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The Truth |
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Official Organ of the Greater Gotham Full Moon
Hash House Harriers
G2FMH3 Hash #185 – Tuesday, Oct. 31, 2006
Hare: Scott (aka Trail Fairy)
Start/On-in: Kabin Bar (Second Ave. Between 5th and 6th)
Punk Ass Bitch: Salt Lick (aka Salt Shaker)
Halloween
Also known as "How Slutty Can I Look Night" among the Harriettes.
Take Cuntsultant with her red glowing breasts, U.S. Marine Cop, and Cakeco—the leather-clad, whip-bearing dominatrix whose name Wee Willy will never forget, claiming, “I’d like to munch on that.”
After last Halloween’s battle of the Hash Hos, I knew rising to the top of the list was going to be a challenge. So I opted for the creative approach.
When I arrived at the bar in my tight white Salt Shaker getup, I knew I could not compete with the bad girls in black, but I was determined to win something. I came prepared with a shot glass, bottle of tequila, and bucket of limes.
It took a while before I could let anyone take full advantage of the live tequila shot, however. I blame this on the fact that I was left completely sober for at least an hour, the bartenders looking over my short head, leaving me beerless and intimidated.
So I sucked on Wee Willy’s brew-filled horn in hopes of generating enough of a buzz to pull out my props.
Before I could put on my show however, Rich (aka Happy Hour or Krusty the Clown) began handing out costume awards and other Down-Downs….
The Hare: Scott, dressed as a fairy ballerina. He led us through the village parade, around an endless circle jerk near NYU, and a Back Check 6 that confused the bejesus out of nearly everyone.
Visitors: Great Sex and Wrangler from Summit who was dressed as a Twister board, encouraging people to play on him, Maggie from Africa, and a handful of other people who no one will recognize without their costumes.
Visitors: Heather and Laura. Apparently Heather doesn’t swallow. Rich had to finish her Down-Down beer for her. She won’t be cumming back.
Least Original: Fast American Dave as Slow American Dave. (Kyle, appearing late and posing as a businessman in a full suit and tie, came in a close second.)
Most Tasteless: Wet Connection in a blond Farrah Fawcett wig with a Band-aid on her ass (Apparently she has anal cancer.)
Funniest: Birthday cake guy (Woody or Wally or something like that).
Incest is Best: Lauren, Eric (Blackout), and Lisa for all wearing the same country bumpkin outfits.
Happy Birthday F-you: David Byron Brown.
Most Original: Eyeball guy and Cuntsultant (a demon firefly).
Best Nose: Rich had to take off his clown nose to hear people talk.
Best Costume: Bruce (dressed as a cow) and his spotted Dog.
So what did I win, you ask.
“We were going to give an award for the sexiest costume,” Rich announced. “But instead, we’re giving an award for the person who wanted to have the sexiest costume: Salt Lick.”
I’d show them!
Soon enough the half-naked “slave” bartender started double-fisting me, helping deliver all the courage I needed to take eager hashers into my secret corner. About a dozen daring participants held a shot glass in one hand and a salt shaker in the other as I dangled a lime from my metal chain-linked bracelet and encouraged them to lick, drink, and suck.
My awards go to:
Most Eager: Cakeco
Best Tongue: Great Sex
Most Aggressive Salt Pourer: Crazy Bob (in my ear)
Most Unique Spot: Gabriel (my armpit)
Suck on that!
— Salt Lick