BH3 #469

BH3 #469 — Tour de Brooklyn, Leg 3

Hares: FMIG and Headlights

Start: 86th street and 4th avenue, Bay Ridge

On In: Joe’s Bar on Avenue U, Gravesend

Scribe: Jess  

One might whine about Brooklyn hashes that end in Queens, but one might be rendered speechless when the Brooklyn hashes end up so far out in Brooklyn that you kind of wish you were in Queens (not that any hasher I know could be speechless.) But, friends, this is the Tour de Brooklyn. We are in it for the t-shirts and exploring the nether-regions of the borough we so love while we have the daylight to do it.

The weather was perfect for a summer evening. We started the trail in Bay Ridge with a sprightly group, many hoping for an evening that could even begin to top the debauchery of the previous week, but knowing that would be a difficult feat to accomplish.   FMIG prepared us by saying it was a poorly marked and poorly conceived trail that was “very scenic.” He proved himself right as we were led under the Verrazano bridge along the water, up and over steep steps to r*n through private properties throughout Dyker Heights and Bensonhurst (definitely some of the safest backyards to cut through–thanks Steve), and through areas of Brooklyn so aromatic a hasher exclaimed to me “this is the smelliest hash I’ve ever been on.”

After a number of checks, falses that took us over steep inclines back to the water and into locked fences, and a trail that led us to pass a house with a large wooden stork cutout proclaiming a recent birth, we arrived at Joe’s Bar in a neighborhood I called Hell…and was close. Most of us got there about the same time. Most of us.

 Down downs:

  • Hares–FMIG for setting another long, long Brooklyn trail while Headlights has been wandering around in a Vicodin-induced haze for several weeks.
  • Virgins–3 virgins were called up…Trader Blows made Mike cum, Chris’ friend who she made cum, and the poor virgin who had no one make her cum (as far as I know)
  • Carrie–She might have skipped last week because of her birthday, but she got the Happy Birthday down down anyway.
  • Jason–He accused a female, but we really know it was he who pissed between subway cars
  • Jeremy–The notorious ladies man had some troubles on the trail with an 8 year old…who he wished was an 80 year old “because at least she’d be legal.”
  • Virgin Mike–On his very first hash, this one had the fabulous judgment to try and hurdle some garbage. Failed.
  • Angry Brit Award–Given To Sandy Syphilis who came in about 40 minutes after the pack. She was given 3 down downs and yet still maintained her anger. Thatta girl!  
  • Sorry, What–The girl gets angry. She breaks a bottle. Then she doesn’t even finish one Bud Light mini.  
  • Chris–She tried to make her poor hasher virgin friend drink out of new shoes, but was made to drink out of her own shoes for trying to make a virgin drink out of new shoes.
  • Tall guy with red shirt–An honest man who was carrying around buckets of Bud Light for himself arrived to the On In in a white shirt with very bloody nipples that turned his entire shirt red.

Yours truly somehow avoided a down down for using an ATM on trail, but who’s keeping track?   FMIG announced the rivalry that was sparked between the NYC H3 and BH3, but deserved another down down for once again talking about things you would only know if you were on Facebook.We were happily sucking down mini Bud Lights by the bucket, enjoying the paper lantern-lit atmosphere of the small backyard, and eating the too-soon-to-arrive pizza and neighborhood pastries while the locals attempted to ignore the pack of smelly hashers that invaded their watering hole on a Monday evening.   About an hour and a half after we all arrived, FMIG called us all back into a circle to the delight of the regulars in the bar to announce a latecomer who had just arrived. Seems she had lost the trail and was on the phone while trying to find it as the darkness grew. A single female lost in Gravesend, Brooklyn. Lawsuit, anyone?   Hash cash ran out around 10:15, but being that it was a Monday and we were on Avenue U, that was probably best for all of us.   Mondays are for hashing.   On out.   Jess


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