups and pitchers of water and pints for beer.  For those who insist upon football, there was a nifty couch area in the middle of the restaurant.  The regular customers were relegated to the front of the restaurant.  They had one beer on tap, Sierra Nevada, one tap and bottled Corona’s for the whimps.  Good thing Doug gave them the heads up the night before to make sure they had enough beer in stock.  NOT!  We drank them out of restaurant and home  . . . but I’m getting ahead of myself.

            The greatest complaint was that the riddle trail was too long.  Some say 5, some said close to 7.  Who you believe is up to you.  Trail offenses were flying and the crowd circled up for their mas Coronas:

1.                  The Hares:  Mickey Mouth, Mean Jean, Doug and Dave Too Long.

2.                  Mickey – because it was her birthday.

3.                  Virgin Matt.

4.                  Drew, who ran off to Best Buy instead of Virgin Records.  Patt Cuff got a down-down as well, because when she was told the story her comment was “I would have gone to Tower.”

5.                  Pam, who after each clue was solved, said: “I knew THAT!”

6.                  Lizz, for being too drunk at the RDR to remember where the on-in was.

7.                  Wet Connection for solving the 24/7 clue.

8.                  John Burke, who arrived DFL at 5:19PM.  He ran Dave’s trail, not the riddle one.

9.                  New shoe offenders:  Booty Call, Jumpin’ Jack’s Gash and Dave Long.

10.              AOW went to Peter who misheard Jean’s comment, “Man, you know the lights are low in hear when Marie Wickham is getting hit!”, and said something very mean.  He drank twice because the comment almost outdid his Marathon’s AOW award when he called out to a r*nner after an Achilles r*nner passed:  “You can beat that cripple!”

We were treated to quesadillas and chicken wings.  Did I mention that the beer ran out?  Doug and Mouth, veteran hashers and drinkers, were quick to dole out bottles of beer to quell the masses until we drank ourselves out of supplemented hash cash.  When hash cash ran out, we all ambled up to the “bar” and started ordering beers at ½ price.  Nice idea, but we were driving the poor waitress bonkers with our separate checks at $2.44 each.  The die-hard football fans lounged on the couches until the game was over and – when we’d totally depleted to restaurant’s supply of beer – the die hard drinkers stumbled over to Off the Wagon for a night cap.

On-out.