BH3 #486

Brooklyn H3 #486

Monday November 9, 2009

Start: Fulton and Greene Streets

On-In: CYN, Bedford and N. 5th

Hares: Screaming O and Captain White Swallows


Interestingly enough, the hash started off with a conversation about Jesus, as prompted by Canine Fixation’s Jesu t-shirt (apparently they’re a band, but really they’re just one letter off from our Lord and Savior). After a few rousing songs about why He couldn’t come hashing, and Screaming O’s thorough chalk talk to the one foolish virgin, we left Jesus behind and took off in hot pursuit of our live hare, Captain White Swallows. Fortunately for the Captain, notorious FRB Fast American Dave was 30 minutes late.


The pack may have thought they left religion behind them, but several of us nearly collided with one particular brand of it as we wound our way through East Williamsburg. Normally the Haceeds pay little attention to our measly group, but on this night there were several occasions of heckling, God’s honest truth! Startled, the pack r*n on – and in the case of Death Breast and Porno Putz, they raced on. [I see in our lovely JM’s notes I was supposed to get a down down for tattling on them, but from that offense, I was spared (more on that later).] Just like to remind you all that racism is never okay folks, although Anti-Semitism is a different story with this hash apparently…


The pack made it to the on-in 5 miles or so later, with little stopping since some fast bastard solved all the checks before the majority of us could get there. Eventually we circled up to decry the trail sins, for which we must ask you, brother and sister hashers, to pray for us:

  • For the mortal sin of haring, Screaming O and Captain White Swallows
  • To the virgin Tom for losing his hash purity, for which FMIG was unnecessarily harsh (although we all know the story would have been different had the virgin been female…)
  • In the defense of what is righteous, to Headlights for the grievous error of calling a twice hasher a visitor, and to Technically Foul for her turning her back (literally) on said “visitor” mid-conversation
  • For a sin of the flesh for the third BK Hash in a row, Death Breast (adeptly named for the attention they seem to attract)
  • In penance for their sin of omission, old timers Eager 4 Beaver, Hedgehog and Fast American Dave – how long have you been hashing and you didn’t think to mark the trail?
  • To me for being “really fucking dumb” two hashes in a row – a misunderstanding with a chicken/eagle split in Manhattan, followed by forgetting my left from right in Brooklyn
  • Charles for showing us the light – there are street lamps in Brooklyn you know, so I think a flashing headlamp is a bit unnecessary
  • …although, that light may have helped guide Red Headed Steve, as he took up the rear in his rare appearance to the Brooklyn hash, followed by DFL Ding, who blamed it on some mean-spirited Hasidic folk
  • To the heckling Haceeds, who were represented by – shockingly – a few hash Hebrews… which then launched us into “when one drinks, they all drink” and more than a few inappropriate jokes
  • And on a more serious note, we down downed in the memory of a former hasher, Mike Sloan – one of the few hashers DBB actually has nice things to say about
  • Dental Damned was also given the opportunity to award not one but two random abuses of power. Please note that the bartender continued to fill up the down down cups, which helps to explain why there were so damn many of them (but unfortunately so few songs).

FINALLY the circle broke. The Jews begrudgingly handed over their hash cash, while the Catholics drank their beer and felt guilty about it afterward (with the exception of the Irish Catholics, who guzzled it of course). But by the end of the night we were all Protestants, especially when the hash cash ran out.


On out,

Sandy Syphilis