June 20, 2007
HARES: Dave Too Long
Start: Columbus Circle
On In: Finnerty’s (A-to-A)
OK, I know I ran a trail in New York that day. Pretty sure it was Dave Too Long's trail, but honestly I became so confused after r*nning in circles for an hour and a half that I'm not totally sure.The ground was dirty concrete – sure giveaway that we're in the big city. Then there was that crazy woman yelling that we should be r*nning in the park and not on the street. But Jean, the trail doesn't go to the park! Ah – I'm a little woozy but the trail's coming back to me now. I'll see what I can remember…
Pretty sure it was all in Manhattan, as we didn't cross any bridges -other than the short one that connects me, the steel-headed model of sobriety, to the loose pile of loose arms and legs in the corner, swathed in wet, ugly-ass out of town haberdashery that smells like cats.
There was a big pack, as usual for the summer. "Don't they know this is one of Too Long's trails," YankIT!, who'd arrived in street clothes with no intention to hash further than the end of the bar, growled. "It's his name! Too long – Dave Too Long – don't you understand?" Of course, I had just finished the damn trail and understood too well.
As the circle started and the hare hopped to the center, the entire pack went silent which was just too tired after hashing nearly 8 humid miles. Our RA realized the emergency and made some patently false stuff up to keep it going. My notes say that Dave Too Long almost got renamed, as New York is fast becoming known as a Naming Hash. Now that I have had a sec to catch my breath: the trail sucked!
Hump Dick and Wet and Dirty from Hogtown Hash in Toronto brought their gentle naïveté and funny accents to our fair hash. It's always good to see friends from the 51st state.
There were of course virgins, whom we'll never see again, 4 hot chicks and some others. And Rebecca made all of them cum.
This being an FMIG circle, either Katie, Alice and/or Red-headed Steve were eligible for severe, multiple down-downs. The ones I remember were Katie having to drink hers out of her new shoes and, it says here, her sock. She received another one for wearing a bandanna in the circle. Do we need to print the rules on a card for you people or what?
Yours truly was fed his for being sick and blowing scary yellow snot all over trail. I think yellow is the bad color, at least that day it was.
Jean Jean the Down Down Machine got hers for having a number 1 book on the charts. "The Wit and Wisdom of the New York City Hash" would have been in the r*nning, but was disqualified for having just the single spaced letter 'n' repeated over 1,024 pages. Doesn't quantity count for something anymore? Finally, our new Dave – Bald Tall Dave – rightfully earned his AOTW for general behavioral issues and, by the time the plunger was tipped, wore most of it. Then it all become a blur, and all I can remember is my sinuses filling up with that acrid smell of wet fur again.