<![if !vml]><![endif]><![if !vml]><![endif]>The Truth
Official Organ of the Greater Gotham Full Moon
Hash House Harriers
G2FMH3 Hash #177 – Friday, 3/10/ 2006
Hare: Shoeless Erica, Lisa (Not Mikkelson, the other one), Maybe United States Marine Whore
Start: City Hall
On-In: Maybe Plug Uglies, Maybe not.
Punk Ass Bitch (Scribe): FMIG
This Is The Future Of Our Hash?!??
—Mean Jean The Down Down Machine
Is Mean Jean quotable or what? Previously, she claimed to hold the future of the hash between her breasts but based on her tirade outside the on in at the March GGFM, it would seem that it must have um…slipped out or something.
The GGFM. Like any other cult the GGFM has it’s unwritten rules. None of these are set in stone, but they are accepted by the masses as such, because like most cult members we are exceptionally simple people. Break the rules and risk the furious anger of the committee, or Jean anyway.
Anyway, one of the unwritten rules is that a GGFM trail should be short, certainly no more than 5 miles. I’m sure there are many good reasons for this (more drinkin’!), but the one that stands out the most for me is that it goes hand in hand with two other unwritten rules of the GGFM. There shall be a prelube, and you will drink and quite possibly eat more than you should before the trail at that prelube. As Little Lauren and I can attest, two chicken wings, a handful of mozzarella sticks, and a selection of draft beer is pushing the limits of what one should consume before a long trail, which is precisely what the trail set by Shoeless Erica and Lisa was, a very long, poorly marked bitch of a trail. Anyway, live and learn, and forget, and learn again.
Trail started at the city hall stop on the IRT and proceeded. We quickly realized that Erica was one of those hares very concerned with the worldwide chalk shortage as there was one mark per block at best. Shock was expressed on the rare occasions two marks were found per block, something I believe happened once in the first 5.5 miles of the trail. For the last half mile Shoeless was joined by Lisa who apparently is employed by the Halliburtons of the chalk world and used it as liberally as one might expect.
Fortunately, the pack was up to the task of sussing out this trail as they are familiar with the work of other chalk hoarders such as myself, and sooner or later we arrived at the On-In where Jean had worked herself into a sweaty lather, having arrived late to the start and running her own trail after ditching her bag at the on-in.
And that’s where things got a bit out of control. I’m not sure if it was the early spring air or something in the air but things got a little freaky deaky at the on-in. First there was the dancing, not unusual particularly when Shoeless is in the house. From there, Joint Master Rich gave us a raucous display of his air guitar skills during Motley Crue’s “Take A Walk On The Wild Side.” Fast American Dave topped that with his bar top drum solo.
Fluffy and Ed Lunch danced a wicked sexy mambo. Not to be outdone Dave Byron Brown and David Croft showed us the flaming hot Salsa moves they’ve been practicing. If all this wasn’t enough, two visiting hashers got so freaky on top of the bar they had to pull peanuts out of things you are better off not visualizing.
I won’t even tell you what Salt Lick and ********** did, but I had nightmares about it for weeks. If you were there and can tell me how the hell that’s possible, your drinks are on me this week.
Somewhere in all this craziness, my notes say the following down downs were doled out.
The Hares and United States Marine Whore, whose contribution eludes me.
Fluffy received the SmashMouth Award for injuries so severe he attempted to gnaw off his own leg on trail.
I got me a down down for mouthing off to CockStar. Man, I better not do that again.
All The Men got down downs for not being with the Bollocks in Amsterdam
Ewa doled out the random abuse of power down down to Lisa (not Mikkelson, the other one) who was suffering from a bad case of ummm, Walrus Crotch. Whether or no the divine Miss. M suffered similarly escaped our notice.
Lauren took a drink because for some reason, probably because it’s just fun to make her drink.
Finally, Mean Jean The Down Down Machine took one for her mouth, which as we all know is…