Official Organ of the Greater Gotham Full Moon
Hash House Harriers
G2FMH3 Hash #XXX – Friday, April 7, 2006
Hares:FMIG and Shoeless Erica
On-In: Braizen Head bar in Brooklyn
Punk Ass Bitches (Scribes)**: Salt Lick and Sarah Down Under
IT’S MY BIRTHDAY, I’LL R*N TO BROOKLYN IF I WANT TO.
We should have been scared when Flacido—who’s been MIA since he fell madly in love—showed up to give us trail directions instead of the hares themselves and told us he had “no idea where the first mark is.”
But not as scared as the roughly dozen virgin who showed up on a warm Friday evening, some of whom were wearing jeans, apparently with no idea of what they were getting into.
But we did.
As hard as it may be to believe, most hashers are not stupid. We knew FMIG complained every month about wanting to end a GGFM in Brooklyn and Shoeless Erica had just moved from Inwood to Brooklyn. And if they followed the Anything Goes on My Birthday rule, they knew they could get away with anything: stealing, murder, and even ending NYC Hashes in another borough. (Not to mention it wasn’t even a full moon.)
So when we all got lost at the first check (typical on FMIG trails) near the bottom of the Brooklyn Bridge and I declared it was going to end in Brooklyn, the pack actually believed me. Poor Virgins! Most of them didn’t even bother crossing the bridge.
As we r*n, bright pink letters spelled out C – U – N- BROOKLYN.
On the dark side, FMIG got off on r*nning us through the projects, where after inquiring, a little girl declared, “Mommy, if we fallow the arrows, we can go to a bar!” Way to start young, kid.
We were subjected to Leo talking about his package loud enough to encourage a sketchy man in an unmarked white van to offer him a ride home.
Eventually, we arrived at the Braizen Head bar, and were rewarded with buckets of PBR, footlong subs and a huge, sloppy birthday cake made by Lisa. Somehow we got to the Down-Downs, during which we discovered the dueling hares (** The GGFM committee has to get its act together and stop assigning two scribes per trail!)
Here’s a recap:
Hares-FMIG and Shoeless Erica for setting a trail through some sketchy projects and leaving the rest of the fleet of females facing local heckling and the occasional thrown object.
Virgins—Too many, so Cockstar just dubbed them sluts and gigolos.
Lauren– Smashmouth award for falling.
Ewa-Cell phone abuse and abuse of the English language for babbling on in Ewanese, which no one could decipher, as she traveled across the bridge.
Bottom- For wearing a Suck Swallow shirt and actually outrunning one of the fastest NYC denizens (not only Fast American Dave, but a rat.)
Stupid Frat Boy Virgins-For shot-gunning PBR (they will NOT be invited back)
Hash Love Award-Eric and Erica
Worst Outfit- Ewa and one of the aforementioned stupid frat boy virgins wearing Smashing Pumpkins overalls that looked as though someone had puked paint on him.
GGFM Backpack Transfer- Fast American Dave to Bottom. This was not a pretty site as FAD doused the bag with beer and hit Bottom over the head with it. (The bag gets filled with something new by each FRB and its contents are known only to them—other than the bright orange stuffed animal placed on the outside by FMIG. Last we heard, however, it contains rocks. Needless to say, Bottom was in a bit of pain.)
Random Abuse of Power-Just Joe. He was supposed to actually bestow it, but wanks around too much and neglects his duties.
Cockstar-Leaving her thong in the bathroom
BDAY DOWN DOWNS: Hares.
Happy Birthday F U, Happy Birthday F U. If you r*n again to Brooklyn, your parents won’t recognize you.
On Back to NYC.
-Salt Lick and Sarah Down Under