NYCH3 #1161


May 31, 2006

Start: maybe it was called Archer’s (someplace on 1st Ave between 86th and 85th)

Hare: Steamer

On-In: see above, start
Punk-Ass Bitch: Jenn

Don’t you love when more chalk is used to get you from the posted “start” to the real start four avenues away then is used on the actual trail?


How about when you r*n into Central Park with 50 of your closest hasher friends and try to decipher a mysterious comment the hare made to figure if the trail continues or is dead-ended? Can a trail be dead-ended? Oh yes, as we eventually figured.


Let’s imagine what Steamer was thinking when he set the non-trail. (When the curtain rises we see him at 86th St. and Lexington):

Hmm…I don’t know any bars around here but there has to be a good pre-lube place somewhere. Let’s just keep walking east until I find something.  (20 minutes later he is still walking) Well my on-in is on First Avenue. I’m almost there, let’s just make this an A to A to save the trouble of the bags and whatnot.

We all should have known when he forgot about the chalk. Listen up hashers, when someone doesn’t think chalk will be useful enough to remember to hand out…SHITTY TRAIL


We ventured off from the pre-lube bar that may be known as Archer’s on what looked to be a beautiful evening. The weather was great after having been scorching for two days. There were plenty of friendly faces old and new. We were led into Central Park to what everyone believed was a check. The FRBs doggedly searched in each of the 10 (!) possible directions to go. They went and came back, went in another direction and came back. The pack asked: “Where’s the check?” “What did Steamer say about ABJ?” “What does that stand for?” No one knew and meanwhile all the FRBs had disappeared in different directions and never returned. An executive decision was made (read: Mean Jean declared) to go back to the on-in as the trail was over. We each made our own trail back, most traveling along the reservoir. Most still confused as to what had happened.


Although he may be the cutest and fastest 90 year old hasher around Steamer is definitely not the hardest working hare. And certainly not the hare I want ordering my pizza (Three of the 12 pies were anchovy! Inhumane monster!). Never had anyone refused to take hash cash but Steamer said to pay Alice, whom had disappeared for a good chunk of the night, possibly trying to convince a pizzeria that we indeed needed three anchovy pies.


After we managed to quell outbursts from all but the most ornery of frat boys we started the circle. Steamer was rewarded with a poignant rendition of S-H-I-T-T-Y T-R-A-I-L and didn’t seem to mind. Our visitors included Handjob for Humanity and Cum-guzzling Cockaholic from San Francisco, Captain Hollywood from Ft. Lauderdale and the GM of a Bangkok hash named 4 by 2. CGC from San Fran was so obvious with his new shoe box and new shoes at the pre-lube it was embarassing. Mean Jean made him drink from the shoe box but he was so desperate to christen his new shoes he fought to pour the beer from the box to the shoe. Several thousand virgins were on hand, unfortunate consider the non-trail.


Fast American Dave ran over someone on trail and the man chased the FRB to the bar. Chairs were smashed, stools kicked over. Mean Jean made Fast American Dave drink and (I don’t want to believe it) but I have a note that he licked her neck.


Happy birthday to Steamer and to the new guy Jeremy. Let’s hope if Jeremy ever sets trail that he does better than his astrological sign would indicate (and Steamer demonstrated). A google © search extracted this comment about geminis (May 21 – June 21):

Since they lack the quality of conscientiousness, they are apt to fight a losing battle in any attempts they make to be moral.

Explains it all, doesn’t it? (three anchovy pizzas?)


The bar had a small but adequate outside area in the back and some veterans got a much needed break by turning it into a sort of VIP section, keeping the rowdy youngsters inside. Alice brought out a chocolate cake for Steamer’s birthday and we all sang and indulged in chocolate while some indulged in typical hash sex talk. Chocolate and sex talk: the way all hashes should end.