GGFM #174

G2FMH3 #174: January 13, 2006

Hares: Chad and Drew

Start: 79th & 2nd

On-In: Reif’s, 92nd & 2nd

Punk Ass Bitch:  Dave Too Long All good things come to an end; so it was that an era ended at Reif’s as GGFMH3 Joint Masters Rich and Cockstar made good on their threat to raise the full moon hash cash to $20. The announcement was met with a mixture of disbelief, resignation and indifference by the masses. A few even shed a tear at the demise of the “fifteen” deal. Eye witnesses later confirmed, though, that nobody had actually walked out after “Da Big Announcement”, hashers were seen to be still drinking/eating to excess, and the world was apparently still spinning. Hey, we can’t say they didn’t warn us.

 

The evening had started out innocently enough. A healthy sized and slightly nervous looking pack had gathered on a balmy January night in anticipation of another ChadnDrew screw-up. Painful memories of Chad’s previous live trails were still fresh. To most people’s surprise, then, a very pleasant and surprisingly short jaunt through Central Park and the upper east side followed. Unfortunately for him and fortunately for the pack, injury means Chad hasn’t been his usual speedy self lately, so the live trail was not an option. This could almost be considered a “redemption” run, in fact. Whoever got him drunk enough to fall over last time, keep up the good work.

 

As I seem to have mislaid my carefully compiled notes on the circle, I’m going by vague memory here: Couple of visitors including Lesley’s bro Dave in town from Bogota, virgins – friends of Flourless Joe. FRBs (duh) Devo and Speedy Gary (or was it Fast American Dave? Ah, same thing!). FMIG got one for ???? Can’t be AOTW, wrong hash. Asshole of the month perhaps? Steamer yelled at a civilian non-hasher for going the wrong way. No Geoff, away from you is definitely the right way. Rich gave a magnificent solo rendition of “Meet the Hashers” on account of nobody (still) knowing the words. Be patient Rich, we’re just getting the hang of “what a wank”.

 

“Hash cash, $20!”

 

Come again?

 

Rich later defended the decision, saying “We at the full moon hash have never shied away from taking chances. I mean, we even gave Scooter Gleason a committee post, and they don’t come much chancier than that. We see this as the inevitable result of rising beer prices coupled with hashers drinking like fishes. Hashing is an extreme sport, and people know the hazards. Forking out an extra five bucks for beer is just one of them. Besides, Peter suggested we do it, so it must be a good idea.”

 

Others were not convinced. Even the hares, Chad and Drew, seemed confused and a little embarrassed at asking for the extra dough, although it did simplify their lives. “Dude, this is great” said Chad. “I don’t have to waste valuable drinking time getting change for people. By the way man, did I mention my band is playing Kenny’s Castaways next Tuesday?”

 

Some random hash reaction to the cash hike:

 

Lunch: “Well it’s obviously a rip-off, in Westchester the hash cash is only $2 and pitchers are only 50c each. I’ll just have to make up for it by eating six slices of pizza instead of four.”

 

Devo: “From an engineering point of view, this makes total sense. By applying the simple equation x=(5/p) * h where p=price of a pitcher, h=no. of hashers, and x=extra pitchers, and allowing for a hasher’s hourly displacement of beer being inversely proportional to time spent at on-in, I calculated that the more we pay, the longer we drink.”

 

U.S. Marine Whore: “I have a cunning plan: Get more bang for my buck by drinking Long Island Iced Teas instead of beer from now on.” (tip: don’t try this at home kids)

 

Steamer: “Well, when I started hashing it was two shillings tuppence ha’penny, and that got you real ale instead of this American swill. But that was in the days of the Empire.”

 

Cockstar: “Pay up you cheap bastards. I’ve got an apartment to furnish.”

 

Scottish Dave: “Fer fooks sake, ah could hae bought half o’Bogota fer that!”

 

Flourless Joe: “Since I recently had a very impressive win in the football pool, expense is no object. Here’s a fifty – keep the change.”

 

Drew: “Did you know you could come and see our band play Kenny’s Castaways next Tuesday for half that much?”

 

Fast American Dave: “I’m pretty sure they could make more money if they billed by the minute.”

 

Ewa: “Stella! Bring me more Stella!”

 

Empress Norma: “I demand a discount on account of having a royal-sounding name.”

 

Anonymous: “Who cares? Who pays hash cash anyway?”

 

Indeed. By the way, may I be the first to invite you to the official coming out party for $25 hash cash in January 2010. On on.


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