Date: May 6, 2006
Start: Blackstone’s (55th St. between 2nd and 3rd)
Hares: JM’s Mean Jean and Jumpin’ Jack Gash
On-in: Blackstone’s luscious back room
For those wished to forget or actually did forget they were at the pub crawl the night before, the trail was a blessedly short A to A. Thanks to a glorious back check almost all of us even got to see Devo on trail. It was definitely a first for me. The “beer” check was in a park possibly near York and 58th and with such nice weather we all lingered longer than usual.
It was also the Kentucky Derby. As an ad in the bathroom said: “The Kentucky Derby…The most exciting two minutes in sports.” Although I could think of an infinite number of “athletic” things I would like more to watch for two minutes. Blackstone’s was a nice place…too bad the staff was overly friendly and well-tempered. After they were done serving the two plates of wings and two trays of ziti the hashers remained so hungry as to eat the lettuce that remained from the hot wing plate.
and the Joint Masters brought on the down-downs:
Before the hares Roy got up and described the trail as follows: “We crossed some avenues…went down some streets.” Thanks Roy. I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’ll add that we did venture into the park and run through the zoo tourists but it wasn’t nearly as crowded as the last time we hashed through there. You see, the Hasidic Jews can’t get to Central Park on a Saturday because it’s their Sabbath.
The Hares, the visitors (Tom from Boston, Take Me Home, Dog Face and some guy who attempted to begin a story about why he was here but was shot down with a chorus of “boos” by us friendly New Yorkers).
FMIG came and went without having to drink, possibly to set up Leo, who was begging for a hash name by wearing a sign on the front and back of his shirt during the run that stated: “2 years and 15 days without a hash name. Stop the homophobia.” Let’s see if the moniker Fuck Me I’m Actually Gay sticks. Although I can’t be sure that was a real naming ceremony. FMIG threatened a lawsuit and the crowd cheered for the boys to kiss.
Lisa got the next down down for being bad at pub crawling. The JM’s missed it but she was also eating chips before the food arrived.
FMIG, this time for his new shoes.
and for the awards:
COUPLE OF THE YEAR: SALT LICK AND LISA
Four of Salt Lick’s main squeezes—Lisa, Ass Ranger, FMIG and Fluffy (represented by “look-alike” Ed Lunch)—were brought up and the hashers voted (ala Apollo Amateur Night) to decide who the lucky other half would be. Two years in a row won by a girl-girl couple.
WORST TRAIL: ASS RANGER
He received a compass and a map for a trail I thankfully missed.
ASSH*LE OF THE YEAR: Was there ever any doubt?
FMIG received a golden toilet seat cover. Next year’s front runner Oh-Shit received an honorable mention.
The old committee was honored for its outstanding service to our fine organization and passed the baton to your new committee:
Tim – Haberdashery (already made a sale!)
Me – On-Sex (because I liked the name)
Lesley – Hare Raiser (jeez watch out because she probably signed you up while you were drunk. She’s got hares through the end of July)
Wet Connection – Hash Cash (she’s tall so she must be responsible)
Cockstar – Religious Advisor (have you hugged your RA lately?)
…and drum roll please (or did I hear you ask for ear plugs?)…
IT’S ANOTHER YEAR OF JOINT MASTERS
MEAN JEAN THE DOWN-DOWN MACHINE AND JUMPIN’ JACK GASH!!!
and the rest:
P*ssy Repellent grabbed the waitress’ crotch and some point, came up with some ridiculous reason and later the waitress demonstrated the maneuver on Cockstar.
and for the notes that didn’t make it in:
Kyle and Crazy Bob were dancing.
Cockstar was hopping and dancing.
917-573-1994 (Who’s number is this and why did I write it down?)
And the Mets won! Again!
I soon found out that On-Sex might be the least sexy position on the committee. But thankfully at the AGM someone asked me what I was bringing to the table and it hit me: More sex. Through a random sampling at the AGM I discovered only 20% of hashers are satisfied with the amount of sex they are having.