 |
The Truth |
|
Official Organ of the Greater Gotham Full Moon
Hash House Harriers
G2FMH3 Hash #199 – Friday, October 26th, 2007
Hares: Peter and Lesley
On-in: Corner of 43rd & 3rd
Punk Ass Bitch: fuhmig
This Write-Up Is A Piece Of Shit
According to the 200th GGFM historical type document I was just mailed, the average GGFM write-up is scribed approximately 28 days after the trail. As Lauren has given me approximately 4 days to get this to her, I'm sure you'll understand why this write-up is a piece of shit.
As you might imagine, I haven't really taken advantage of my 4 days. If I had, I might have come up with a clever idea or two instead of handing in this diarrhea of the mouth. For instance, I could have done something real brainy like Fire In The Pie Hole does, something that started off like….
"With all due respect to Mr. Lao-Tzu, I don't believe he ever had to do a Jon Carey trail. The truth is, one might not *take* the first step if one knew in advance that the journey was going to *be* a thousand miles. Instead, one might elect to call a cab and head straight to the bar."* Blah blah frickety blah. Well, I didn't have the time to read Lao-Tzu or even Google him, so this piece of crap I'm banging out on the toilet this morning will have to suffice.
I guess I also could have taken the Dave Hardy approach and told you about when everything was good and wonderful in the hash, and how everything we now do, in particular this write-up, is a small pile of turds.
Alternately, I could have done it like Wet Connection does and started every third paragraph with shit like "Back when I was running the Brooklyn Hash."
Actually, had Lauren given me any time at all (and you think she would have seeing as I'm writing this steaming pile of donkey doo for her) I could have taken my usual route and come up with a gimmick like my Mad Libs write-up or that pop quiz thing I did.
Rather than hand in dog piss, for a while I quoted Mean Jean when I needed a gimmick. If I'm not mistaken this is from a GGFM that ended at Plug Uglies maybe a year ago.
"Is This The Future Of Our Hash!???"**
Incidentally, this is my 3rd favorite Mean Jean quote, my 2nd is…
"Don't Tell Anyone!"***
Get your minds out of the gutter silly children. Anyway, my favorite Mean Jean quote of all time?
"The Future Of The Hash Is Between My Breasts!!!****
Of course, I didn't have the foresight to actually listen to Jean on trail or at the on-in, so there's another reason for this craptaculer write-up.
Anyway, now you know why this write-up is pretty much god-awful. You've got to wonder what was going through my head when I actually came up with this garbage, or as my 8th grade Spanish teacher whose name I can't quite remember used to say Gah-Bahge. If I had made any effort at all, I could have just used this from another GGFM write-up I did.
It was a horrid night, a night fit for no person to be on the streets of New York City. Wind whipped around street corners, rain beat against the sidewalks, and the sound of thunder nearly drowned out the noise from the devout group of alcoholics who, defying all sense, gathered at The Patriot for the latest installment of The Greater Gotham Full Moon Hash.
Why not run?”
Sure, I would have had to change The Patriot to the corner of 43rd and 3rd, but really would anyone have noticed? I mean who the hell is still reading this shit?*****
To be honest with you, I'm about ready to wipe my ass with this whole thing, so let me tell you which of the wet farts on trail received down-downs from The Empress Norma and Scooter****** and we can be done with this sordid affair.
The Hares – Peter & Lesley for setting trail in the pissing rain
Crawlaholic – For bringing several changes of clothes, I'm guessing in case she soiled hers repeatedly.
F*ck Me I'm An American (Gillian) and Crazy Bob – If you gotta go, you gotta go and these ones went and got hitched.
Bottom – For dressing like a victim of a scat fiend pedophile.
FMIAA and KiddieLicker – for shitty shortcutting.
Viagra Vince – left a load at the GGFM
Fire In The Piehole – Apparently he couldn't find it in the dark, so he brought a flashlight.
KiddieLicker – Elbow deep in bajingos? Is that a shit reference?
Diarrhea, utter diarrhea.
Anyway, happy 200th GGFM, I hope the write-up for this trail is a hell of a lot more warmed over than this cold pile of turds.
*incidentally, this is a good write-up.
**I believe in response to showing up at the start of a USMW trail at 7:31 and finding the hare had already left leaving Mean Jean to hump her bag to the on-in (did he say hump?)
***I can't tell you
****Holy shit was she drunk on her birthday when she let that one out. The Body, MJ, and myself were closing down the on-in and hash cash was long gone, so MJ pulls out a wad of money from between her…well you get it.
*****For those of you that are still reading, the weather wasn't nearly that bad either.
******Well, that just wrote itself, assuming you took Scooter to mean a dog dragging it's ass across the floor to clear its anal glands.